Some of the surprises:
- I can't believe how fast her fingernails grow! A silly thing but I am really surprised by how frequently I need to clip them. I'm also surprised at how quickly the darn clippers got dull!
- Her poop doesn't stink to me (now her three day old diapers on wash day.. that's a different story). I was surprised at how quickly she maxed out the absorbency of her newborn all-in-ones and we had to start doing 'night time diapers' (our next level BumGenius 4.0 one-size diapers) which are a little big on her but allow for more inserts. They still seal fine, but it's so much stuff between her legs and they go up her back so far! A small price to pay to keep her pajamas and bed dry at night.
- I'm not nearly as tired as I thought I'd be, even in the middle of the night when she still woke up. I do have tired days from time to time, especially when she was going through a growth spurt. However, for the most part I'm fine. I was pretty groggy during night wakings for the first month, but now I feel like I might be getting too much sleep (just not consecutive sleep).
- I love nursing. I didn't think I'd hate it or anything, I'm just surprised by how much I love it. I love watching her nuzzle in and how her hands relax as her tummy gets full. I love the shape her mouth makes when she eats. I love how she'll look up at me from the corner of her eye and crack a milky smile and then suck faster to catch up. I love the look she gets on her face when I lay her on my lap and she knows what's coming.. and if I take too long the little 'harumph' she makes to let me know she's waiting. I love it in the morning and I love it in the night. I love that it is a special thing between us and that I can comfort her in this way. I just love it. Now that she's pretty independent in latching and knows her way around, it's such an enjoyable part of our lives.
- I thought I'd be so super sad with every passing phase (and I am a little), but really, I find that I'm excited to see her growing and look forward to getting to know her more. Who will this smiley baby turn out to be like, what are her quirks and what will she look like as a toddler, little girl, young adult etc. I think this is partly because we plan/hope to have more babies.. the last baby will likely be a different story.
- I might regret saying this, and probably her personality has a lot to do with it, but it's easier than I expected. I guess I thought that day one would be hard and that it would just get harder for awhile, but it's been a pretty natural change and transition. Again, she's an easy baby and I do recognize that it does get harder with mobility, attitudes, free will, toddlerness etc. as she gets older. I just found myself surprised by how normal life still seems (you know that thing where you say something on the internet and then it comes back to bite you.. lets hope this doesn't happen here). Sometimes I'd look in the mirror and notice that I'm still just myself but holding a baby. I thought that I'd, I don't know, look different or feel very different, like the weight of the world on my shoulders or something. Instead, I'm just me. We're just us but with a baby. Sure we have made some changes but they haven't been that drastic or life altering. Not sure if that makes sense.
- This kind of goes along with the thought above. I didn't 'feel' like a mom, or feel like I looked like a mom until one day when she was about a month old and I realized we were late for an appointment. I hurried to get her into the carseat and dashed out the door. Halfway to our destination I looked in the rear view mirror and realized I didn't have a stitch of make up on. I scrambled through the diaper bag in my mind, wondering if there was anything I could use to help ... which of course there wasn't. I did put a little of her coconut oil on my eye lashes hoping it would give them some effect of mascara (it didn't). So I shrugged my shoulders and thought.. well, I guess this is what it's like to be a mom... and I really felt it at that moment. Since then there have been a few other times when I've felt that way, like when she spits up all over me and I'm already a day behind on showering and I am wearing the same clothes I slept in when Blake gets home etc. I also feel a little more like a mom now that she has started to cry when other/unfamiliar people hold her. She pretty immediately gets happy again once I take her back and that makes me feel like a mom too.
And some things that are kind of how I expected:
- Mommy guilt. I feel guilty for not getting much done around the house because I held her so much.. or I feel guilty for putting her down to get housework done. I try not to let this get to me, but it's funny how it still creeps in. I think this is why we give our kids so much guilt when they're older.. payback ;).
- I could stare at her and hold her forever. I can't get enough! Even though it is nice when she takes a good nap and I can be productive, I find that I missed her sweet cheeks when she wakes up.
- I don't miss work one tiny bit! Granted it's only been a few months, but so far... I love being home and I even enjoy the solitude (again, this might wear off). I have found that just recently I am missing that routine and some of the social aspects of working, but I really don't miss work. I'm also slowly building in social aspects and routine into life so it might just be a slow transition. I'll need to do some prn work now and then to keep my brain working so that if I ever do go back to work I'm not totally lost, but it seems like such a different world. I feel like I lost that part of my brain. Maybe it will come back if I do work a day (hopefully!) and maybe doing continuing ed will help.
- I do in fact love cloth diapers! Although the new has worn off, I'm loving my healthy, money-saving, green choice and so far we haven't used a disposable (that's my goal.. to never use any.. we'll see how we're doing come night time with a toddler and with the last kid) ;).
- Blake is a wonderful daddy. Not only is he supportive to me, he's great with Emerson. She adores him too. She'll sit in his lap and reach her hand up to grab his goatee and is just plum happy. She always smiles when she sees him and he was the first one to get giggles out of her. Someone tried to explain how wonderful it is to watch the person you love, loving your child but it's hard to do it justice with words. It's incredible.
- I can't wait to teach her things! I know I'm teaching her things now but it's just so fun to watch her little world expand and see her growing and thinking and learning! And I love being the one to teach it to her!
So there you have it. Some of my thoughts about mommahood so far!
- Mommy guilt. I feel guilty for not getting much done around the house because I held her so much.. or I feel guilty for putting her down to get housework done. I try not to let this get to me, but it's funny how it still creeps in. I think this is why we give our kids so much guilt when they're older.. payback ;).
- I could stare at her and hold her forever. I can't get enough! Even though it is nice when she takes a good nap and I can be productive, I find that I missed her sweet cheeks when she wakes up.
- I don't miss work one tiny bit! Granted it's only been a few months, but so far... I love being home and I even enjoy the solitude (again, this might wear off). I have found that just recently I am missing that routine and some of the social aspects of working, but I really don't miss work. I'm also slowly building in social aspects and routine into life so it might just be a slow transition. I'll need to do some prn work now and then to keep my brain working so that if I ever do go back to work I'm not totally lost, but it seems like such a different world. I feel like I lost that part of my brain. Maybe it will come back if I do work a day (hopefully!) and maybe doing continuing ed will help.
- I do in fact love cloth diapers! Although the new has worn off, I'm loving my healthy, money-saving, green choice and so far we haven't used a disposable (that's my goal.. to never use any.. we'll see how we're doing come night time with a toddler and with the last kid) ;).
- Blake is a wonderful daddy. Not only is he supportive to me, he's great with Emerson. She adores him too. She'll sit in his lap and reach her hand up to grab his goatee and is just plum happy. She always smiles when she sees him and he was the first one to get giggles out of her. Someone tried to explain how wonderful it is to watch the person you love, loving your child but it's hard to do it justice with words. It's incredible.
- I can't wait to teach her things! I know I'm teaching her things now but it's just so fun to watch her little world expand and see her growing and thinking and learning! And I love being the one to teach it to her!
So there you have it. Some of my thoughts about mommahood so far!
Reading these reminded me of Toby's early days and how I felt. :) Except I think you have it a little more together, because I found it really overwhelming. :) Keep writing this sort of stuff down... it changes all the time and you will enjoy looking back at your journey I think :)
ReplyDelete-Lisa
I'd probably have felt more overwhelmed if I hadn't lived and breathed babies for most of my teen years. ;)
ReplyDeleteThat's a good idea, I'll have to do this again, maybe every three months. I didn't even think about how it would change.:)
What a fun post to read! I was completely unready for Caleb but with a last minute unplanned adoption, that was to be expected. I like reading about people's different adaptations to motherhood...yours was likely so easy because you were ready for the most part and that is a blessing! I have been loving the stage my kids are in...such little sponges soaking everything up and coming up with hilarious and insightful things all the time. I have a friend who has grown kids and she says that she loves all the stages, they are all her favorite and I have been wanting to make that my approach too.
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