I'd better get this down before I forget some of the details. It
should probably go without saying that this will be more information than some
people will want, so proceed with caution. It might also go without saying that
it’s long - in true Speechaholic fashion. I've included
some pictures, but don’t worry I wouldn't put them up if they showed something that people shouldn't see. However, they are birth pictures, so be warned there is blood etc.
Saturday 6/15/13
2:00 AM
Friday night I went to bed as usual, but
woke up at 2:00am on Saturday thinking that my Braxton-Hicks were more
uncomfortable than usual. I thought maybe it was real contractions, and noticed
that they seemed to come about every 15-20 minutes, but I also thought I might
just be dreaming it up because I'd done that before (or I'd had contractions in
the night but nothing in the morning and assumed it was a dream?). I slept in
between them but they still woke me up and it was a pretty restless
night.
10:00 AM
When I got up I thought they'd stopped but
once I was up and moving around I noticed they were still happening. I started timing them again and they
were consistently 9-10 minutes apart and about 50 seconds long. They were more uncomfortable
than BH contractions but not actually what I would call painful, and they were
different than my BH contractions. I continued about my day because I wasn't
sure that they'd stick around and didn't want to get our hopes up. We did some
weeding in the garden, cleaned the house a little and then went up to the
neighbors to swim and eat dinner by the pool (I didn't swim but Blake did).
Before we went to neighbors, I told Blake my suspicions.
7:00 PM
After dinner my contractions had continued
to be about 6-8 minutes apart, 50 seconds long and were getting stronger. We
headed home because I couldn't hide it anymore and we thought we should take a
nap if we could. We called the midwife and gave her a head's up in case she
wanted to take a nap too. We also let some family and friends know that this
was probably it! I put on my TENS to help with lower back pain and tried to
sleep. I only got about a 30 minute nap and the evening continued on at about
the same pace. Slow. Contractions still 6-8 mins apart and lasting about 50
secs, not too painful but uncomfortable and getting more intense, slowly.
9:30 PM
We decided to go to bed and see when they
woke us up. Again, I got about 30 minutes of sleep and after laying there for a
while I got up to move around. The contractions were more painful when I was
laying so I kept moving. I wanted Blake to sleep as long as he could so I
wandered the house, sat on the ball, etc, just focusing on relaxing during each one and wishing it to just do it's job - dilate!
Sunday 6/16/13 2:00 AM
Contractions were starting to be more
consistently 4-5 minutes apart and I was about to wake up Blake.. but then they
spaced way out, 7, 9, 6, 8, 5, 7 mins.. they were all over the place! I was so
frustrated. I was exhausted. I thought we were getting somewhere and was so
disappointed by the set back. I'd been trying to squat or sit on the ball so
that my contractions were more effective, but I was so tired I felt like I was
getting nowhere. I also started getting a bloody show at this point and felt
like that meant I was probably just starting to dilate. All that work and I'm just now dilating!? I decided to lay down
and try to get some sleep, even if laying down made the contractions hurt more
and less effective, I just couldn't do it anymore.
3:00 AM
Discouraged, I climbed into bed, which woke
Blake up. For some reason laying down sped up my contractions and they started
coming every 2-3 minutes and they were intense. I couldn't sleep but it still
felt good to lay down for a bit. Blake saw how fast they were coming and got
worried. I tried to explain that this was a fluke, they've been all over the
place, but he was worried that I’d let him sleep too long and that we should
have called our midwife already. After I got up they spaced out again and were
variable 5, 7, 3, 4, 6, 3, 6 etc. Finally.. sometime after 4:00 am they'd been
consistently 2-5 minutes apart and very intense for long enough we decided to
call the midwife. I was so glad to have Blake from that point on, it was so
helpful to have him there to work through the contractions with me. The TENS
had been helping, but they were getting pretty intense and I needed his
emotional support and it also helped to have him talk me through (“45 seconds,
halfway there, almost done”).
6:00 AM
Our midwife, Ginger, came and I continued to work through some
contractions. She said I was doing a great job of relaxing and letting them do
their job. We talked idly through the hour, in between contractions, with her
checking the baby’s heart rate now and then. She was always doing great and was
clearly low in my pelvic bones and had great positioning. She would say, “textbook”
just like during our prenatal visits.
7:00 AM
I decided it’s time to get in the bath. The TENS wasn’t helping
much anymore and neither was moving, so I decided I’d try the ‘aqua-dural’. Before
I got in, Ginger checked me. This was the first time (ever) she’d checked me
because in the weeks leading up to my due date, I didn’t want to know how I was (or wasn't) progressing, I think it would have discouraged me if things were progressing
but I wasn’t going into labor, or if things weren’t progressing at all. So when
she checked me she said I was over 9cm and she could feel a bulgy bag. I got in
the tub. Oh my, it felt good. My contractions weren’t less intense but somehow
the water kept the discomfort in my uterus and it didn’t spread throughout the
rest of my body. I still had to concentrate through them, but it wasn’t as much
effort.
I wasn’t sure what to expect next. I had a few contractions and
then what seemed like a bit of a lull. I was sitting back, reclined like you
normally would in a tub. I wondered if I should change positions but it was
pretty comfy to stay how I was and I thought I could always change later. Ginger said she could break my water, or I
could take my time – we were in no hurry. I figured I’d just take my time. She’d
come in now and then, and I think check the baby’s heart rate. I told Blake
when it was just the two of us, “I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do now… when
do I push?” He didn't know either (of course) so I asked Ginger. She said to
just listen to my body and eventually I’d feel the urge to push, like I needed
to have a bowel movement.
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| And it begins... |
7:30-ish AM
Eventually I felt what she was talking about and started pushing.
Kind of gently at first, I was afraid to put my feet against the tub and really
push because it just didn’t seem necessary yet. I pushed a few times and it was
a lot of pressure but not really any more uncomfortable/painful than the other
contractions. I kept waiting to feel the head and all that ring of fire stuff.
I was wishing I’d gotten into a squatting position but I couldn’t imagine how I
would move my body at this point. I didn’t think my legs would work, so I
stayed how I was. At one point I saw Ginger reach down and pick up something long
and brownish. I thought maybe it was part of the sack but it also crossed my
mind that it was something else.. something about the way she looked as she
scooped it out. Before I could think too much I was pushing again, and starting
to get somewhere, I could feel some progression, but I couldn’t picture what
was going on down there.. it didn’t feel like I’d expected but then I didn’t really
know what to expect. After a few more pushes things were going somewhere and it
was intense enough I had to really concentrate and close my eyes. After one
contraction, Ginger leans in and says to us, “I want you to know, your baby is
coming breech.”
. . . Um . . . What? In my head I thought. "Well that’s like a get out of
jail free card, right? We don’t do breech births at home so we must have to do something
else…” (it was just the pain talking). I was also a little in shock. I had prepared mentally for things to not go exactly how I thought they would.. but I hadn't considered this possibility. I had a textbook pregnancy, didn't baby girl know? She wasn't supposed to flip at the last minute! I jokingly said out loud, “So can you
pull her out by her feet then?” Knowing full well that you can’t do that. I
also asked, “So what do I do?” because as far as I knew.. you weren't supposed
to deliver breech at home. She said we just had to keep doing what I was doing,
it would be fine, I could do this. Huh, I thought.. okay then. She told me to
reach down and feel her bottom. HER BOTTOM. Sure enough, there was a little
tushy. It turns out the stuff she’d picked up before was a long bit of her
poop (the first of many)!
So onward I pushed, having no idea what was coming. It got really
hard after that. I’m fairly certain pushing is hard anyway but in comparison to how it had been, it
was getting harder and I could barely think in between pushes. I could feel her
progressing and I tried to keep the pressure on her in between contractions so
she wouldn't backtrack. Ginger listened to her heart rate and said to keep
pushing. And push I did. It seemed like there was no break between
contractions, although I’m sure there was, and it took all of my energy to
breathe and push. I had been drinking a lot of water before pushing and now
with every push it was coming back up and choking me. So breathing was kind of
a struggle. Blake was AMAZING through all of this. Holding my hand so I could
squeeze it to death, encouraging me and talking me through things. I
think I was crying because, well, it hurt and he was crying from watching me
struggle. As the searing pain got worse I forced myself to continue to inflict
this crazy pain on myself. At some point Ginger listened to her heart rate and
said in the most firm but encouraging voice, “You've got to get this baby out,
NOW”. I pushed harder, and pushed and pushed knowing that my ever increasing
pain was irrelevant, I had to get her out. When that contraction was over I
tried to catch my breath and regroup but Ginger said something like, “keep
pushing, push! You have to get this baby out.” I was doing all I could, there
wasn’t any more I could give. “I can’t do it” I said, wanting to wait until the
next contraction could help me. “You have to do it, you can do it. Push now!”
she said. And so I did, I knew I had to. I pushed on empty, with all I had and
all I didn't have, just knowing that with every ounce of energy I was causing
some damage to my body and the worst pain I could imagine, but I had to. In the
background I could hear Blake praying for me and in my head all I could think
was, “keep pushing, flex those muscles, oh the pain”.
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| That is Ginger's arm, don't worry. It's just so crazy to see little feet hanging out! |
At this point her body was mostly out. Ginger had wiggled her feet
loose and now I was working to get her arms/shoulders and head out. I guess her
arms were stuck up by her head and she wasn't progressing. Ginger said firmly, “stand
up!” and somehow I did. I knew it was practically life or death and I didn't even think, I just did it. I don’t know how. Ginger had to get her hands in and
carefully help free her elbows and she said we needed gravity in our favor (I
found this out later, at the time I just knew it hurt and was focused on
getting my girl out). I hardly remember what happened next, crazy pain and some
pushing and then bam, baby in her arms.
[No pictures yet, they were busy getting to work!]
8:05 AM
She’s out! She was still so blue. I had to look between my legs and behind
me to see because the cord was still attached and Ginger had picked her up and
was working on her behind me. “She has a strong heart beat. Bulb syringe. Bag mask”
she said. Suck, suck, puff, puff. Come on baby. We were all praying for that cry,
sigh, whimper - any sign that she was coming along. I wasn’t really scared
though. I knew that God was in control and I trusted Him, no matter the
outcome. I knew He had a plan. It’s hard to explain except to say that in my
heart there was peace and not fear. But I still prayed and prayed.
8:06 AM
Gasp.
She gasped! A little more help and she opened an eye. A
little more and she cried. Heavy sigh of relief. Pretty quickly she got some
color and cried some more. Prayers of thanks. Blake got to cut the cord and
hold her while I delivered the placenta, which came out pretty easily and
quickly. I got out of the tub eventually and made my way to the bed while Blake
got in some snuggles. A few minutes later, she was in my arms and on my chest
and at my breast and all was right with the world.
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| After she'd gotten some color back |
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| Getting those legs straightened out. |
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| Daddy cutting the cord |
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| Holding his little girl |
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| Happy Father's Day dad! |
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| Meeting my Sweet P |
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The pressure of coming out full breech (bottom first, folded in half) made her feet snap up to her head.
It took a little while for them to relax. |
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| Our happy family |
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| In love already |
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| Seven pounds even - reading the scale |
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| The rest of the scale |
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| Getting measured - 20.25 inches! |
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| Daddy putting on their first diaper |
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| We don't think we like this. |
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| Getting dressed |
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| Happy daddy |
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| Proud daddy |
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| Meeting Grandma |
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| Meeting Grandpa |
Reflection:
People have asked me, would I do it again? Yes. In a heartbeat. Both
at home, and breech if I had to. Of course, if we’d known she was breech, we
would have gone to the hospital, but I’d still try to deliver vaginally
rather than have a c-section. Our home birth was everything I wanted, even with the unexpected ending. I loved being able to labor in my own halls and alone with my husband for as long as we did.
We aren't really sure when she turned breech, she was always in
such a good, head-down position. She was very wiggly throughout labor, and even
as I got in the tub. Ginger thinks maybe when she measured me it was actually
her bottom and not a bulgy sack, but we aren’t really sure. If it hadn't been
the first time I’d had her measure me then maybe she'd have noticed something different. I
guess that was the drawback to not being measured. We see it as a blessing
really. If our midwife, at any point before actual pushing, had known she was
breech we’d have gone to the hospital and their policy is all first time moms
get a cesarean with breech babies. As Ginger said, babies come out. It was
okay. Again, if we’d known, we’d have done the safer thing and gone in, but I’m
glad we didn't know and that we could still have a natural delivery at home. God was watching over us - both in letting us deliver without medical interventions and in giving me the strength to get her out when I did.
We also felt so blessed that we had such a great midwife. I have no doubt that her experience, skill and confident nature made all the difference in bringing our little girl safely into the world. We are so thankful that we were under her care.
What an emotional morning! I can't say enough about how supportive my husband was/is. There is no way I could have gone through that without him. He was just incredible. We've never been as emotional as we were that morning. As I got into the tub he looked at me with watery eyes and said, "I'm pretty sure I'll cry." Me too sweetie. As close as we were before - pregnancy, delivery and parenthood has strengthened our bond and I still can't begin to describe how much I love him, and feel loved by him. I'm so thankful for that man!
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| I can't get enough of her sweet face! |
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| Snoozing with daddy |
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| Snoozing on mommy |
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