Where I Live

I was driving through an unfamiliar neighborhood the other day and came across a house style that I hadn't seen before. I thought to myself, "If we ever live here that might be the style of house I'd want." The thought surprised me. I'd been pretty set in my house style preferences for a long time. 

My long-standing 'dream' house is more of a traditional farmhouse look with two stories, window dormers and a huge wraparound porch. Of course in my mind that house is placed on ten or more acres in the country with green forest and a field surrounding it. That is how I grew up, and that is how I imagine raising our family. The trouble is that where we live doesn't have naturally green anything and certainly there are no lush green forests. 

The new house style was more fit for the desert and had a certain open air Italian look to it. Not exactly 'Tuscan' like we see a lot of, but reminded me slightly of an Italian villa - on a smaller scale. There were gated walkways and flower lined patios. It was pretty and natural in a different way. 

What really struck me in this rabbit trail of thought was the way I phrased this acceptance of a new house style "...if we ever live here..." 

Wait. 

We do live here.    We    live    here. 

I don't know why the thought was so foreign to me. We have lived here for over two years now. Yet still I couldn't wrap my head around the facts. It isn't, "if we live here" or "when we live here" the fact is that we already live here. 

There's just something about our life here that feels so temporary. I've never truly accepted the potential reality of living here long term. 

We don't own a house yet, nor do we want to own a house yet - especially not here. At least that has been our mindset anyway. It doesn't make financial sense to buy a house in a place where you don't plan on living very long. We realize that there will come a time when we have to decide. Do we settle here or keep trying to make our way west toward family? This is another story for another time. For now, we just keep praying that God will make it clear to us when the time comes. And He will. 

I wonder how I would have lived these past two years differently if I'd really accepted/embraced/lived our lives here. I wonder how I'll live the next two years differently trying to understand that this is where I live. No matter how much we want to live somewhere else, no matter how much we plan to live somewhere else and no matter how often we leave town to visit somewhere else. 

We live HERE. Today, tomorrow, and until we move. Can I really wrap my head around it?

Give Thanks

I always look forward to thanksgiving. It's about family, good food and time off of work to relax. It means spending a day in the kitchen with my two favorite and inspirational cooks while sappy Christmas movies play in the background.

This year did not disappoint. Family was gathered, delicious food was made, prayers of thanksgiving were offered up, food was devoured (and devoured, and devoured...) and movies were watched. It was exactly what I needed during this busy time of work and this season of hustle and bustle. The holiday gave me time to think, time to appreciate the blessings in life, time to cherish memories and time to make new ones.

This year I had a renewed appreciation for the reason behind the holiday.

I was looking through the materials in the well stocked office I share at one of my school buildings and I came across an old vocabulary curriculum that has different units for each season. No surprise, the unit for November was about the first Thanksgiving. There were pictures of pilgrims to color and learn body parts and clothing words, there were picture scenes with pilgrims and native americans to follow directions with and answer wh- questions after a short story. It was pretty cute. Not usually my thing but I knew that some of my students would love it and would do well with the repetition for the month.

As I read through the story and talked about pilgrims and asked the questions I realized that these kids had never heard any of this before. They had no idea what the first thanksgiving was about. When did we stop teaching this? Why did we stop telling the story? I know we water things down these days, even going so far as to rewrite history sometimes, but for them to have never heard of it at all... unbelievable. Then I realized how long it had been since I had heard the thanksgiving story... I had to do some research (and yes, by research I really mean Google).

Here are some facts:

In 1621, the Plymouth colonists and Wampanoag Indians shared an autumn harvest feast that is acknowledged today as one of the first Thanksgiving celebrations in the colonies. For more than two centuries, days of thanksgiving were celebrated by individual colonies and states. It wasn't until 1863, in the midst of the Civil War, that President Abraham Lincoln proclaimed a national Thanksgiving Day to be held each November. (source)

Good details but a little dry. Let's keep 'researching'...

The event that some Americans commonly call the "First Thanksgiving" was celebrated to give thanks to God for guiding them safely to the New World. The first Thanksgiving feast lasted three days, providing enough food for 53 Pilgrims and 90 Native Americans. The feast consisted of fish (cod, eels, and bass) and shellfish (clams, lobster, and mussels), wild fowl (ducks, geese, swans, and turkey), venison, berries and fruit, vegetables (peas, pumpkin, beetroot and possibly, wild or cultivated onion), harvest grains (barley and wheat), and the Three Sisters: beans, dried Indian maize or corn, and squash. The New England colonists were accustomed to regularly celebrating "thanksgivings"—days of prayer thanking God for blessings such as military victory or the end of a drought. (source)

Now we're getting somewhere. The real thanksgiving story was about a group of believers that, in faith, moved to a new land to start a new life. A life without a crazy king that dictated what the people could believe, what version of the Bible to read and if they could read the Bible at all. The Pilgrims sailed to the New World in faith that God would provide. They agreed to seven years of hard labor, just to pay for their trip. Over half of the people that arrived on the Mayflower, didn't make it through the first winter. Yet they persisted in faith. It is amazing how God provided for them through the native americans (I'll be honest, it's hard for me to not say Indians). It is incredible to see how God wove our history together through the faithfulness of a few hard working believers that were willing to be a living sacrifice.

I know there are, and have been, many ways of looking at this somewhat forgotten story, but this year I want to remember the story that gives glory to my Father. Without this story, there wouldn't be mine, or yours.

I'll end with a quote about the pilgrims from William Bradford, par. 28 (a really interesting read if you have the time):  

"They cherished a great hope and inward zeal of laying good foundations, or at least to make some way therunto, for the propagating and advancing the gospell of the kingdom of Christ in those remote parts of the world; yea, though they should be but even as stepping-stones unto others for the performing of so great a work." (sic)

 I'm so thankful for their courage, faith and determination to be stepping stones toward a bigger story.

ASHA Unplugged

This was my first time going to the ASHA (American Speech-Language Hearing Association) Convention but it wont be my last. Here's why:

The biggest reason that ASHA was worth it was the CEUs (Continuing Education Units)! You can go to as many or as few sessions as you want but they will all (generally, with few exceptions) count for CEUs. Even poster sessions count. I needed a few more for this year, so I was worried about making sure I went to enough qualifying sessions. I was worried that if I had to leave one session early for another, that I would lose those CEUs. I wasn't sure how they would monitor it, since at other events it's a pretty specific procedure. At ASHA, it's more or less on the honor system and you just enter the codes from the sessions you attended on the website after the convention. So easy! Too Easy? We'll see.

The second reason that ASHA was worth it is the endless possibilities for information. There are session topics on every major area of our field and every niche area of our field. The exhibition hall is fun and full of resources. No matter what you're hoping to explore, discover or try, it's at ASHA. They also have tons of giveaways - you have to be specific about what you want to take away and say no to the rest - and a fun scavenger hunt with an iPhone app (SCVNGR) or text to win some pretty cool prizes (I didn't win - but it was fun). Here's a picture from one of the challenges in the scavenger hunt:

Yes, that's me and the Passy Muir man.

The third reason that ASHA was worth it was the people. Even though it's crazy a little intimidating to be around all those SLPs, it was so great to see friends, classmates and professors that you hadn't seen in years. It was great to catch up with classmates, old co-workers and friends. Here's a picture from a dinner that we arranged with some of the UPCD alumni (just a note- the crowns/tiaras are from the restaurant.. not an ASHA thing. There were a few more of us attending, but not everyone made it to dinner):

Left to Right: Donna Black, Emily (Alderman) Jones,
Me, and Tiffany Broaddus

All-in-all, ASHA was well worth the money for the CEUs, the mini-vacation, the professional recharge and the chance to catch up with friends or classmates. There were a few drawbacks though, that should be shared:

Apparently ANYONE can present at ASHA. Okay, I know that isn't really true, there is a screening process. It just seems like they let anyone present. There were some really great presenters. Some very well known presenters too, who's individual seminars could have easily cost the same as all of the ASHA convention. That said. There were some really horrible presenters. I'm talking about material that is outdated, undergrad level, poorly presented and straight up useless. I know there are different areas of interest and knowledge levels present, but it was a little frustrating to go to a session for 1-2 hours and feel less intelligent upon exiting. I guess I just had higher expectations for the level of professionalism and information that would be presented. I find that, in general, it is hard to find good continuing ed seminars, so I expected that at ASHA, it would all be good. NOPE! So - buyer beware!

It was also quite confusing and a ton of work to plan your day and pick the sessions you want to attend. You never knew if the one you picked would be full, and if you'd get a seat. It all worked out in the end, but it's a little stressful. You definitely can't plan back-to-back sessions, you need a good half an hour to get from one end of the convention center to another and to arrive in time for an actual seat.

As a side note, San Diego was GORGEOUS! I wasn't great about taking pictures, but trust me it was beautiful. Next year it is in Georgia... hmm. Here's a sad, pathetic picture just before I left of the view from the convention center:

Not So One-of-A-Kind

I'm sitting in the airport terminal and I see us everywhere. There's an SLP over there. There's another one and another. Oh, there's an old college professor, she hasn't changed a bit (Dr. Z if you went to WWU). There are a few more over there. Oh boy. I start to shrink back in my seat and try to hide behind my book.

Now I am waiting for my luggage in San Diego, I see more of us than I can keep track of. Everyone looks strangely familiar. Some I know from some past life, but I can't quite place which life and how long ago it was. Do I say hi, or do I keep hiding? It goes on as I'm waiting for my shuttle. I see throngs of us crossing at crosswalks, waiting for taxis, getting on busses. There are so many of us that now everyone looks suspiciously like an SLP.

There's no denying that you can pick us out of a crowd. I can remember the first time it hit me. I was driving with a friend to a seminar and we were dreadfully lost. We turned in the direction we thought we should be going and drove a few blocks. We both knew it the moment we saw the string of (mostly) women crossing the street - we were close - those are definitely SLPs. I don't know why we knew, they looked like perfectly normal women who wouldn't stick out to anyone else, I'm sure. Maybe that was it though. They were a little too perfectly normal  All together in one group, they were all just too organized and prepared looking.

As I started to cringe at the thought of being in a giant, enormous, arguably the largest, group of us in one place at one time... I wondered. Why do I feel this way? Why do I feel as though I have to be different or as though I don't really look as obvious to them as they all do to me? Why don't I embrace the masses of people that chose the same profession as me, know what I go through day-to-day, understand my professional triumphs and sorrows and know things I'd like to know or want to know the things I want to know.

Why does this spark an insecurity in me?

It's not that I think I'm the best or worst SLP. It's not that I think I do or don't belong. There's just something about belonginig to a group of strong, empowered individuals that scares me off.

I think that it comes from always being the only one of me. I'm not competitive or overly relational because, generally, there's no one to compete with or relate to. Usually, I'm the only SLP available, the only one in the building or the only one willing to drive that far. It seems like, aside from my time in outpatient peds, I have always been the sole SLP in my work environment. Sure in the schools we have monthly meetings, but that's not the same as sharing an office with someone. It's been a rare treat to work with colleagues in my own profession on a daily basis. Usually PTs and OTs are my work companions. I share the stresses and joys of our setting with people that get therapy, just maybe not speech therapy.

A person gets used to this. Eventually you have to embrace the responsibility of being the only one who can make the decision and move forward with confidence that you've prepared for this. I think this is the reason for my feelings about masses of SLPs, I start to question myself. I realize my confidence was out of necessity and wonder if I'll discover that I've been way off base.

It's such a good thing to be challenged with new ideas and ways of thinking, to be checked against the standard on a routine basis... It's just that it's a little intimidating to think about that many of us out there, checking eachother and being checked. Some of us with more passion and dedication than I can muster. That many of us out there all doing the same thing, just a little differently, ready to be challenged and challenge others.

It's not so bad to be not so one-of-a-kind after all. It's not so lonely either.

All I Have To Offer...

... are tidbits right now. My poor neglected blog. A few years from now I'll look back on these weeks and wonder what I was doing in November, 2011 that cut my blog posting in half.

So, what have I been doing?

Working! It's progress report time. One of the main reasons I put working in the schools further down on the list of preferred work settings. I have 65 students on my caseload but I also had to write the progress reports for a co-worker who is out on maternity leave. That made the count somewhere up around 90. It's also been a crazy month for scheduling meetings since there are so many no-school days, half days and I'm missing three days for the ASHA Convention. No complaining, that's the rule.. I'm just saying, I've been busy writing.. just not here!

Nothing. For some reason I don't feel like doing anything when I get home from work. Sure, I might make dinner, but after that... I seem to have no desire to read, write, knit or bake. I just want to sit or sleep. I've never been this idle. Usually I try to cram too many activities into my evening. Not lately though. I seem to come home and turn into a vegetable.

Thinking. So many thoughts so little motivation to finish them, organize them and type them. Mostly I've been thinking about these things:

• Our plans for the future, vs. living in the now. We have a plan for getting out of debt and saving. I know that this is a good idea and we'll never regret paying things off early and saving... but sometimes I wonder if we should be equally focused on living in the here and now. Supporting our community more and giving more while we are both working. It is something I continuously pray through.
  
• "For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." (Matt. 12:34) I've been challenged lately by the things that come out of my mouth when I'm being really (too) honest. I struggle with being positive and loving as a baseline, but isn't this my flesh... aren't I replacing these things with fruit from the spirit? It doesn't seem like it sometimes. Why is the abundance of my heart slightly bitter and so critical? This is something that the Lord has been working on in me lately. All too often I think back over a conversation and see the ugliness that came from my heart. I hope that someday my heart's abundance will be filled with love and kindness for others, and maybe that will overflow out of my mouth instead.
  
• "But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment." (Matt. 12:36) This coincides with the above. Not just the too honest words, or the flesh-filled words but the idle words. All those words that are sent out with no real purpose. I'm challenged to make them count a little more each time I have a seemingly unimportant conversation. 

Celebrating. I went to Boise, Idaho this three-day weekend to help celebrate my goddaughter and cousin's little girl's third birthday (Blake was hunting for five days in North Dakota). Joie is a doll and full of life and sparkle. She is such an articulate little three year old and that makes this SLP's heart glad! Here are some pictures: 

So excited for her castle party!

She really wanted to eat that cake.
See the fork!?

And she loved the balloons :). There
was also a castle jump house outside!

Catching Up

I'm so behind lately! Behind on housework, behind on knitting, behind on posting and behind on reading and SO behind on commenting on my friend's blogs.. I'm so behind. I've been trying to get caught up though, not with most of the things on that list. But I have been trying to get caught up on some blog posts from the past that I just hadn't gotten around to. I had the pictures and wanted the memories to be filed away in my digital memory aide journal but no time to write and upload. Well, here they are:

Bainbridge Visit: A visit to my Aunt Sandy and Uncle Rodney's house on Bainbridge Island. Complete with great food, great company and a gorgeous sunset!

The Crush, 2011: some of the sights and activities of summer in the desert and a visit from the Sauras.

Bellingham Visit: A quick visit to my old college town and a gorgeous outdoor wedding.

Gallaher Head Lake: Our first backpacking trip with the Sauras last year.

Packwood Lake: Blake's first backpacking trip and our first backpacking trip together, last year.

A Finished Pair: I finally finished up the pair of socks I was working on for Blake!

ASHA's Good Advice

I got an email today from ASHA (the American Speech-Language Hearing Association) with a tip. Now, it's not unusual to receive emails from them, I just don't think I've had one like this before. It strikes me as funny for some reason. I think it's funny because they recognize that as a member of ASHA, we're probably stressed and thought they should give us a position statement about it handy hint for better living. It also cracks me up because of how it's worded, like a therapy goal. In the end, I'm sharing it because it actually kind of supports blogging. Here's the advice from ASHA's new "Circle of Support":

Feeling stressed? Try journaling about your emotional stressors. Find a time and place where you won’t be disturbed, such as at the end of the workday or before going to sleep. Write for a minimum of 15 minutes a day for at least 3 consecutive days. Once you begin journaling, write continuously. If you run out of things to say before the 15 minutes are over, just repeat whatever you started writing. You can write about the same thing each day or you can write about something different. The most helpful topics to write about when journaling include worries, stressful events, and issues that you have been avoiding. It’s the act of writing down your thoughts that is the real stress management tool here. Afterward, do what you wish with the written material—including ripping it up or deleting it! Stress management is just one of the topics we'll explore at this brand new Convention activity that ASHA is providing FREE to you as a special treat. Your ASHA Circle of Support Learn tips and strategies for better work/life balance (ASHA Circle of Support Lounge in the Career Fair, Hall B2) Cookies will be served as life coach Barbara Cox facilitates 15-minute classes with tips that will help you navigate toward a better work/life balance, feel calm in the midst of chaos, design your own career path, and more! These classes are more dialogues than lectures, so you’ll meet and mingle with fellow members in an intimate, friendly environment while exploring these topics. Feel free to stop by in between classes to talk with Barbara. We hope you find Your ASHA Circle of Support enlightening and FUN! For more FREE work/life balance resources—and to check out the full program that Barbara has developed for us—go to http://drcoxconsulting.com/coaching-support-groups.html. P.S. We will also be holding two drawings—one for an iPad 2!

You received this e-mail because you have registered for an ASHA conference or Convention. If you have a technical issue, please send an e-mail to listadmin@asha.org. American Speech-Language-Hearing Association 2200 Research Blvd., Rockville, MD 20850-3289 www.asha.org |© Copyright 2011

Long Beach in the Fall

It is no small secret that I don't like halloween. I don't even want to give it respect by capitalizing the word. It's not that I think it's just pure evil, even though it's hard to find much good in the day, I know that there is nothing evil about wearing a costume and going trick-or-treating. We sure loved it as kids. Its just that I can't get behind it. If I'm going to celebrate something, I need to know what and why I'm celebrating. The more I think about what Halloween is, the more I despise the energy and effort that people put into it. Why? What, really, are we celebrating with our ghosts and skeletons and all that candy? Now, I know many people that have no problem with the day, and that's okay with me too! I just can't get behind it and so instead, I avoid it! We have successfully avoided it for the last three years now.

This year (and last year) we avoided it by going to the beach. Rain or shine, the beach is relaxing and a great getaway. This year, my parents came with us! It was so much fun to have them there and share our routines with them. We did the usual, breakfast out, wandering through antique stores, searching for the thing we can't live without at Jack's Country Store, getting an amazing latte and a good book at Adelaide's, and making a great dinner with a movie playing in the background.

Here's my antique store find: it's a Norwegian cookie press. As far as I can tell from a good, solid Google search, it seems to be for making Goro, or Gode Raad, a holiday cookie-cracker with cardamom (which I love). I can't wait to try it out this Christmas!

This time the cookbook I bought was Harvest to Heat. It has the most incredible pictures and could easily be a coffee table book in addition to a cookbook. I've tried one recipe so far and loved it. Not surprisingly (given the end of this post), it was a clam and bean soup.

I just really love the grays and blues and muted colors they use. These pictures are all from their website and are also in the book. No credit to me for any of these foodie pictures!

The other highlight of the trip was some more clam digging. Remember our last adventure with clams? Well, this time it was at night! Clam digging at night is all together different! Not harder or easier necessarily, just completely different in how you find them. Digging them out is the same of course, and it's also still quite frustrating when you are getting skunked and can't find a hole in sight! That is what happened for our first hour out on the beach. It was a lovely sunset though, and the sky was as clear as could be. We could see every star in the sky until we were too busy looking down for clam holes to notice.

Our clam crew: (L to R) my dad, mom, me and Blake.

Head Lamps: not just for knitting in bed!

Waiting... waiting for the tide and the clams.

Hunting for holes.

Clamming off into the sunset.

It was such a great weekend. It is weekends like this that make us wish we could live closer to home tomorrow instead a few years from now.

Now what to do with the rest of the clams....