"Next stop... Crazy"

*ding* Stop requested.

Yes. I am getting off the train at Crazy for a moment and considering a possibility that I never thought I would ever consider again.

Working in the public school system.

Ahh! I left the schools for some very good reasons. I also made the mistake of saying that I would never go back. I should learn to never make absolute statements because I inevitably end up eating my words. At this point I'm leaning toward, I don't know.

I don't know if this is a good decision. I don't know if I'll even get the job. I don't know if I'll lose my mind from the paperwork, parents and progress reports. I don't know if my perspective is skewed. I don't know if the added stress this setting caused me is going to haunt me again.

There are some things that I do know. I know that God is in control and will lead me. I know that I am stronger in the Lord, than when I first worked in the schools. I know that I have matured as an SLP and this will help. I know that I love working with children. I know that there is no perfect job.

After doing so much soul searching, praying and reading.. I asked my staffing manager to ask for an interview and the district has decided to interview me, this Friday.

Now for the really crazy part. I'd still work in Pendleton a few nights a week. This is mostly a money thing, but also a loyalty thing. I feel obligated to avoid letting them down. I'm also just hitting my one year mark with them.. and that is a record for them and having a speech therapist. I know the residents, I know the staff and they know me AND they have finally come to trust (and follow) my recommendations. Also, I have invested in the lives of the people I work with.

For the last year, this has been my mission field. I have prayed for, witnessed to and tried to encourage these women in any way possible. I have turned down other jobs in the past because I felt like this was where I needed to be. However, if I get a school job I will only work in the evenings and I won't see these women anymore.

I trust the Lord that he can reach these women without me. I also trust the Lord to sustain me if school plus Pendleton is what I need to do for a year, until I return to just Pendleton.. or move on to somewhere or something else. I trust the Lord to provide for us and to guide us.

This crazy consideration first came up during a discussion with my hubs on the way home from visiting our families this weekend. Usually my husband looks for jobs closer to family on the drive home. This time I was the one looking for a job.

I just feel like I am spinning my wheels. I love, love, love certain things about my job in Pendleton. I love most of all that I can't be late, because I make my own schedule (being on-time is a HUGE challenge for me). I also love the flexibility of working a Sunday afternoon to take a Friday off (Blake has every other Friday off). I also love that I get paid to drive there and I do really enjoy my time in the car to think, pray and listen. I also love the paperwork. So simple and impossible to take home.

What I don't love though, is the lack of hours and the feeling that I'm not doing what I need to in order to provide for my family and goals. If I could get 6.5 hours a day.. this would be the ideal job. Unfortunately, I can't seem to drum up enough of a caseload to get more than 3-4 hours. No matter how hard I try, I just can't make patients with therapeutic potential appear out of the woodwork. Not without compromising my ethics and integrity anyway. SNF therapy seems like such a fine line as it is, which is a post of it's own.

So. *ding* Crazy it is. We'll see what happens!