Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Day 15: A Photo of Someone You Fancy

Well this is easy!

I don't actually have any recent pictures of Blake without Emerson.. but you get the idea. He's so great with her and of course so great in general :). I love him to the moon and back.

He got her dressed in a new outfit :) 

I think this was a Saturday morning. He'd been watching tv waiting for his girls to wake up.
He was also growing his beard out and you might think we have gone Amish.. but no,
it's just one of those beard month things.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Day 13: Personal Entry - Open Hands

The other day, I heard someone use the phrase, 'I love with open hands' and it has stuck with me. I can't remember where I heard it or the context it was used in but it made me think of how I want to love my kid(s).



So much of me wants to hold on tight with white knuckles and keep her safe from every possible germ, danger and difficult challenge. But of course, if I did this she'd never learn and grow and experience what she needs in order to be a fully functioning adult.

Beyond the need to let go in order for her to grow, there is my need to let go in order to trust God. Our Father of good gifts loves our precious babes more than we do. They are really His. We are blessed with the time we have with them and blessed with the challenge to raise them. But they are still His.

When I was pregnant and praying for our sweet girl, I prayed that God would keep my heart in check on this. I knew that once I saw her little face, it would be harder and harder to trust the Lord with the timing of her life. And it has been true. The longer I know and love Emerson, the harder it is to think that if something were to happen to her, I still need to trust that the Lord is greater. His plan is greater and His will is greater. And that He is good.

Moments before Emerson was born and it was clear that she needed to be born a minute ago, I began praying that God's will would be done. I trusted Him. After she was out and during that long minute while we waited for her to take a breath, I still prayed that God's will would be done. I've said before that in my heart there was peace and not fear. In my head, however, I was thinking that surely God wouldn't bring us through 40 weeks of pregnancy only to lose her before she started breathing. Surely God wouldn't ask that of us. Yet, I knew full well that we weren't exempt from heartache or pain. God might have asked that of us and we would struggle through accepting His good and perfect will, even if it included the unbearable. Somehow he would use it for His good. Somehow we would endure. Somehow we would be better for it. And I had peace in that. Thankfully, His will was the beautiful life we are enjoying today.

I remember having similar thoughts as I waited for the weeks to pass until we were out of the miscarriage risk window. Maybe this seems morbid, or maybe it seems pessimistic but I just wanted to go into this journey with the reality in mind that our kids are not our own possessions, but a gift from God. A treasure to protect with our lives and then some.

Again, the longer I love our baby girl the harder it is to remember that she is not solely ours, nor is it our sole responsibility to keep her safe. This is a partnership with our Creator and it is only through a trusting relationship with Him that we can really do our best for her. It makes my insides flip-flop to think of something happening to her. It makes my heart drop to my toes when I think about trusting the Lord like Abraham did with Issac. Or when I think of the tragedies in history that involved children, like the gas showers in the Nazi death camps or the third class passengers in the Titanic. How did those mothers (and fathers) endure that torture. These thoughts make me curl my toes and begin plans for a safety bubble. But of course there is no bubble big enough. We can't really do anything, except turn it over to the Lord and trust His perfect will. Prayerfully lifting our child(ren) up to Him, petitioning Him for wisdom, safety, protection, and the faith to trust Him through whatever life brings us.

Open hands. Trusting heart.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Day 12: Three Confessions

I confess that I'm still justifying the daily occasional indulgence because I'm nursing. Be it ice cream, an extra slab of butter or a second helping of lasagna... it's for the baby. I told myself this had to stop after six weeks. And then again at two months. And then again at three months. Now she's almost four months and here I am with 5-8 fluctuating pregnancy pounds on my hips and there's no excuse. I didn't just have a baby so it's okay to be chubby still...that was four months ago. Now where's the butter for this popcorn? I'm eating for two after all.

I confess that I sleep in. Man do I sleep in. For awhile I was really good about getting up with Blake and getting things done but lately I'm a ridiculous night owl and fortunately my girl sleeps late... and so do I. I know I kind of confessed this before, but it bears repeating. I have slept until almost noon the last three days and once until almost three. Unless I have a good reason to get up before her, I basically don't. Every week I resolve to stop this and of course this week is no different, yet again I'm up late and I already know that in the morning I'll have completely forgotten that sentiment.

I confess that I once sucked a booger out of EJ's nose with my mouth. I'm here to tell you that it was GROSS. However, the thing was HUGE and surely going to block her airway if it went down instead of out. She could hardly breathe to nurse! I had to do it. Our nose sucker thing stinks and I keep meaning to search for a better one, but obviously I haven't yet. Also it was really far away. I'd be pretty hard pressed to do this again (really, it was pretty gross), but I will say I don't regret it. It was a monster booger.


Friday, October 11, 2013

Day 11: Favorite Quote

One of my favorite quotes is the one on the right by E.E. Cummings. I also love pretty much any quote from C.S. Lewis. Here are a few of my favorites:






Thursday, October 10, 2013

Day 10: Throwback Thursday

Meeting my sweet girl for the first time. 
I just remember thinking how scared she looked and saying to her, 'it's okay, momma's here'... while thinking.. 'man, you hurt!' I wonder if those first moments go any slower with the second one because it seems like a blur to me now. Just fragments of memories sewn together with pictures.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Day 9: Three Things to Three People

To Former President George Washington:
 Thank you for the sacrifice it took to start this great nation. Sorry for what we're turning it into. I hope that some day we'll remember what freedom really is, why it is so important and why your generation fought so hard for our country.

To the men and women in our military:
 Thank you for your service. We sleep well at night knowing that there are people that are willing to risk their lives to protect our country. We aren't all as brave or selfless as you are.

To the homeless shelter and gospel mission workers/volunteers:
 I'm so thankful that you spend time in the trenches of our city streets. You meet a need that is never ending. You give hope to people in a sometimes hopeless situation.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Day 8: Personal Entry - Tidbits

1. We are staying with my parents for the week, just to visit. It is so fun to see your family enjoying your baby and vise verse. Blake's parents live very close by (about a mile) so we try to see them often too. It feels like a vacation, even though we're mostly just hanging out. I can't wait until she's old enough to enjoy the farm animals here and other fun grandparent activities... but we won't hurry the sweet baby snuggles away either. It's funny how much more it seems like she naps when there are so many people ready to hold her and soak up her smiles.

2. Blake might get furloughed at the end of next week if the government doesn't end soon. Actually, starting next Monday, every day it stays closed is a day he will go without pay after that week (based on their estimates of how long it will take for money to come through). Even though our savings will take a big hit from him not working I would be happy to sacrifice weeks of pay if it means a better outcome than raising our debt ceiling (again) and accepting the Affordable Care Act as-is. What would be really frustrating is if we go several weeks without pay but still end up stuck with the ACA and continued over-spending and increased national debt. I know. I just went there and got political... sorry.. it's my blog ;).

3. If Blake does get furloughed, I'll take some on-call work. It both scares and excites me. As funny as it sounds, I kind of shut off my SLP brain when I ended my last job. I know it will probably come back like riding a bike, but I might be a little slow at first and I might fall head over the handle bars. It is a little exciting though, to think of turning my brain back on and making some money again :).

4. I recently (a month ago) found out that Emerson and I have a genetic mutation on the MTHFR gene, found on chromosome one. MTHFR is short for methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase. The gene is named for the enzyme it produces, which processes amino acids and activates B vitamins. It is also responsible in part for the production of glutathione, which plays a role in liver function and detoxification.

While I'm still learning a lot about what this means for us, so far, it means that our bodies cannot utilize typical B vitamins and has a difficult time detoxifying. It means we need to take special B vitamins that are already activated (bypassing the need for the enzyme) and we need to be careful about what goes in our bodies. Fortunately, we are all ready pretty careful about trying to eat healthy and clean, so this isn't a big change. The really key thing here is that folate (commonly referred to as its synthetic counterpart - folic acid) is a B vitamin (B9). As we all know, folate is critical to a developing fetus. Emerson probably used up most of my folate stores and so it is pretty important that I take the activated form of folate (methylfolate) in order for my body to rebuild its stores before we try to get pregnant again. I still have a ton to learn about this genetic defect and how it might effect us and how to prevent long term effects from it (which my mom seems to be demonstrating. She just got tested but it seems pretty clear that I inherited it from her).

Maybe not exactly a tidbit.. A simple google search of MTHFR will tell you that it deserves a blog post of its own (or several) but for now this is my summary. It has been what consumes my discretionary researching time and I'm wishing I'd taken organic chemistry or bio chemistry (or whatever would help me understand all this genetic, enzyme etc language).

5. Emerson used to talk nice and sweetly, often while looking deep into my eyes. While she still does this from time to time, her talking now has turned more into squawking. She works up to these loud noises and then startles herself and wonders where that noise came from. Although I miss the coos and goos, it's fun to see her discovering new things.

6. A few weeks ago now Blake went tuna fishing and his share of the catch was five tuna. We now have enough canned and frozen tuna to feed us for over a year (77 half pints canned and a couple dozen frozen tuna steaks). On top of all the (delicious) tuna, we also have a ton of salmon, cod, sea bass and halibut. We are so set for fish! However, we are a little short on freezer space now!

7. Emerson still dislikes the bottle. As we say for her, the bottle is not her favorite. She tolerates it when she has to, which is pretty rare and probably why she still only tolerates it. She also snacks more lately and it's hard to get her to focus and eat a good meal.

8. I was talking to Blake's grandpa's wife (they got married the year we did!) and she was telling me that both of her kids sucked their thumbs, one was born that way and the other didn't start until almost 4 months. She said that the latter kid quit on their own before they were one but the one born sucking their thumb had the habit for years. I've heard this scenario from several people now and I'm feeling a little better about the whole thumb thing. She still sucks her fingers and fists too, but when she's hungry, she finds the thumb. Pulling it out continues to be pretty ineffective, but maybe it keeps her from getting too used to it? We'll see. The thumb saga continues.

Monday, October 7, 2013

Day 7: What Musical Artist is Really Important to You?

I'll warn you now, this is going to be a boring post. In keeping up with the blogging every day for 30 days thing.. it was bound to happen.. and here it is.

My post last year on music basically sums up my history of music interests.. so this is a hard prompt question to answer but I also don't have much else on my mind to write about.. so here goes.

I have a hard time picking favorites. I can never pick just one thing. So picking a favorite band or artist is just as difficult. However, in their wording this prompt with the description of 'most important to you' makes it a little different than just a favorite.

I guess I have to say that the band or musician that teaches me something or helps me focus more on God is most important to me. Who that is, I'm not sure. It might be Matt Redman because I do love most of his songs lately, and 10,000 Reasons is still a favorite. But I also several other Christian artists and even a few secular artists.

I really have commitment issues with this kind of thing, so that's a close as I'll get to picking a 'most important' artist.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Day 6: Five Places I've Been and...

I feel like we need some pictures so I changed this post a little. So here are five places I been and five places I'd like to go.

We feel very blessed to have had the opportunity do to some traveling while we both worked and before starting our family. Here are the top five places we've been (in chronological order) with a bonus picture of the place I went to without Blake.

Tricote, Haiti. These sweet kiddos are ten years older now! The little boy taking the picture did pretty
good considering it was only the second time he'd ever taken a picture. What a life changing trip this was!

1. Venice for our first anniversary

2. Greece, leg two of our first anniversary. This was in Santorini

3. Sydney, Australia and the South coast of New South Wales for our second anniversary

4. Rome, Italy for a late third anniversary trip.

5. Israel. This is on the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.

I'll be honest, I miss traveling. It is weird to not have plans for our next trip and to pass by the travel section at the library. We're still getting adjusted to one income and enjoying our current trip down the road of parenthood. One day.. we'll travel again ;). And here's our list of places we'd like to go (in no particular order):

1. Ireland
2. France
3. England
4. Norway
5. Africa