Family Birthday and Father's Day

My birthday is really on Tuesday, but I celebrated it with my family this weekend. It's usually fun when my birthday overlaps a little with Father's Day. I will say that this year was a little harder because I didn't get to spend much of Father's Day with my dad, since we needed to see Blake's family too.

The only drawback to having our parents less than a mile apart, is that we end up splitting every holiday up into several parts. Instead of picking one side for the year and the other the next, we just try to include everyone. It would be hard to drive by one of our family's houses and think, "Sorry, your year is next year. I know we're right here but you'll have to wait your turn."

So this year we saw Blake's dad on Saturday for a few hours, then rushed home to get to work on making my birthday cake and birthday dinner. Sunday was spent with my parents during church, then visiting Blake's step-dad and mom after church, then visiting Blake's Grampa and Grandma D., and then trying to connect with his Grandpa C. ... AND THEN driving four and a half hours back to our house. Sorry that sounds like complaining. It is a blessing that we get to see most of our family in one place... I just wish that it could have been more quality time with each of them.

I appreciate many of these men (and the wives that support them) and the roles that they have in our pasts and our present.

Here is a little about my dad:
My dad is such an amazing man. He is so patient, honest and kind. His laughter is infectious and his quiet nature is replaced only on occasion by ever increasing loudness as he shares his enthusiasm for a subject (this is a family trait. Get several of us Wa1iezers in a room and it starts out quiet but before you know it some non-Wa1iezer is telling us to shush because we've climbed fifteen dB in our excitement). He is such a man of integrity and godly character. I have countless memories of his gentle teaching and discipline to shape my character as I grew up. I respect him and love him so much!

My birthday dinner was fabulous, but I didn't get pictures of that (my mom and dad are to thank for the dinner). Any meat done on a Traeger makes for a mouthwatering feast! Here are some photos of my birthday and birthday cake - a sixteen layer sponge cake with chocolate filling/icing. Ridiculously rich, moist and melt in your mouth delicious! Recipe from this blog. Her pictures do it better justice but here are mine anyway.

You never know who will make it for my summer birthday celebration.
This year is was my sweet hubs, parents, and brother
Jordan and his lovely girlfriend Jordan [d͡ʒɔʳdæn]

I'm sure it was the sixteenth layer that made it so delicious.
Or maybe the 14 eggs, pound of powdered sugar,
half pound of butter and half pound of chocolate.

It was a wonderful weekend, albeit busy. I am thankful for another year with my family and husband, and another year to serve my Father in heaven.

Stay tuned for more birthday, next weekend we're going to the beach!

Prioritize

pri·or·i·tize/prīˈôrəˌtīz/Verb

1. Designate or treat (something) as more important than other things: "prioritize your credit card debt".

2. Determine the order for dealing with (a series of items or tasks) according to their relative importance: "people prioritize their goals".

(Source)

I need to do some prioritizing. I have too many goals and projects swimming around in my head. They are overwhelming me and I feel like I am not accomplishing anything! The first step is to make a list.
I love a good list.

Goals/Projects (Not in any particular order)

1. get up earlier
2. go to bed earlier
3. have longer quiet times everyday
4. have more purposeful prayer times everyday
5. finish the three four five innumerable crochet projects I've started: bath mitts, sweaters, slippers, hats, socks etc.
6. finish the two knitting projects I've started: lace scarf, hat
7. start the millions of knitting and crochet projects I have queued.
8. make more time for reading
9. join a book club
10. start using a weekly menu plan
11. grocery shop once a week
12. use up produce before it goes bad
13. make my own bread every week
14. grind my own flour for said bread
15. make as many things homemade as possible
16. maintain a sourdough starter for longer than one month
17. take better pictures
18. stay on top of my garden
19. go to the gym 3x/week
20. be content with my job
21. be a better friend
22. call my mom more
23. blog consistently
24. be an effective witness for Christ
25. do all things without complaining or arguing
26. use my time wisely
27. patiently endure until we are financially ready to _____ (insert long-term goal here).
28. plan the activities for our trip to Australia
29. listen to the every sermon/Bible study recorded from our pastor
    I think I should stop here. Twenty-some goals and projects are enough.

Now if I look at my current weekday time allocations to see how many of these projects/goals can be added... there are a few hours in there...
7:00-9:59 Before I leave for work (currently filled with: quiet time, computer time and sleeping in)
10:00-10:59 Possibly driving to work or getting ready for work
11:00-2:59 Definitely should be driving to work and then working
3:00-5:29 the leeway time that I am usually working still and/or driving home
5:30-7:59 A (or immediately when I get home) cook and eat dinner
5:30-7:59 B go to the gym and then eat leftovers for dinner; except Tuesdays: eat leftovers and go to Bible study
8:00-10:29 Down time with Blake (usually filled with watching TV and crocheting/knitting)
10:30-? read/facebook/blog in bed while Blake sleeps soundly and I can't fall asleep yet.

If only I could open up that time that I spend working. I often think to myself, "how can I make more time for all these things that I want to do!? When I stay home with kids, surely I'll get so much more done than I do now." I really and truly understand that I'll probably have significantly less time to accomplish these personal goals and projects when I have kids. Especially considering I don't work even close to full time now. Somehow the grass just seems greener on the side of not working.

I try to tell myself that staying home is not the answer. First of all, I'll miss the income. I'm sure I'll miss the sense of accomplishment and productivity, and I'll definitely miss the adult conversation once I stay home with kids all day. I cognitively understand that this current time of life is probably the most ideal time of my life for accomplishing these projects/goals/good habits. Also, I think that if I can't establish these habits and make time for these things now, how will I do it when I have less time?

I remember when I was in college and I couldn't wait to graduate, make money and have a 'real life.' Now I realize, looking back, that that was such an easy lifestyle (except the being broke part). Sure there was some studying, and some stress.. but think about how little time you actually spent in class, compared to how much time you have at your discretion. Additionally, college life is interesting. If you don't like how it is, wait three months and your classes will change. 'Real life' is always. the. same. Get up, go to work, come home, make dinner, clean, go to bed. Do it all over again the next day, and the next, and the next.

I try to apply the lesson learned after college to my current life. Yet I still seem to find myself thinking that the things I can't accomplish now, will be easier when I don't work (which assumes I'm staying home with kids). I also know from my stint of unemployment that even when you stay home and have ALL of your time to yourself, the day still goes very quickly. I had fewer goals and projects back then, but still the day flew by and it was quickly time to make dinner before Blake got home.

The solution? I don't know. I think that if I get organized and really apply myself, then I'll make good habits and accomplish the things on that list that really matter. I also think that if I never seem to make time for something, then it must not be truly important to me (like my first and last scrapbook that I started after the wedding).

That brings me back to prioritizing. As a Christian, my first priority has to be God, His will and His priorities. I try to ask myself, "what eternal difference will this make?" This certainly helps me weed out some goals and projects, but most of these things don't seem to make an eternal difference. So now how do I sort them? Will knitting sweaters and making homemade bread really contribute to eternity? Unlikely. Now that said, downtime is downtime, and if I spend that reading or knitting, will it matter? Will I look back at how I spent my downtime and wish that I'd spent more time watching TV? I assure you no. I could live without it, but Blake thinks that life would be desolate without TV (He needs more hobbies! I tell him he can have some of mine, but he just doesn't want to knit someone else a pair of slippers ;) strange). Will I wish that I'd read more classic novels when I'm in heaven. Doubtful. Twenty years from now, will I wish that I hadn't sat around so much or slept in so often? I don't know.

I seem to have no answers here, I'll get back to you/myself if I find any. However, it has helped me to just think through this and make that list :)! My brain feels more organized now.

Blessed :: Happy

I've started studying my way through Matthew and today I found myself in Matthew 5. The Sermon on the Mount, specifically, The Beatitudes or, "The Blessings." It is said that The Sermon on the Mount was Jesus' 'standard' sermon, his 'Declaration of the Kingdom' (Guzik), if you will.

I was reading along with my usual commentary. I won't summarize the whole thing, but it was such a great study on these familiar passages.

One of the things that really stuck out to me was the meaning of the word blessed: "The idea behind the ancient Greek word for blessed is "happy," but in the truest, godly sense of the word, not in our modern sense of merely being comfortable or entertained at the moment" (Guzik).


In an earlier post I pondered joy during trials and considered the distinction between joy and happiness. Joy is a fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22-23) present during strife and during blessing; and happiness is an emotion. This study in Matthew seemed to shed a little more light on the concept of happiness.


Noah Webster, in his 1828 edition of Webster's American Dictionary of the English Language, defines happy as:

The pleasurable sensations derived from the gratification of sensual appetites render a person temporarily happy; but he only can be esteemed really and permanently happy, who enjoys peace of mind in the favor of God. To be in any degree happy, we must be free from pain both of body and of mind; to be very happy, we must be in the enjoyment of lively sensations of pleasure, either of body or mind.

I love that Mr. Webster includes a godly definition of happiness in his 1828 edition. He goes on to cite Bible verses that use the word in a sentence. My, how times have changed!

In Matthew 5:3-11, Jesus says that blessed (happy) is the person that exhibits the following character traits. Remember the part of Noah Webster's definition that states: "but he only can be esteemed really and permanently happy, who enjoys peace of mind in the favor of God." This is the kind of happiness that Jesus is talking about.

Our founding fathers talked about this too, in our Declaration of Independence:

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness"

These men thought of happiness, and the endeavor to obtain it, as a right that neither law or nature could separate from a person. The founding fathers didn't tell us how to pursue happiness. They just made sure we could grow up in a country that allowed us to do so.

The passion and faith in God that brought this country together has long been swept over by many Americans. It doesn't surprise me to hear worldly definitions of what the 'pursuit of happiness' is today. A simple Internet search results in definitions such as: 'property,' 'comfortable living,' 'freedom to marry whomever' and on it goes. For some reason, our society fights with all their might to ignore God, rather than turn to Him. This fight is in the efforts of almost every evolutionist, atheist and lifestyle of sin out there. Look around and you will see, the struggle to swim upstream for our own versions of happiness. We Americans all define the path to happiness a little differently. This is probably why they didn't put a specific description in the declaration... I'm not sure they would agree on one either.

Thankfully, Jesus put a specific description in the Bible. In Matthew 5:3-11, Jesus gives us His 'Decleration of the Kingdom," and describes the pursuit of happiness. True happiness. We might think that property would make us happy, or comfortable living, good health etc. but God knows best. He made us and designed us. He knows what will really make us happy and how to help us achieve it.

Sometimes that means going through adversity, trials or discipline. During those times we can cling to the hope and joy that He provides. We also know that at the end of the trials or discipline, when we have learned the lesson and have our priorities straight, we will be happier and smarter (Ps. 119:67).

I'm not a parent, but look at any good parent and you will see that they discipline their children because they love them. God does this too (Prov. 3:12; Heb. 12:6). Parents want their kids to grow up and make good choices. Choices that will let them live and be long-term happy. They sacrifice the short-term happiness of the moment, for the long-term character traits that lead to a healthy, happy life. A 'blessed' life.

I won't go into sermon-like details of the outline for blessing/happiness: 'poor in spirit,' 'those who mourn,' 'those who hunger' etc., you can read it for yourself. Just trust me that upon deeper study, these words (and the whole Bible - the Word of Life) do reveal the path your heart should take to true happiness. Daily keeping ourselves right with God and desiring Him with all our heart, soul and mind (Matt. 22:37). Happiness because we have, as Webster put it, "peace of mind in the favor of God." We know where and in Whom we stand.

That makes me happy.

Photo Tidbits

Today I got my first library card as an adult! We didn't live inside city limits for most of my youth, and because of that we couldn't use the library for free. Sadly, it took me over a year of living here to get around to registering. I really want to start reading more, so I thought maybe this was a good start.

I chose green, but was really tempted by blue ;)

The first book I checked out. I have two others on hold: bread books!

A fun foodie project: Bible study treats from last Tuesday. It was a fantastic way to use fresh cherries and still enjoy them fresh. I'd definitely recommend it! I got the idea from this recipe.

Pitted, thus the holes.

Some rolled in toasted coconut, some plain, some rolled in toasted sliced almonds.

Mutant cherries, four sets in one bag!

 A few pictures from my drive:

One of my favorite views. I love this little pond, usually full of ducks.

From the road (I did pull over to take the pictures).

This weekend we grilled a 17.7lb prime rib. It took four hours of cooking and 45 minutes of resting. It turned out perfectly! Our friends, the Dunbars, had us and our Bible study friends over to their house. Blake and I were the primary 'chefs' which was really fun!

The beast, all rubbed and seasoned up, ready for the grill.

It was so ridiculously delicious! An incredible sight to behold... even better to eat.

A lively game of bocce ball after dinner.

Last but not least, a few work shots. I helped take some pictures today for the newsletter, so I thought I'd share a few. Our rehab team is always changing the only constants are myself, our OT and our PTA (not pictured).

Me, Tom/PT, Kim/OT, Scott/COTA and the Let 'R Buck logo. Cause we're in Pendleton ;)

This is our goat Gertie. She lives in the nursing home's back yard.

This is her home. She comes in to visit the residents frequently. She wears a diaper and has on her pink collar and leash.

Confessions

Cookie Confessions:

I make over three batches of cookies a month. I shape them into balls and freeze them.

I eat cookie dough out of the freezer at least once a night.

I eat about one cookie a month actually baked.

My husband loves chocolate chip cookies, preferably his mom's recipe to the T. Which includes mixing by hand, using shortening only, no butter, and imitation vanilla (He can actually taste the difference if I use a mixer... you know, like your supposed to).

I have been making cookies with half the shortening for over two months now and it has gone unnoticed. I also use real vanilla. Scandalous I know.

I love to bake, except chocolate chip cookies... so boring.

A double batch

Four dozen, ready for the freezer
We'll see how long this lasts...

Dinner Confessions:

I use my roasting pan more often for cheesecakes than I do for roasts.

I buy a store rotisserie chicken about three times a month. We eat it for dinner night one, and use the rest for up to two other meals.

If I was a really great homemaker I would ALWAYS make chicken stock from the carcass. Instead I do this maybe once a month.

It's not uncommon that I'll serve broccoli as many as three times a week. It's cheep, we buy it at Costco, and it's easy.

I insist on serving something green with every meal. If it isn't broccoli, it's probably canned green beans.

The chances of me following a recipe correctly are slim-to-none. Usually that's because I didn't read it all the way through, but sometimes because of my 'creative genius'.

I'm a super messy cook. My kitchen floor looks like eight people live here.

I usually pick the menu for dinner based on one ingredient and almost always during my drive home (I am trying to start planning weekly menus though).

I let my husband eat Mickey Mouse chicken nuggets because the breading has some whole wheat in it.

I make my husband elaborate lunches, weighing out the ingredients for caloric information and with well balanced snacks- all the night before. I make pb&j on my way out the door.

Cleaning Confessions:

I only vacuum when it looks like it needs it. My mom would be ashamed, she vacuums daily, dirt or no dirt (I do clean the kitchen floor more frequently).

I only dust when people are going to come over. It's the desert, dust blows in two seconds after you've removed it.

I use all non-toxic cleaners (my all-time favorite brand: method). Yet, we use bleach in the laundry.

My husband actually does the laundry, including line drying all the things that require it. I just hang it up.

I can't see our shower because I don't wear my glasses in there. So I presume it's clean enough until proven dirty.


Miscellaneous Confessions:

I do most of my Facebooking, emailing, etc. from my phone in bed between the hours of 11:00 pm and 12:00 am.

I always drag my sorry rear out of bed happily get up to see my husband off to work in the morning. I don't always stay up, since I set my own start time at work.

Sometimes I wake up and accomplish something noticeable just so I can have an excuse to take a mid-morning nap.

I am usually running late for my self determined work starting time.

I am always running late on days that I take a mid-morning nap.

I realize that when we have kids I'll have a rude awakening to real life. Half the time I try to make good habits now. The other half I try to enjoy this lifestyle while I can.

I probably finish about 3/5 projects within the 30 day period I started them.

"When are you guys going to have kids!?"

This is the story of my journey toward motherhood (we're not there yet):
We get asked this question a lot. I really don't mind, it's to be expected at this stage in our lives. My mom doesn't ask because she knows that I have gone through many phases of wanting or not wanting kids and the reasons for those phases. I also think that she trusts us to make the decision when we're ready and just doesn't feel the need to meddle. Sometimes my answer to this question is: "Maybe never."

The truth is, we did go through a phase where we seriously questioned if we should have kids instead of how many and when. We both agreed that we wanted kids when we were dating, but certainly not anytime soon. After we got married, we thought it was pretty great to have our time all to each other and we were impressed with what life with two incomes might offer. We selfishly thought that maybe this DINK (Double Income, No Kids) lifestyle would be better than all that stress and cost of raising kids in this society. At first the motivation was really just selfish. I had just finished working in the schools and was working with pediatrics right after our honeymoon, so this seemed like a nice way to satisfy my love for kids... enjoy them at work but don't bring them home.

After several months of marriage I started working in geriatrics again. Maybe it was God's hand but I had several patients in a row that never had children. It was uncanny that patient after patient was unable to have children and either adopted, took care of nieces and nephews or just lived without dependents. I realized the longevity of the decision we would make at such a young age. It's not something you can really change your mind about after a certain point. I also realized how hard it was for these elderly couples that didn't have kids or grand kids to help them make decisions or care for them. This was now a selfish reason to have kids. We weren't really getting anywhere... selfish reasons for, selfish reasons against. Self, self, self, me, me, me.

Time passed and life went on. I started to question whether it would even be a good idea to bring kids into this world, with the way things were going- our country's economy... the crazy things going on in the Middle East. Not only that but I was watching friends that had toddlers to teenagers and wasn't sure I wanted any of those issues. Ever. So I really pondered this. I love babies, but that stage is gone fast and then it's years of work and worry as you try to shape a free willed mind to love God and obey Him when so few other people are asking the same. I was pretty serious about this, but Blake thought he wanted to experience fatherhood and teaching our kids things. He thought that sounded like fun. Ya, fun for him, I thought. Still lots of work and worry for me. Also he only said this once or twice, usually he just 'joked' about how much he didn't want kids with other people. So I wasn't sure how seriously he'd been taking this or how seriously I could take him.

Time continued to go on and we were growing together and, more importantly, together toward God. My heart softened during a small group study of the book The Excellent Wife toward my role as a Biblical wife and woman. I started to long to stay home and do my duty as a wife, a feeling I did not have before. I had learned during my stint of unemployment that staying home had it's benefits, and a stay-at-home-wife lifestyle sounded great (that took care of the stay-at-home part.. now I just needed to get to -mom rather than -wife). Through this study, our marriage really blossomed too, we were really communicating now and were following a much more Biblical framework for marriage (i.e., leading husband, submissive wife), which had previously been a little unbalanced. It's amazing how working on your own behaviors, actions and motives can have positive change your spouse's behaviors, actions and motives.. without even trying. It's also amazing how much better God's plan for a healthy marriage works than your own selfish stab at it.

Time went on, we were very happy where we were at when... It finally hit me. My love of babies (I truly do LOVE babies) went into overdrive after holding a friend's newborn. I was baby CRAZY. My mommy gene was in overdrive for a baby. But... I still wasn't sure about the toddler to teenage years. I obviously wasn't going to bring a kid into this world because I wanted to enjoy 12-15 months of it's eternal life. That would just be irresponsible.

It was during this time that we started to consider foster parenting. We could try to foster only babies! Maybe older kids as we got the hang of things. This seemed to be a way to meet my baby-only desire while doing some good. In all seriousness, being a foster parent (and adoption) has always been on my heart and I thought why not now. Getting started now, would make it more likely that we'd do it in the future too. I was afraid that we'd get too comfy in our lifestyle and never take that leap. Just because we weren't ready for a lifelong parenting commitment, didn't mean that we couldn't love some kids right now. We prayed and prayed and prayed.

Through orientation (a mandatory step in the process) we discovered that there wasn't a great need for foster parents that are willing to take only one kid and only ages 0-12 months, most infants seemed to come in sibling sets, and we didn't have the room to be set up for more than one kid, or specifically one over 12 months (infants are allowed to sleep in a crib in the parents' room, so we had room for them). Also, we realized that even if we could have offered our spare bedroom to an older kid (my brother stayed with us routinely for work and the bedroom was 'his') we weren't ready to parent a kid that needed real parenting. An infant needs attention and love, but less parent know-how and experience. That is what we felt able to provide... beginner parenting only. We realized that we wanted to go through the natural stages of becoming a parent, starting with itsy-bitsy infant and learning as they grew.

THIS WAS HUGE. We really did want to be parents! Not yet, but we found ourselves wanting this parent thing in sequence, and continuing past infancy! Someday, we really did want to be parents of real children that would grow up into *gasp* toddlers and *GASP* possibly beyond!

At some point during all of this we also had a tiny pregnancy scare and realized some important things in those few days:

1. We were not, nor were we ever, going to feel fully "ready".
2. We would happily accept the challenge if this was what God was putting before us.
3. We were ridiculously unable to afford for me to stop working.
   and most importantly:
4. We never even stopped to ask our Father if we should have kids or when He might want this to happen.

That was a crazy feeling. I never thought about our assumed *right* to have or not have children as anything other than just that: our right to choose (I'm not talking pro-choice in that sense. We are firmly pro-life). Were we willing to ask God, and if so, were we willing to listen to the answer?

As it turned out, we asked, we listened, we were not pregnant nor did we feel the calling to be so.

We entered a new stage of willingness to obey if called 'early', planning on when I am thirty, preparing our finances, changing our lifestyle to fit this goal, and praying that God would lead us in all of these areas. So that now when it is time to take the leap, we will enter with faith and trust that we've done what we can do to be prepared.

Last Sunday we brought it up again and reconfirmed our thoughts on this timeline. We talked excitedly, looking forward to the day when we might begin that journey. We also recalculated the spreadsheet to make sure we were on track for our 'plan' (thanks, Blake!). We feel convicted that in the meantime it is our responsibility to do what we can to prepare so that I can be a stay-at-home-momma. If, in fact, a momma is what God calls me to be.

It is certainly my heart's desire (now), to be a momma, but I am also willing to consider that God may have a plan for us other than the 'settle down, buy a house and have kids' plan. Just because it's what I want (now), doesn't mean that I'm closing my mind to the possibility that it may not be what God wants. He may be leading us to financial freedom in order to send us to the mission field. Whatever it is, I have given up my life in exchange for the one He has for me, and I will follow wherever He leads us... down the path of motherhood or not.

::

That is my journey toward motherhood, thus far.

(To be continued...)

The next installment: Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock

A Hot Cereal Kind of Day

Today is a FANTASTICALLY rainy day. I know I am probably alone in this simple pleasure, but I LOVE a nice rainy, gray, cloudy day. Sorry farmers, sorry outdoor laborers, sorry moms that have kids to entertain. Today it looks like rain!

: :

This morning, half awake, I stumbled out to the kitchen to make coffee, get a bowl of cereal and go about my quiet time routine. As I was reaching up to get a bowl, something struck me. Something was different about this morning. This morning my sinuses were happy in the whole house (not just the room with the humidifier). This morning the air conditioner wasn't kicking on every five seconds. This morning my husband hadn't taken his motorcycle to work. Could it be?! I went to the window. It was! Gray skies as far as I could see, puddles in the driveway, water dripping from the gutters. It was a rainy, gray, cloudy day!

Now I was awake! I went back to my bowl with a skip in my step and realized that this was a day that called for homemade Cream of Wheat! I hooked up my grain mill attachment and dug some wheat berries out of the fridge. As the grain mill whirred I smiled and thought of the hour and a half I'd get to spend driving to work, looking at the beauty of this rain. It was going to be a great Wednesday.

I settled in with my steaming bowl of wheaty goodness, steaming cup of coffee and my Bible. I could hear it starting to rain again. Thanks, Jesus, for the little things.

: :

Homemade Cream of Wheat
Original recipe found here

You will need:
Grain mill
Wheat berries (hard red or soft white wheat; either works fine), ground to medium-fine.

For a single serving:
1/4 c. fresh ground wheat
1 c. milk (or water) plus 1/4 c. milk
Pinch of salt
1 tsp butter/olive oil (optional)
Sugar as desired (optional)

Microwave Directions:
Combine ingredients in a microwave safe bowl, stir.
Microwave on high for one minute, stir, microwave for another 30 seconds.
Add remaining 1/4 c. of cold milk, stir, and enjoy!

Stove Top Directions:
Bring 1 c. milk (or water) almost to a boil.
Combine ingredients. Stir constantly to prevent lumps for about one to two minutes.
Take off the heat and add remaining 1/4c. of cold milk, stir and enjoy!

Pure Joy

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.       

James 1:2-4 NIV

What a concept. Not only does it say when you face trials (not if ) it says that you are to consider it an occasion for joy!

I'm thankful that this says "trials of many kinds" and not: "really serious trials only." Sometimes life brings major trials and this is definitely a time to find our joy in Jesus and carry on. Yet, life can also bring little trials. Probably not considered a trial in some minds, but when it causes you to either stress out or learn to lean on Jesus.. I think it can be called a trial. I'm going through said type of trial. It's not a huge major trial like an illness of a family member, personal illness or a long separation from a spouse, those are major trials.

Life is bringing stressors that could either drive me inward- toward self dependence or upward - toward greater dependence on God and His leading. These stressors are minor things like: finances, timelines, housing options, automobile repairs and replacements. Yet, when all thrown together it makes for instability.

After some time praying yesterday, trying to discern what God's will is for a few situations in life I was reminded of the passage above in James. God was reminding me that the physical outcome of these decision aren't the only way my life is impacted. He reminded me that I'm also being stretched and grown. "The testing of your faith develops perseverance." This is hard because it's testing my faith, but in the end, I'll be better off for having gone through this process with the Lord and with my husband. We're on our way toward being made more mature and complete in Christ. We'll be better servants, spouses and parents by working through these life changes and learning to live in faith.

After reading James, I looked those passages up in my favorite commentary, by David Guzik. I liked what he had to say about the topic:

i. Patience/Perseverance is the ancient Greek word hupomone. This word does not describe a passive waiting, but an active endurance. It isn’t so much the quality that helps you sit quietly in the doctor’s waiting room as it is the quality that helps you finish a marathon.

ii. The ancient Greek word hupomone comes from hupo (under) and meno (to stay, abide, remain). At its root, it means to remain under. It has the picture of someone under a heavy load and resolutely staying there instead of trying to escape. ... The Greek commentator Oesterley said this word patience describes “the frame of mind which endures.”
...
c. Develops perseverance: Trials don’t produce faith, but when trials are received with faith, it develops perseverance. But perseverance is not inevitably produced in times of trial. If difficulties are received in unbelief and grumbling, trials can produce bitterness and discouragement. This is why James exhorts us to consider it pure joy. Counting it as joy is faith’s response to a time of trial.

I like how he described patience as "active endurance." This is life: a heavy load, a marathon, requiring ongoing movement while enduring. You can't really escape it, but trying to do so can lead to bitterness and discouragement- no thanks! Might as well develop a "frame of mind which endures." Heaven knows I'll have many more things to endure, great and small trials, in the road ahead.

i. “It is occasionally asserted that James asks his readers to enjoy their trials . . . He did not say that they must feel it all joy, or that trials are all joy.” (Hiebert)

Guzik said: faith's response to a time of trials is: joy. We aren't being told to enjoy our trials (see above) but the response of a person who's faith is in Jesus is: joy. Joy because we are growing. Joy because God knows best. Joy because we are developing perseverance. Joy because life has greater meaning than any of these trials. Joy because we are loved by our Father.

Joy has been on my mind lately. I recently heard a sermon on the radio by David Hocking. He's a straight shooter and was clearing up the misnomer that joy is relative to our emotional state or mood. It isn't. Joy isn't happiness, although they can coincide. Joy is what you experience during times of trials and during times of blessing. Joy is a fruit of the Spirit. When you have the Holy Spirit in your life, you have a part of the Trinity living in you. This is one of God's gifts to us.

"If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will [your] heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!"   Luke 11:13

I am reading the book Radical: Taking Back Your Faith from the American Dream in which the author, David Platt, made the point that in the verse above Jesus compares gifts to our children to the Holy Spirit. This is God's gift to us. When we need comfort, He gives us the Comforter (HS), when we face trials in faith, He gives us the Spirit that produces joy.

"But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!"   Galatians 5:22-23

How badly I want to possess all those qualities mentioned in Galatians. I want to love, to be kind, to be joyful and gentle and self-controlled. I guess this takes time. It takes daily turning to the Lord in faith and asking His Spirit to keep working in me. Which is what I'll do :)


On a lighter note: here are some little things that bring me simple joy (which is probably actually happiness).

Fruit! I love having fresh fruit!

The graph that my husband makes from his spreadsheets that represent our debt going down. These spreadsheets change weekly, daily sometimes, as he reconfigures the "theoretical" numbers to give the most accurate timeline (ignore the blue line when it drops.. we're not there yet). Oh how I love him!

Love notes on the mirror. A reminder that he loves me too :)

'Love' notes on the dishwasher make me pretty happy too!

Life on the Fence

I feel like I am living on top of a fence. A wide and tall and deep fence... please bear with the analogy...

On one side: the world full of sinfulness and lost people being blinded by the devil. On the other side: an eternity of righteousness, truth, love and goodness. We start off in the world because of Adam and Eve. We are born sinners. Through God's gracious gift of Jesus, we have the choice to climb out of that world and eventually enter into heaven. We are stuck 'in' the world but it is not our home (i.e., not 'of' the world). It's like we get to climb out and away from the mire onto the fence of salvation. Yet, we have been commanded to preach the Gospel, to be salt and light, and to help as many people as we can to climb up out of the world and on to that fence of salvation. So we can't get too far away from the world or we'll be no good at helping people out of it. We also can't get too close to the world, or we might get duped into dangling our feet in their muddy waters.

In his preface to The Screwtape Letters, C. S. Lewis wrote:

There are two equal and opposite errors into which our race falls about devils. One is to disbelieve in their existence. The other is to believe, and to feel an excessive and unhealthy interest in them. They themselves are equally pleased by both errors, and hail a materialist or a magician with the same delight.

I used to care what the world thought, I was a materialist, as C.S. Lewis put it. Yet, I also cared what the Lord thought and what the other people onthe fence thought (i.e., other believers).

I once befriended a person, out of natural circumstance, thinking that she wouldn't drag me into the world but that I would lead her up onto the fence. As you can imagine. It was much easier for her to have me teetering towards the world side than it was for me to pull her up there. In the end, I stayed on the fence and she walked away, further into the world. During that time of teetering, I started to stink more like the pride and selfishness of the world. My priorities were skewed by the world's priorities. As I said, I didn't fall off the fence (i.e., I didn't lose my salvation or sight of God) but I took on some of the world's qualities.  I tried to play the game of being friends with the world and with Jesus, I tried to serve two masters. This does not work, as the Bible clearly states. (James 4:4, Matt. 6:24). 

Jesus paid a high price for me to sit up on that fence, and for me to one day cross to the other side of the fence into the perfect eternity of heaven. He wasn't going to let me fall in without a fight. He didn't give up on me and I am now safely attached to the fence. I have learned my lesson about being friends with the world. I understand this verse more now than I ever could before.

"If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for Me, you will find it." -Jesus    Matt. 10:39

So here I sit on the fence, no longer trying to keep both sides happy. I surrender my measly life plan for the greater picture of God's plan.  When some worldly desire dances across my mind, I dismiss it because I know that what God has for us is far better than what the world can offer. Will I ever shop in Paris? Walk the streets of England? Maybe not, but I'll reassure myself that the clothes of heaven and streets of gold will be better than all the material goods in this world. I know that the promises of God are greater than anything this world can offer me.

I know these things with my head and my heart. I'm sold out, as they say. I serve one master. Yet still the struggle exists, the day-to-day choice to pick up our cross and follow Him. How do I sit up on this fence and also make some sort of an impact on the world?

::

Living in the US is a blessing, but also gives us choices that they don't have in, say, Haiti. Referring back to what C.S. Lewis said, in the US satan wants to make us materialists, but in Haiti, he wants lead them away from Christ as magicians. It makes me wonder how I ended up where I did. Did God know that I wouldn't hack it on the dirt roads of Haiti, or vice verse? How did I get to be so lucky as to have the 'struggle' of dying to my selfishness. These aren't choices they have in most parts of Haiti, they don't ponder organic vs. store brand. However, they fight a different battle that we'll never fight. Open spiritual warfare isn't something we see in the US. Thinking about my challenge to live modestly in contrast to seeing my neighbor be possessed by a demon puts some perspective on things.

I am reminded that my command is the same as theirs: love the Lord with all your heart, all your soul and all your mind; and love your neighbor as yourself.

I will always remember the tenacity these girls had
for survival and for anything American
(especially for my American snacks)!
Tricotte, Haiti - 2004

Weekend Life

We try to enjoy this stage of our lives by really taking advantage of our freedom and flexibility. We won't always be able to pack up and take off on Thursday or Friday nights and be gone all weekend. We won't always be able to make last minute plans and change those plans at will.

Our families are important to us. Most of them live in the same small town four hours from here; our parents live less than a mile from each other. We have other important family and friends in Seattle, and another group of important family in Boise. All of these places are within four hours of driving. This does make seeing our families much easier, but also means that we are away from our home most weekends.

Not this weekend though. This weekend we stayed home and tried to get some housework done and get out into the community.  Ahhh :)

Saturday morning we made it to the Pasco Farmer's Market. We try to get out to either the Pasco or Richland markets to get some fresh produce for the week's menu.

This was it! It's usually WAY bigger, but I guess
it's still early in the season. We managed to find
some fruits and some beautiful chard.

We also tried a Hawaiian Smoothie.
This one is Hawaiian Lemonade:
strawberries, lemon and kiwi.

After the farmer's market, we still needed to get some more groceries for the week, so we went to the Country Mercantile. I love this store. During the summers it's full of fun produce and all sorts of local products and goodies.

We were looking for milk in glass bottles, but they didn't carry it. I also bought some other produce and cherries, which was a surprise this early in the season.

This is one type local product
that they sell. I'm not sure
 about this one though.
Canned Cobbler!? Hmm.

After the Country Mercantile, we finished up our grocery shopping with Albertson's and Costco. Not terribly exciting, except that we do love us a Costco trip. We also went to United Grocers. It's funny that we shop in bulk so much when there is just two of us. We like to get big packs of things and then use our Food Saver to break it down into smaller portions and freeze it. Like we'll buy a whole fillet of salmon and then cut it into servings and vacuum seal them. Blake's newest idea is to get a meat slicer and make our own lunch meat. I'm thinking that we aren't there yet ;). We don't use that much lunch meat. I think that we'll be pros if we decide to have a big family!

::

We had dinner after our grocery shopping (steaks, yams and broccoli, all grilled) and did some gardening.

We now have the following vegetables growing: Tomato (1), jalapenos (2), other hot peppers (2), bell peppers (5), cucumber (1), strawberries (2), lettuce/spring greens (4).

We also have the following herbs growing: Basil (4), dill (4), sage (1), rosemary (1 large), thyme (2), oregano (1), mint (1). I'm going to try growing my cucumber and future squash plants vertically!

My sage plant (top left) came back from last year, after nearly dying this winter. I've never seen it flower like this before.

After our dinner and gardening, we got an invite to come over to a friend's bbq. Since we'd already eaten, I decided to make a dessert to bring. I had just bought a ton of blueberries and it was a good reason to use them. I made Blueberry Pudding Cake, delicious. The recipe can be found here.

Not the best picture, but this
was the leftovers.

We had a great time visiting with friends. It feels like we never get to just go hang out at friends' houses, since we're never in town. Most of our friends here are originally friends of Blake's from college or new friends from church. We see our church friends every Tuesday during Bible study, but the two groups (Blake's friends and church friends) don't overlap (yet.. wouldn't that be great if they did one day).

Sunday came and brought a beautiful day for church out in their amphitheater. They do this only during the summer. Eventually it gets too hot and has to move to the early service, which we don't usually make it up for :).

At the top of the amphitheater.

I thought this might be a cool shot,
please don't interpret it as signs of boredom.
The study was great!

It happened to be communion Sunday.

The fountain, that also serves as the baptismal.

Took a few other shots while I had the camera out.

I love having my shoes off and my toes in the grass.

Our Sunday tradition is to get breakfast burritos from Roberto's Taco Shop after church. These things are so good! I'm sure my photos won't do it justice, but will make me recall the deliciousness that once was on my palate.

Egg, bacon, potato and cheese. Best served cut in half with
a side of 'green' sauce (which is actually brown).

Simple weekend, but thoroughly enjoyed. It's the sort of weekend that we'll think of as ordinary and boring a few years from now, when most of our weekends are this way. I'm sure that we'll wish for the last minute getaway weekends when we're in the stage of staying home with our family. The grass is always greener, isn't it.