Lessons in Love

Love is a complex thing. So complex that in the original languages (Greek, Hebrew, Latin etc) they have multiple words to describe what we describe with one word in English: love.

I've been learning about love lately, in a way that is hard to explain but I'm going to try for the sake of remembering the lessons later.

To preface, I just have to say that I've been loved my whole life. I grew up in a house where my parents and family loved me and told me so daily. I grew up going to church and learning about God's love. I have had dear friends that I love and who have loved me back. I have been covered by and surrounded by love all of my life.

One day I realized that I loved Blake, but even more amazing... I realized that he loved me. I mean, he really loved me. The longer we are married the more it sinks in, he really loves me. I can't explain why this was such a revelation but it certainly was. I have never felt as loved as I do now in my marriage.

As I analyze (because this is what I do) how Blake makes me feel, and how I act in relation to how I feel and how all of these experiences reshape my understanding of love; I not only know in my head that Blake loves me, but I know it deep in my heart, I experience it.

At some point it occurred to me that as much as I know that God loves me, I know that I love Him, I fear, respect, and am deeply grateful to Him, I also don't feel as loved by God as I do by Blake. I know I'm loved by God, in my head, I know that I love Him and I know how much I don't deserve His love. But as I started to wrap my head around how deeply I love Blake and how deeply I feel loved by Blake, it made me start to wonder why I didn't feel this deep sense of love in relation to God.

Like I said, I have been loved my whole life, and I have loved God as best I could.. but once I realized that love could be deeper and more intimate than the love I'd known by my parents and friends... I wanted to extend that feeling to my Creator. I can't really explain this, except to think that maybe Blake is the first person that has the choice to love me. I know my parents don't have to love me, but it seems like it isn't as much of a choice for them as it is for Blake. Maybe this is something I'll understand when I have kids, but at any rate this isn't to say anything negative about the love from my parents.

As I understand how I think about and experience love differently, I start to understand that the verses in the Bible about God's love for us describe an even greater love than the love I feel from Blake. The tangible love that I feel in marriage helps me understand a little better the depth of God's love for us.

This all seems a little backwards to me... shouldn't I feel the love of God the strongest, since His love is the strongest? Shouldn't I compare Blake's love to God's love, and not the other way around? I really don't know. All I can say is that this is how it is unfolding.

And as it unfolds I am learning what it means to truly feel loved by God, and to deeply love him back in a different way. When I say that I love Jesus, something in me understands it differently. It is tangible, intimate, logical and emotional. I think it used to be a little less intimate and emotional, and a little more logical.

Isn't growing great!? I've heard it said, "if you aren't growing - you're dying." Another saying goes, "if you don't use it, you lose it." This is true in all aspects of life. Sometimes it's painful to grow, but what's the alternative? Life is about moving forward, dying to my selfish self, being a little more like Christ today than I was yesterday and growing a little deeper in the grace and understanding of Jesus (2 Peter 3:18).