Sprung

I don't really know when it happened, and I feel like I missed the entire season, but all of a sudden I look around and realize that spring has sprung.

I'm not sure I'll ever get used to the weather here. I think it feels like I missed spring because we only had maybe five days of rain and maybe a handful of gray/cloudy days outside of that. Where I come from, spring (and most of winter) is months and months of rain and overcast days. Not here.

Essentially, around here it almost always looks like summer, but only feels like summer during the summer months. The rest of the year it is about the same from the inside looking out: bright and brown. Spring and early summer are the rare exceptions when things start to bloom and turn green and you could possibly describe certain areas as 'pretty'. After spring it gets so hot that things turn brown and stay that way again until next spring :).

As I looked around our yard last weekend I realized that the tulips had bloomed and died, the trees had bloomed and were now growing leaves instead of petals and the weeds are already establishing their nasty roots. All of a sudden it's still daylight out by the time we're done with dinner and the sun is up before me. When did this happen? Where did spring go? There were no weeks of crummy weather to remind me to curl up with a hot drink and look out the window at the spring flowers. I'll have to set a reminder on my phone for next year, since the weather didn't seem to clue me in. I suppose I'm also a little preoccupied lately too ;).

I'm really looking forward to summer for several reasons (not working, enjoying the outdoors and, oh ya, having a baby!) but I didn't want to take spring for granted. I'm trying to stop and smell the roses (or rather watch the roses grow and hopefully bud) a little more with life in general and hopefully this will help me appreciate what is left of spring. It's so easy to look forward to the next stage of life without stopping to appreciate the stage you're about to leave.

We started planting the garden last weekend! Soon everything will be growing like a weed... or rather growing lots of weeds.. but for now it's so fun to see the little starts, lattice and cages all set up with lots of open space in between. We primarily planted those vegetables that we are starting from seed, since we still have a few weeks before we're safe from the danger of frost and hopefully those little seeds will take their full time to germinate so they don't get frostbite between now and then. We're also taking measures against the rabbits this year!

Showered Again!

What fun it is to be having a baby! Last weekend Blake's family threw us a shower and what fun we had! There were three babies under three months and lots of people came. We received some really great gifts and are feeling very close to 'ready' for this little Pumpkin to come (if you can ever really feel 'ready', that is)! Here are some pictures from this shower.

This cake was soooo good!

Grandma Joan getting in some snuggles with Claire

We received so many great books! Including one that Blake's grandpa wrote and his aunt illustrated!

Heidi and sweet little Finn

Claire, Finn and Lincoln
Claire and Finn were born in February and Lincoln was born April 2nd!

Claire: "Eww, who dropped the diaper bomb!?"    Finn: "I think it was this guy"    Lincoln: "It was me.."

Pumpkin: Weeks 30 & 31

April 6th - April 19th

How I Look

31 weeks - 4/13/13

My laptop battery is dying and I can't find the charger.. so you get an unedited picture this week.

How I Feel
In general, I feel great. A little tired by evening and always hungry! Emotionally I feel pretty stable, if not just a teensy bit sappy on occasion.

What I Feel
My Braxton-Hicks contractions have taken things to a new level and are at the peak of annoying. They are pretty constant from about noon on, moving their way around from place to place getting worse as the evening goes on. Sometimes it's hard to walk, and forget bending over. It is all normal and okay... just really annoying by the time I crawl into bed. Mostly it has been in these last two weeks that they've kicked it into high gear, and I will say that by the end of this week I'm starting to get used this as my new normal. There is kind of an 'old wives tale' that early, hard BH contractions mean a shorter labor because your uterus is primed, practiced and ready to go. It isn't scientifically proven but I like to let myself think that the annoyance now will help me in the end ;).

What We're Doing
Nesting! And I'm not ashamed to say it :). My version of nesting is crafting, maybe I'll get to the cleaning stage later. I've been working on a few projects for the nursery and gathering things to decorate the wall. I can't wait to get the glider in place so that I can start hanging things up. I made a few things for the wall and also made some liners for the baskets on the changing table, since the only ones I could find that fit in there didn't have any. I've also continued to organize her things and putting away gifts from a shower at work this week. I'm starting to wash some things like blankets, bibs and burp cloths and slowly loading up the diaper bag. Here are some cell phone shot sneak peaks of a few crafts:

'Subway art' (or my version of it) on canvas

Framed fabric and hair accessories.

Previous baby post: Pumpkin: Weeks 28 & 29

Next baby post: Pumpkin: Weeks 32 & 33

Showered and Thanked

As previously mentioned, I had my first baby shower the Saturday of Easter weekend. It was fun! So many cute outfits and some much appreciated practical things. It was a really nice mix of practical and fun, which was great. Here are some pictures:

We played the 'guess how big my belly is with this piece of yarn' game ... most people were WAAAY off!
(blurry, I know)

My first cloth diaper!

Cute outfits abound! This one is from my aunt Sandy.

My diaper (hand)bag :)

This simple blanket is pretty special to me. My grandma Bonnie made it and it is really similar to the one
that she made me, which was my favorite blanket as a kid. Somehow, this blanket has the same feel
as my old one did (only it feels slightly less worn!)

Flowers from my Grandma S.

The favor I took home :)

The party favors, or what was left of them after the party anyway.

Onesie confetti... isn't it cute :)

The following week was my spring break... oh glorious spring break. This one was a little different than last year! I'm surprised to say that I hardly touched my computer, I think maybe once I opened it up to edit pictures, only to realize the pictures were still on the memory card in my camera, which was across the room. So I just turned it off. I'm guiltily admitting that I hardly touched my camera as well [inserting guilty admission to photo challenge friends here. Yes, I had an entire week to get caught up on prompts... but zero inspiration]. So. What DID I do during spring break?

Well, lets be honest. I slept in. I'm awake a lot during the night, so I was usually awake when Blake left and could have easily gotten out of bed, but instead I stayed and felt Pumpkin roll around until I fell back asleep, telling myself something like 'I deserve this' or 'I might as well get extra sleep while I can'. It. was. glorious.

And somewhat unproductive. Productivity is what makes time stick in my brain, so an unproductive week turns in to only a few days and I leave the week thinking... where did the time go!?

My primary project for spring break was to get as many thank you cards made as I could. For some reason, a store bought thank you card just doesn't feel adequate in expressing the gratitude I have for all the people that want to shower us with baby gifts. I feel like I need to put a little heart into the card so they know how much I appreciate their thoughtfulness. Why.. I don't know. I sure don't feel any less thanked when I get a store bought card! I'm going to blame it on pregnancy hormones. So without further adieu, here is a sample of the cards I made. It was really fun! I enjoyed coming up with different ways of doing them and really enjoyed the assembly once all the cutting was out of the way.

Re-purposing the onesie confetti ;)

These ones had various background papers, all some kind of pink pattern.

I also ended up putting a single pearl on the collar of these, but didn't get a picture of it.

I also enjoyed the nice weather by being outside some and getting a few walks in; and I did the usual stuff like grocery shop, keep the house clean, make dinner etc. The week at home completely and utterly made me so excited for summer and the switch to being a stay at home mom/wife (we'll see how many weeks Pumpkin gives me to be a stay at home wife). This week was a little sweeter knowing that it's close to the last time I'll have the house to myself! I imagine it will take some time of adjusting to life with an infant before I have as peaceful of a week at home as spring break was ;)! Really though, it would be boring to have too many days to myself, so whenever little Pumpkin makes her entrance is fine with me (provided it is preferably after school is out and at the very least after 37 or more weeks gestation).

I Love You

These three little words can be said in haste or they can be said with the deepest of passion.

These three little words are said often because we never know which words will be the last we say to a loved one.

These three little words accompany three little kisses at night and a kiss with an embrace in the morning, they are said before we end a phone call and before we leave to run an errand.

These three little words are sometimes all that's said, but never all that's implied.

In the morning before you leave for work when I groggily say, "I love you" with my arms wrapped tightly around you, what I'm really saying is: "Thank you for getting up before daybreak, driving or carpooling forty-five minutes to a job in the middle of nowhere that you don't love. Thank you for doing your job like you love it anyway so that you can keep it and continue providing for us. I appreciate every minute you spend in a meeting or writing {another} paper. I appreciate that you face this seemingly never-ending drudgery with a willingness to find the silver-lining and heart that hopes to honor the Lord. I'm so grateful for everything you do that keeps us going. I love you, sweetie. Have a good day!"

At night when I say, "I love you" before turning out the light, what I mean is: "Thank you for being such a wonderful husband. I am so blessed by you. You are patient and kind, you are not selfish and you make me feel like a priority. You will be a great father. How did I get so lucky to marry a man like you? I could never deserve your love. I know we have our faults but you try so willingly to overcome them. Sweet dreams, my love. Sleep well."

When I say, "[I] love you" before we hang up the phone or run out the door, what my heart is saying is: "Be safe, be well and I looking forward to seeing you soon! If something happens and 'soon' turns into heaven, I'll miss you dearly until then. Please know how deeply you are cared for and how much joy you bring to my life!"

Three little words, but they mean something so much bigger.

I love you, my sweet husband.

The Power (and Peril) of Praise

This article was just too good not to share. I'll warn you, it's long (five web pages). I'll also summarize for you, but would encourage you to read it for yourself too. I liked how they didn't just reference a study and leave it at that, they really followed through and wrapped up the topic.

How Not to Talk to Your Kids: The Power (and Peril) of Praising Your Kids -- New York Magazine

The article starts out looking at the difference between praising a student's intelligence and praising their effort. The first study they reference discovered that students praised for their intelligence often gave up on or avoided new challenges and did quite poorly when given a challenge. The students that were praised for their effort took on new challenges and tried harder - usually doing better.

“Emphasizing effort gives a child a variable that they can control,” Dweck [the researcher] explains. “They come to see themselves as in control of their success. Emphasizing natural intelligence takes it out of the child’s control, and it provides no good recipe for responding to a failure.” In follow-up interviews, Dweck discovered that those who think that innate intelligence is the key to success begin to discount the importance of effort. I am smart, the kids’ reasoning goes; I don’t need to put out effort. Expending effort becomes stigmatized—it’s public proof that you can’t cut it on your natural gifts.

The article goes on to discuss praise as it relates to self-esteem, and the effects of the 'self-esteem movement' which espouses that "praise, self-esteem, and performance rise and fall together" (you know, the 'everyone gets a trophy' movement). 

After reviewing those 200 studies, Baumeister concluded that having high self-esteem didn’t improve grades or career achievement. It didn’t even reduce alcohol usage. And it especially did not lower violence of any sort. (Highly aggressive, violent people happen to think very highly of themselves, debunking the theory that people are aggressive to make up for low self-esteem.) At the time, Baumeister was quoted as saying that his findings were “the biggest disappointment of my career.”
Now he’s on Dweck’s side of the argument, and his work is going in a similar direction: He will soon publish an article showing that for college students on the verge of failing in class, esteem-building praise causes their grades to sink further. Baumeister has come to believe the continued appeal of self-esteem is largely tied to parents’ pride in their children’s achievements: It’s so strong that “when they praise their kids, it’s not that far from praising themselves."

The article brings it back home with a discussion about how we should praise and reward our kids. It ties back into the initial suggestion that praising the effort or the process is more effective and productive than praising the outcome or their intelligence. By praising kids differently, or rather by praising them specifically, we can help them build their cognitive and problem solving skills and teach them that persistence does pay off. There's reward in trying and not just in winning.

Cloninger has trained rats and mice in mazes to have persistence by carefully not rewarding them when they get to the finish. “The key is intermittent reinforcement,” says Cloninger. The brain has to learn that frustrating spells can be worked through. “A person who grows up getting too frequent rewards will not have persistence, because they’ll quit when the rewards disappear.”

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This rings true with what I know from being a speech therapist. Have you ever seen a completely prompt-dependent kid? They don't even think about what they're doing/saying, they just watch your face for cues of praise and land on the closest thing once they see it. We've taught them not to think but to look for the reward (but that is fairly rare, thankfully). I've also noticed this when assessing students and the difference between the effort put out when you tell a kid, "I like how hard you are trying" or "I like how you looked at all the pictures" vs just saying, "you're so smart, you're doing great". I'm reminded of neurological studies of dementia patients that show that even in a state of deterioration, the brain can still learn new things. Regardless of our innate intelligence capacity, our brains are amazingly designed to keep learning.

This also strikes a tone with my personal values. I've never bought into the idea that giving everyone a trophy was going to make the world a better place. I don't really think that making everyone feel good produces better work ethics, and I think that learning from our clearly defined mistakes is a valuable part of life, academic and personal. I'm also a believer that positive self-esteem is a mask for empty pride and that we shouldn't 'believe in ourselves' as much as we believe in God (Proverbs 3:5 comes to mind).

I know there is balance in all things, and we can't walk around living like doormats. However, my value isn't found in my opinion of myself but is found in God's opinion of me - and although humbling, it is also pretty encouraging. He unconditionally loves me even though I don't deserve it, and walking around with that in your head will get you farther than believing in yourself. Knowing that God finds value in you gives you a purpose and success is found not in achievements but in dependence on and reflection of Him. This is really the kind of praise I want my kids to get: praise that builds their character, teaches them to put others first and to live by a higher standard than one they or the world sets. Praise that teaches them to persist in all that life brings (academic or otherwise) and in faith and to trust in their Creator.

Anyway, very interesting and worth the read!

Pumpkin: Weeks 28 & 29

March 23rd - April 5th

Third Trimester!

We're in the final stretch now! I might actually consider the last few weeks the final stretch but you know, you take the milestones where you can get them.

How I Look
On one hand, there are people that ask me if I'm having twins. On the other hand, my midwife says as she measures my belly (uterus size), "textbook, right on track"... So I guess it just depends on your perspective. From my perspective, all I can say is: you can tell I'm in my third trimester!

How I Feel
Thankfully, I am feeling great lately! If I didn't have this wiggle worm in me reminding me that I'm growing a little sweetie pie I'd think I was just really chubby. Essentially, I really have no complaints lately! I suppose my back sometimes hurts, but nothing like it did before. On occasion I get heartburn, but again, not as bad as it has been and pretty rarely. I generally just feel good and I'll take it while I can! I do wake up a lot at night, for no reason really, but I'm not tired in the morning, just tired earlier in the evening. I consider that good training for what life will probably be like sometime in June ;).

What I Feel
She's still a wiggle worm, but she also has clear sleep/wake times. She did go though a few days of being really still, which was weird, but now she's back to her usual squirming. I'm sure it's getting tight in there and that probably changes things some. I can usually tell which way she's facing, in or out, but these days it's hard to tell if she's up, down or sideways... except when she's pushing on my ribs.. then it's pretty clear! She likes to do that more often, especially when I'm sitting with my legs up to one side. I can also feel those fantastic hormones working on my joints and ligaments, which makes my hips a little sore during the night if I don't switch sides often. I know those hormones have a job to do and I'll be glad they did it when the time comes! I also feel 'practice contractions,' as my midwife calls them (Braxton Hicks), very regularly still, but that's to be expected. Oh, and one funny thing that started lately, I feel my pulse in my uterus when I compress my abdomen (like if my pants are tight or if I bend forward while sitting etc.). Feels funny!

What We're Doing
Organizing all those lovely gifts we received at our first baby shower - so much fun (I'll try to post some pictures)! I have also started to decorate the 'nursery' a little and am working on making some things to that end. I also spent the week making over 60 thank you cards for this shower and my others. That was fun! I might have to post some pictures because I'm pretty happy with how they turned out. Card making isn't exactly my primary hobby, so it probably took me longer than it would take a seasoned card maker and scrapbooker, but it was fun anyway. Now that the weather is nicer, walks are happening more often and very soon Blake is quitting his second job which will drastically change our weeknight routines to include a little more focused working out!

I passed my glucose screening last week. I was so thankful to avoid the 'orange drink' and instead I got to just eat a specified amount of food (two eggs, two pieces of toast with two tsp of butter, 8 oz of milk and 8 oz of orange juice.. to be exact) and have my blood drawn two hours later. So much better than the killer headache that the orange drink would have given me (or anything with that much sugar). I also had my iron levels (or rather hemoglobin and hematocrit levels) tested to see if I'm anemic. While those levels were just a little bit low, my midwife thinks its because I've been good about getting protein and thus built up my blood volume sufficiently, and that my iron levels will catch up. I mostly understand what she's talking about ;) but am just glad I don't need to take iron supplements (I have enough gas and constipation issues without them, thankyouverymuch)! I try pretty hard to get lots of iron in my diet anyway (in addition to the dose that is already in my prenatals) but lately I started drinking green juice in a fruit smoothies (usually kale and spinach juice - we just got a juicer!), which is high in iron too.

We also had our birth classes with our midwife these weeks. She came to our house and did two classes with us, going over the expectations of latent and active labor through postpartum care and nursing. We did some homework practicing ways to handle labor (positions, strategies etc) and will continue to read through some of those ideas as we wait out the next 10-13 weeks. We're trying to stay patient as this final stretch begins, but we're also getting so excited to meet our little Sweet P!

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Previous baby post: Pumpkin: Weeks 26 & 27

Next baby post: Pumpkin: Weeks 30 & 31

Pumpkin: Weeks 26 & 27

March 9th - March 22nd

How I Look
It seems like I look about the same. From my perspective (looking down) I feel a little bit huge.. but thank goodness for the perspective of pictures :). I'm gaining weight a little more quickly than I had been, or so the scale says, but I don't feel it too much. Oh, and that hair thing.. never mind. I'm still shedding. And I'm okay with that.

How I Feel
Uncomfortable, but getting better. There was a stretch in there where my back hurt no matter what I did or didn't do and it was hard to get comfortable in any situation, sitting standing or laying. I can remember a friend saying this when she was about at this point and so I had hope that maybe it was just an adjustment phase. I'm sure there's more discomfort to come, but for now it's gotten a little better. My back doesn't hurt as bad. I'm watching my posture better, which I think is helping, and I'm not doing things that I know will tweak my back (vacuuming, lifting heavy things, carrying too many things on one side of my body etc). Hopefully Blake will pick up with the vacuuming!

What I Feel
I still feel our little sweet P being a wiggle worm. She tends to lay sideways and face inward so her little nudges and kicks aren't as visible but kind of tickle more. She does still squirm and move around, so sometimes she's facing outward and she gives us a show. Last weekend she was really active and Blake leaned down to listen to her and talk to her and she kicked him right in the ear! The next day we were sitting on the couch and she was kicking away when suddenly you could see her little foot coming out of my belly. You could feel the bones of her heel and practically count her toes! It was crazy! She did it several times in a row too, so both of us got to see and feel it. I also still feel Braxton Hicks pretty consistently, especially in the evening. I assume those aren't going away any time soon.

What I Am Doing
Complaining. Oh, did I admit that publicly? For shame.Unfortunately, it's true and Blake hears the most of it. I do try to keep the perspective that in general I've had a very easy pregnancy, and really I don't have much to complain about (except, man I'm telling you... that sciatica pain is killer). I do think that the more positive I keep my attitude the better I feel, so I try not to get caught up in the complaining too much.. but I'll admit that last week it got the better of me! I'm also seriously craving sweets - which I satisfy by eating tons and tons of fruit (maybe this is part of the extra weight gain?). I also gave into a craving for carrot cake that's been hanging around for weeks... it was delicious! I read something about cravings that, sweet or not, your body might just be saying, "I'm hungry!" and you should eat more protein in your snacks to keep your body feeling full longer. I've been trying that and I think maybe there's some truth to it, but I think I also just really love any excuse to eat fruit.

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Previous baby post: Pumpkin: Weeks 24 & 25

Next baby post: Pumpkin: Weeks 28 & 29

When the Evening Comes

Lately I've been waking up with a song in my head. You might have heard the popular Christian/worship song by Matt Redman, 10,000 Reasons (Bless the Lord). It's one of those songs that instantly realigns my heart, even if it's been overplayed on the radio and sung at church for months. I love it. I have loved it since I first heard it awhile ago, but it's recently come back around and plays through my head when I wake up. Specifically this verse:

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning
It's time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes

It's that last lyric that really sticks with me as I go about my morning routine. It's my prayer for the day as I close my Bible (app). I can have a wonderful time with the Lord in the morning, but by the time I find myself crawling back into bed at night I look back at the day and know that it didn't end how it started. Sometime between my shower and logging in on my computer at work I get distracted by the routine and to do list.

It's been my struggle lately. Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me, those things become the focus of my day and steer my attitude, instead of the focus of worship I started out with. How can I change this, how do I keep my focus on the Lord instead of being consumed by the task at hand? How do I change my habits and remember to make work about the Lord in an environment that prohibits any trace of Him?

I don't have answers, but I do have a Father who knows what I need and is helping me grow. So my prayer remains: Let me be singing when the evening comes.

Pumpkin: Weeks 24 & 25

February 23 - March 8

It seems like every week up to 20 weeks took forever, but now it seems like every week after 20 has gone by so quickly!

How I Look
Still growing but I do feel like I'm staving off the 'beached whale' look for now. Oddly enough, my perceptions have change. While I'm still surprised when strangers publicly acknowledge my pregnancy, others clearly think it safe to risk the comments. When I walk past a class lined up in the hall I hear them exclaim, "Did you see that lady!? She's going to have a baby!" "What, where?!" "I saw her!" "Ohh, that lady is going to have a baby! I bet it's a [insert gender]!"  Cracks me up. When I made a comment about being surprised that strangers boldly ask about my pregnancy, people generally respond with: "um ya, have you seen yourself in the mirror lately!?". I don't know why I still feel like there might be a question (e.g., maybe she's just fat).. but other people sure seem to all agree that there is no questioning what's going on in my abdomen. It's a baby.

I'm belaboring the 'how I look' section but this is something I always wondered before I was pregnant, so I'm making a note of it now in case I forget later or in case someone has the same question and happens to stumble upon this blog post. I always wondered what happens to your pre-pregnancy fat when you get pregnant. Does it disappear (I wish), does it get spread out, does it hang out at the bottom of the bump etc. In my experience, (although still within the normal BMI range prior to pregnancy) I had a good 10 lbs of fat I would have liked to lose before getting pregnant (I did lose some.. but not all of it). At first it stayed put and just got pushed out. This caused me to not take any pre-bump pictures because I kind of looked like I would in a few weeks, except at that point it was just fat... I regret not taking them anyway. As my pregnancy has progressed, I've found that the fat really has stayed evenly distributed across my bump, similar to its disbursement prior to getting pregnant (i.e., a little more toward my lower abs, less toward the top, a little on the sides). At any given point, regardless of how hard my belly gets (it varies) I can still pinch a little bit of fat. As my bump grows, it does seem to continue to spread out, again, with a similar disbursement. I'm guessing that once I'm full term, it will all be spread pretty thin (assuming I don't add too much to it) and it will be harder to get enough to pinch.

How I Feel
Great! These weeks I've truly felt great! On two occasions I overdid things (e.g., stood in the kitchen baking too long, tried to move heavy things, vacuuming etc.), which definitely brings on sciatica (shooting pain down my bottom and legs) and Braxton Hicks. I also notice an increase in Braxton Hicks contractions when I'm not drinking enough water. The contractions are still painless, just noticeable and kind of annoying. I also have more energy lately (most of the time) and have gotten some things crossed off the to do list. Additionally, I'm getting pretty excited as we get into more baby prep and talking about baby showers etc!

What I Feel
It's fun to start to figure out/guessing which parts of her are moving and what makes her move. I also realized that a certain movement is hiccups! Funny :). I say this every week but man she is getting so strong! That's about it really, just that Pumpkin girl getting her grove on!

What We're Doing
Shopping! We've done some practical shopping and some not-so-practical shopping :). We had SO much fun (and when I say we, I truly mean we. Blake is more of a sucker for cute baby girl clothes than I am!) going through Baby Gap with some friends last weekend. They are having a boy, and I'm sure they are saving a ton of money doing so! I know, I know.. don't buy yourself clothes, everyone will give you more clothes than you can handle but if you saw the adorable soft pinks and creams in the Peter Rabbit line for Baby Gap, you'd have taken advantage of the sale too. We also received our first major gift from Blake's dad. He bought us some major nursery furniture which includes a dresser/changing table, co-sleeper/portable crib and full-sized crib. We've had so much fun putting things together and rearranging our room (again, I say honestly, we are having fun doing it, even if Blake is doing all the heavy lifting) ;). I got our closet organized and it's ready for more baby clothes as is the dresser! We are just converting a corner of our master bedroom into a nursery, and she'll sleep next to our bed for quite a while, so we might not actually set up the crib until she needs it. But it's so fun to see things coming together and to have a little space that is dedicated 'baby'.

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