What Gives

I didn't intend to take a break from blogging. I miss it, really. It's just that I either find myself with many thoughts and no time to write, or only negative thoughts and nothing worthwhile to write or a small window of time and an empty mind.

I find that in this self inflicted busyness I am becoming a little hollow. Like my brain has been replaced with marshmallow fluff. Night after night I come home and have no desire to do... anything (so unlike me until lately).

It's no surprise though. I can easily explain it. It's kind of like what happens to every house plant I've tried to keep alive: if I don't give life sustaining water to its roots - it gets all wilty and near death.

It seems that the first thing that gives when life gets busy is my quiet times with God. I trade thirty minutes of mediocre sleep for thirty minutes of refueling with my life giving Savior. Over time, I lose focus. Instead of being challenged and growing and making something of my days, I turn inward and selfish and run in self-preservation mode. It doesn't make sense, but here I am nonetheless.

There are plenty of excuses and, sure, we knew there would be sacrifices with our plan for financial freedom. I ran with guiltless freedom from gave up my gym membership right away, knowing that there wouldn't be time for serious workouts. I knew I wouldn't be able to make elaborate dinners or extravagant desserts. I slowly saw my knitting gather dust (And why?  So we can serve the Lord in any direction he takes us, not shackled down to our jobs and bills. So my children can have a full time momma, when the time comes. That's why... just reminding myself).

To work is a blessing. These jobs are an answer to prayer and a way to pay off what we owe (and hopefully to avoid owing much again). So why then, when these blessings make us busy is it God that gets the short end, and ultimately I short change myself. Something's gotta give.. but it can't keep being my time in the Word.

I'm not a resolutioner, but I do like fresh starts and new beginnings. I love the clean slate that a new year provides. So this year, busyness and all, I'm not letting my daily time with God be what gives. And you can hold me to it!

I'm hoping that this blog doesn't continue to be neglected too!