It starts an hour before I have to actually get up. A half hour at a minimum. It takes several alarms and many repeats of snooze on each one. On most weekdays I wake up to the radio and
After that it's a battle.
I start weighing out my schedule and bargaining with myself about how early I really need to go into work. I pull my Bible off my night stand and tell myself that I'll be just fine reading in bed, really, I'm awake now (and sometimes that works). After I read, I always tell myself that I'll just lay here and talk to God until my last and final alarm (with snooze) goes off. The time frames vary, depending on the bargained work time.
Ultimately, there is a point where I can't lay there and hit snooze anymore and finally, I agree with myself that I need to get out of bed, I'm usually five to ten minutes late because of this extra coaxing time it takes to make me throw the covers back.
I pull my feet from the warm cozy covers and thrust them toward the hard, cold floor (okay, we have carpet.. but still, it's a bitter moment). And it begins.
The day has started. From that point on, most days, I feel like my single goal is just to make it back to that cozy bed and tuck my feet back in, preferably right next to my always warm husband.
The best reward for getting up, is that moment when you crawl back in bed at the end of the day. All of the day's struggle melts away and I am reminded of how blessed I am, how loved I am and how much I love the man laying next to me.
: :
I know there is more meaning in life than sleeping. And in truth there really is much more that goes on between dragging myself out of bed and crawling back in it. It just doesn't always seem that way.
It makes me feel horribly irresponsible and lazy, to acknowledge how much I impact my life because I don't get out of bed in the morning. I'm always late. Consistently five minutes late. To everything. Couldn't I just get up five minutes earlier, you ask. If only it were that easy.
This has been a life-long struggle (just ask my mom). I don't know why it's such a struggle, but I know that every attempt to be better about it has been in vain. I know how much better I'd feel and be if I gave myself extra time. Time to workout, time to read and have a cup of coffee, time to pray more in depth for the long list of people on my heart.... time to get ready and be on time for work (there's a thought).
This verse in Proverbs rings in my ears every morning: "As a door swings back and forth on its hinges, so the lazy person turns over in bed" (Proverbs 26:14).
I will say that it has gotten a little bit easier as I get older.. and I hope that the trend continues. But for now, it is my daily struggle and source of self loathing.
I also hate getting out of bed in the mornings and I love crawling under the covers at night. I enjoy sleeping!
ReplyDeleteHaving kids helps in some ways...most mornings mine sleep till 7:30-8 and that's way later than I would have to get up if I went into work. However, once they're up, they're up and there's no more staying in bed or I get crawled on and asked repeatedly for breakfast. And some mornings, like today, they get up much, much earlier.
But the thing that I like about waking up to my little human alarm clocks is how sweet they are...never had an alarm before that said, "Mom I love you so much!" or "Yay, Mama!".
But I still always want to sleep just a little bit longer...
Well, I can relate to this a lot. (It might not seem like it after you read my Day In The Life post, but I promise, I've been there).
ReplyDeleteSo here's the thing, I should really be up and moving by 5:30 which yes is early but I avoid that and never make it up on time. I am always coming into work at 7:58 (I see my first patient at 8:00am) and if there is even one more red light in my five minute drive than there is supposed to be, I am getting anxious, because of course I have left myself no wiggle room. :)
Before I had kids, and before I was married, my getting-up routine looked like yours in which the alarm went off to a radio station for quite some time before I was even really conscious and then I made all sorts of bargains about whether or not I really *needed* to eat or shower (hmmm).
It's just faded slowly over time. First, Dave was there too and he doesn't really like listening to the radio forever in the morning before getting up. Then I had a kid and I was up feeding him left and right. Now I have the schedule I have only because I literally have no choice in the matter but I still find ways to be lazy.
So I don't think you should beat yourself up too much. I think you will be able to do just fine when you need to!
-Lisa