Little Choices

"Every time you make a choice you are turning the central part of you, the part of you that chooses, into something a little different from what it was before. And taking your life as a whole, with all your innumerable choices, all your life long you are slowly turning this central thing either into a heavenly creature or into a hellish creature; either into a creature that is in harmony with God, and with other creatures, and with itself, or else into one that is in a state of war and hatred with God, and with its fellow-creatures, and with itself." — C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Recently, I learned a lesson about making daily, little choices. I often overwhelm myself by trying to tackle a problem or situation by looking at the big picture and the long term desired outcome. Specifically, I can easily get overwhelmed and defeated when I think about the kind of person that I want to be (and who God wants me to be) and the kind of person that I truly am day-to-day. I think about how we are all sinners and about the lessons I've learned (and re-learned) that are shaping me to look less like a sinner and more like Christ. Yet, I am still a sinner that... sins.

I read verses like this:
"And we can be sure that we know him if we obey his commandments. If someone claims, “I know God,” but doesn’t obey God’s commandments, that person is a liar and is not living in the truth. But those who obey God’s word truly show how completely they love him. That is how we know we are living in him. Those who say they live in God should live their lives as Jesus did."
(1 John 2:3-6)

And this: 

"Everyone who sins is breaking God’s law, for all sin is contrary to the law of God. And you know that Jesus came to take away our sins, and there is no sin in Him. Anyone who continues to live in him will not sin. But anyone who keeps on sinning does not know him or understand who he is.
Dear children, don’t let anyone deceive you about this: When people do what is right, it shows that they are righteous, even as Christ is righteous. But when people keep on sinning, it shows that they belong to the devil, who has been sinning since the beginning. But the Son of God came to destroy the works of the devil. Those who have been born into God’s family do not make a practice of sinning, because God’s life is in them. So they can’t keep on sinning, because they are children of God. So now we can tell who are children of God and who are children of the devil. Anyone who does not live righteously and does not love other believers does not belong to God.
(1 John 3:4-10)

And I think... but I sin! It says whoever abides in Him does not sin... but I still sin! I still miss the mark and my heart isn't righteous!

-NOW, I know that there is more going on here. John's message is largely about forgiveness of sin and Christ as our Advocate. Please read these verses in context if you haven't recently (hover over: 1 John 2 and 1 John 3).-

My point though, is that I get caught up in those out-of-context words. I see the end goal of being without sin as Christ is without sin and I see how far I am from there. I see the black and white without the blood red of Christ bridging the gap. I see the standard: Jesus did not sin; and I see my status: failing on a daily basis. 

Now believe it or not, I'm not being too hard on myself (this time). I know that I'll never be able to meet the standard alone, no matter how good I am, how much growth I make or how little I sin. I need Christ's payment for my sins, large or small, but thanks to Him — someday in heaven I will meet the standard.

So in order to feel hope in my daily struggle with my sinful nature I had to change how I looked at progress. I can't look at the big picture and see that, yep I'm still a sinner. I realized that I need to look at the little things. If I take life one choice at a time, it's more manageable.

For example, instead of this goal:
Jillian will act and think in a way that glorifies God in 100% of opportunities by [tomorrow's date].


I'd work on this goal:
When presented with a choice to think/act in a way that glorifies God or to think/act in a way that gratifies sinful nature, Jillian will choose to glorify God in 1/1 opportunities across ∞ (infinity) consecutive trials with 100% dependence on cues/prompts from the Holy Spirit by [end of life].

or this goal:

Jillian will increase dependence on the Holy Spirit during activities of daily living as evidenced by an overall increase in the presence of spiritual characteristics (e.g., love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness, self-control) in order to increase enjoyment of, obedience to, and glorification of God by [end of life].

(Okay, Medicare and IDEA would prefer the first or none of these goals, but you get the idea... and I'm just being silly because I spent the day reading/writing goals.)

I came to this realization one night when I stumbled across these verses, so familiar but so new and alive at that moment: 

These two forces are constantly fighting each other, and your choices are never free from this conflict. But when you are directed by the Holy Spirit, you are no longer subject to the law (of Moses). When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, your lives will produce these evil results: sexual immorality, impure thoughts, eagerness for lustful pleasure, idolatry, participation in demonic activities, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, divisions the feeling that everyone is wrong except those in your own little group, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other kinds of sin. let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.

But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. Here there is no conflict with the law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to His cross and crucified them there. If we are living now by the Holy Spirit, let us follow the Holy Spirit's leading in every part of our lives." (Galatians 5:16-26)