Filler

My mind is mostly consumed with some inner turmoil about work... which I'm not sure if I will or should post about, at least until I finalize my thoughts. So I'll leave it in my brain for now and post something much less thoughtful or introspective.

Here is a little about me. It’s funny to read my responses to these types of questions a few years later.

1. What was your pet name when you were a kid?
   Jilly and my grandpa called me Jillsy-Pillsy (not a favorite).
   
   
2. If we say, we are here to help others, what are the others here for?
   To be helped and to help me ;)
   
   
3. Relate the funniest incident in your life. Or what was the funniest thing you did as a kid?
   Well, my family would all say that the funniest thing I did as a kid was the "waterfall incident."
   We had a tree house that was about 20' up in a tree with a rope ladder as the only way up and down. There was a missing rung right at the top, so it was tricky to get down. My cousin Tommy was a really funny kid, but apparently afraid of heights and for some reason decided to try to cure it by going up to the tree house. Well, long story short. I had to pee like crazy, I mean like crazy. I'm trying to get down the rope ladder, right at the tricky spot and Tommy decides to start freaking out in the funniest way possible. You see where this is going right. I'm laughing like crazy, barely holding onto the rope and barely holding onto my bladder. Guess which I let go of first... yes, my bladder. My family says that the streams of yellow you-know-what was pouring out of both sides of my shorts and went on FOREVER. There it is. They still laugh about it today.
4. Which was the naughtiest prank you played in school?
   I am so not a prankster. However, my friend Brie is and when we lived in the dorms at WWU we were pranked pretty badly by some guys in our dorm and she talked me into retribution. It wasn't my idea, I promise.
   We got into the guys' room, pushed their beds together, put pin-up pictures of teen male pop stars, wrote love notes to and from the roommates, and blared the B-52's "Love Shack" with their windows open. The best part was that when they walked onto their hall, they said, "Who are the tools blaring the B-52's". Imagine the looks on their faces when they realized it was them.
   
   
5. Who was your first crush?
   Troy J. in Kindergarten.
   
   
6. Which was the most embarrassing moment of your life?
   See number three. Also some serious foot-in-mouth scenarios.
    
7. List five things you would need to survive, if left alone on a deserted island.
   A water filter with desalination capabilities, a fishing pole, matches, my Bible with a picture of Blake for a bookmark (counts as one thing) and loads of sunscreen (seriously, I’m so fair skinned, a bad sunburn could kill me).
   
   
8. If it is illegal to drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
   For the taxis and DDs... No, seriously, because it's a fallen world full of us fallen people.
   
   
9. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, how do monkeys and apes exist?
   According to those silly evolutionists "from amino acids that came from another planet".
   Obviously, this is ridiculous. Read Genesis.
   
   
10. What treatment would you seek if you were addicted to therapy?
    Jesus therapy.
    
    
11. Why are boxing rings square-shaped?
    So that there are corners to be backed into.
    
    
12. Don’t you think, the term, ‘free gift’ consists of a redundant usage of words?
    Not really. I think of a gift as something that was given with the intent to bless someone or make them happy. Something that’s just free, means that someone wants you to have it with an ulterior motive or it’s literally worthless. ‘Free gift’ then means someone has mixed intentions when they’re giving it away. Okay fine, 'free gift' isn't the best use of words.
         
         
13. If you could have anything you wanted, what would it be?
    World-wide revival and belief in Jesus.

14. If you won the lottery, what would you buy?
    My college degrees (i.e., get out of debt).
    I'd also save some money to buy a moderate-sized house and land when we decide where that should be, save some money for my parent's elderly years (what they don't use, maybe I will), and start donating large monthly sums to my favorite Christian organizations. I might also make one large donation to a worthy cause… but I guess that’s not what the question asked.
    
    
15. Who is the most important person in your life and why?
    I'll define person as human and thus my most important person is my husband, Blake. He amazes me and makes me feel more loved than any other person has before and I love him more than I thought was possible (wait till I have kids, I’m sure).
    
    
16. Who was the most influential person in your life?
    Hmm. Again, person = human, so probably my youth pastor's wife/my mentor and now friend, Mary Beasley.
    
    
17. What is your earliest memory?
    This is hard because I think that some early memories are tainted/influenced by looking at pictures. It's kind of scary how many things I've forgotten. I really couldn't tell you what my 'earliest' memory is.
    I do remember standing by the window looking out at something outside and instead of resting my chin on the windowsill; I'd rest my top teeth on it because I liked how it felt for my teeth to sink into the wood. I can even remember the sound it made. My mom says I did this when I was pretty young, like the height of the windowsill, so two-ish, but I might have also done this when I was older and kneeling down.. kind of gross I know.
    
    
18. Who was your first kiss and how old were you?
    My first boyfriend, Cameron, when I was 20.
    
    
19. If you could go back to any age, which would it be?
    Either 4 or 5. Before any real responsibilities and when I still had childhood innocence.
    
    
20. Where do you see yourself in ten years?
    Oof. I'd be *gasp* 37. I hope to be loving Jesus more every day and following Him into motherhood, be it my own children, adoption, foster parenting or some combination of the three. I'd love to be living closer to our parents, but truly, I just want to follow the Lord and be content wherever He takes us.
    
    
21. Would you rather have hundreds of acquaintances or a couple good friends?
    Easy. A couple of good friends.
    
    
22. Where did you go on your last vacation and what did you do?
    Italy and Greece. Specifically: Venice, Italy; Bari, Italy; Katakolon, Greece; Santorini, Greece; Mykonos, Greece; Rhodes, Greece; and Dubrovnik, Croatia. You can read about it here. We went for our first anniversary. It was wonderful!
    
    
23. What article of clothing do you put on first in the morning?
    My underpants.
    
    
24. What is the first thing you do as part of your morning routine?
    Drag myself out of bed and go pee.
    
    
25. What is the first thing you think about in the morning?
    Probably the first thing I think about is if I really need to wake up at just that second. Then I start talking to my Savior.
    
    
26. What is the last thing you think about before you go to bed?
    I usually curl up next to my husband, who is usually already sound asleep, and fall asleep praying and thanking my Father for such a wonderful husband and the blessings He provides us with.
    
    
27. Where do you sleep on the bed (left side, right side, or the middle)?
    If you are standing at the foot looking toward the pillows, I sleep on the right. I swear my husband sleeps in the middle ;). I used to sleep on the left, but Blake is a left side sleeper and I am adaptable ;)
    
    
28. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
    45 minutes, but easily an hour if I can't decide what to wear.
    
    
29. Do you ever screen your phone calls?
    Almost always.
    
    
30. Why might you screen a phone call?
    I really prefer to focus on the people in the room, rather than the phone. So if I'm around people I'll only answer if necessary, and only if I actually hear my phone ring/vibrate. Also because if you aren't in my phonebook, I don't know your number and there's a high likely hood that you're a recruiter trying to get me to listen to their spiel about their therapy company. Also, I don't love talking on the phone, particularly in front of people. So if it can be accomplished in a text message or voicemail, I love it.
     
31. What is your biggest pet peeve about people?
    I heard an interview about a book called Annoying: The Science of What Bugs Us. Their hypothesis is that we are annoyed by things that we can't control or predict. They use the cell phone conversation in public as an example, it's annoying because you can't control it, but also can't tune it out, and can't predict what will be said next because you only hear one side.
    I'm sorry to say that I couldn't pick just one pet peeve about people, and I'm embarrassed by the things that do annoy me. I feel that this theory is probably right about why those things annoy me. Either way, every day is a chance to die to my sinful nature and practice patience and joy.
    
    
32. What type of driver are you?
    Confident, nearing careless. Not over cautious. I’m not even slightly hindered by bad weather, driving at night etc. However, I take liberties that I probably shouldn’t, like I always drive (long-ish distances) with my shoes off and one foot tucked up. Every day that I drive to work Sometimes I even sit crisscross when I have the cruise on. By most standards, I’m a bad driver. I do things while I drive, which I’ve stopped admitting to people because they are appalled.
    
    
33. Have you ever been stopped by the police? What happened?
    Funny they put these questions back to back. Given my admittedly poor driving habits, the answer is unsurprisingly, yes. I have had several speeding tickets, a ticket for failure to stay right, a ticket for talking on my cell phone and one ticket for failure to stop at a stop sign, which I got dropped in traffic court because I really did stop. The funny thing is that I don’t really speed anymore. I certainly used to, and that is when I got half of my speeding tickets. Now I’m thoroughly addicted to my cruise control and make a point to never speed, no matter what. However, there are still times when I can’t use cruise (traffic, 25 mph speed limits etc.) and it never fails, when I’m just not paying attention.. they are!
    
    
34. What is one of your biggest regrets? I hate it when people say, ‘I live a life with no regrets’.. Usually I hate this because their attitude implies that they can fix their own problems in their own strength. Also because these people tend to say that when they should regret the choices they’ve made. I feel like they say it because they feel convicted for their choices and this is a way to assert power over the feeling of conviction instead of just submitting and repenting.
    
    That said, I do firmly believe that there is ‘no condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus’ (Romans 8:1). In that context, I have no regrets.
    Yet, I do wonder what my life would have been like if I’d really and truly always put God’s perfect will before my own. I regret some choices that I’ve made, knowing fully that I wasn’t serving God with them. I don’t condemn myself for those choices, but I’d certainly rather live without the consequences of those sins than with them.
    I'm starting to regret this survey..
    
         
         
35. What's your favorite TV show?
    I really like Bones on Fox.
    
    
36. What’s your favorite movie?
    I recently committed to this. Previously in my life, I could never choose. I’ve decided that Pride and Prejudice is my favorite. The new one, and I feel a little guilty about not loving the old one.
    
    
37. What type of music do you most like to listen to and why?
    Christian. I like that when I’m sending subliminal messages to my brain, they’re always positive. They point me to Christ if they do anything and I’d prefer that than pointing me to a lifestyle or thought process that is of the world. I used to love country too, but I feel like so much of it isn’t positive that it outweighs the few good Christian-ish songs on the station. I’ll still listen to some country, like on my iPod.
    
    
38. Do you have an easy time forgiving and forgetting?
    Not until recently. Last summer I read a book with my small group called The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace. I’ve thought about doing a book review on it. It is ridiculously excellent (no pun intended). In that book I really took to heart the meaning of the oh, so popular (we had it in our wedding) verse: 1 Cor. 13:4-7. I think we hear this so much get kind of immune to the depth of these words. Anyway. I used to really keep track of the wrongs against me, I think something from my childhood caused this, a way to keep from being hurt again. I realized through this book study that we are commanded by Jesus to love God with all our heart, soul and mind and to love our neighbors. If Jesus told me to do this, it’s important. My closest neighbor is my husband. If I say that I love my husband, and I do, then I should be patient, kind… and keep no record of wrong. If forgiving and forgetting is how I’m supposed to love people, specifically my husband, then I’d better get on it. Since then, it’s been easier to do so.
    

    ⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

    
    
          
39. Do you enjoy surprise parties?
    I’ve never had one thrown for me, but I don’t think I would enjoy it. I don’t like being the center of attention and when I do have to be, I need to know as many of the variables ahead of time as I can.
    
    
40. Do you have any hidden talents? What are they?
    I can wiggle my ears.
    
    
41. Do you sing in the shower?
    Most morning. I always have the radio on in the bathroom, so I probably sing along more that I think about it.
    
    
42. What is the one thing you can cook the best?
    I am a foodie. I love cooking. I particularly love a food challenge. I think the one thing I can cook the best would be cheesecake. I’ve found the perfect recipe and can generally turn one out that looks like it might have come from the you-know-what Factory.
    
    
43. What is your biggest fear?
    I fear economic collapse. I fear the possibility that our country will go under and food will be too expensive. I mostly fear this because my mom would then be right (she thinks this is likely).
    
    
44. What do you worry about?
    Oh, I guess this is answered in #43. I consciously try not to worry. I trust Jesus so much that I know He will get us through anything as long as we are following Him with all our hearts. That said, when worry does cross my mind, it’s about this economy failure thing. Also I worry about lost opportunities to lead people to Christ because of my selfishness. That I just have to surrender to Him though.
    
    
45. What do you hope for in the future?
    I hope that the people I love will love Jesus (if they don’t already) and know the peace and blessing that comes from knowing Him. I hope to be able to be a mom and do look back on my life knowing that I’ve served my King well.

Tidbits

Tidbits are a fun 'blog' thing to do ;). No where else do you get to purge random thoughts that don't apply to a real conversation... except maybe to your husband.

1.) I have no idea what I'm making for dinner. This doesn't mean that I'm not sure what I should make.. it means I literally just put something in the oven and I have no idea what it is. My father in law gives us an abundance of meat. It's great because our freezer is well stocked and as long as we have a steady supply of electricity we're set on meat for a long time. That said.. they aren't always labeled.. and generally look very similar. Tonight's roast is either: elk, buffalo, venison, beef or possibly pork.. but it's a little more 'red meat' looking than that. We'll see when it comes out (maybe)!

2.) I have a love/hate relationship with the following things:

• Spray 'N Wash - love what it does to stains, hate how it smells and feels.
• My bangs - love how they look, hate how they are always laying wrong or in my eyes.
• Shoes - love shoes for the fashion statement, hate actually having them on my feet and hate having to wear closed to shoes because of work.
• My iPhone - love the convenience and instant knowledge, hate how dependant on it I am.
• Making baby items - love how stinkin cute they are, hate how fast they grow out of it.
• Growing lettuce - I love having fresh lettuce right in my kitchen (we have an Aerogarden), I hate that I end up wasting it because I don't use it fast enough!

Okay, I could probably go on, but those were the ones bugging me at present.

3.) I got a haircut today. It was so very super hard to find a new hair stylist. I loved the guy that did my hair in Seattle. I walked in, he had a cup of tea ready for me and we just talked while he did whatever he thought best with my hair.. which was always fantastic. So instead of trying new places, I just went without a haircut for 20 months! Yikes! I finally tried a new place in April, which turned out fine and I went back today for the second time. It's scary how wacky the hair stylist's hair is, well all of them that work there actually, yet they manage to cut my fairly plain-Jane layered hair style just fine.

4.) I'm okay with silence. Especially if I know you. My hair stylist today would. not. talk. It was really weird. A little too much silence, especially for a hair stylists. They usually talk your ear off (kind of like us SLPs)!

5.) I love British period piece movies/miniseries. Lately I've watched: Daniel Deronda, Anne of 1000 Days, Sense and Sensibility, Pride and Prejudice (my #1), The Young Victoria, Downton Abbey, Ladies in Lavender and Lady Jane. Currently, I'm watching Bleak House.

6.) I hate that I overuse certain punctuation marks, such as: the ellipse..., the exclamation mark!, the semi-colon parenthesis smile ;), and the 'half quote'. I hate this, but still do it because I feel like otherwise I can't get my intent out in text and people might take my sarcasm for seriousness and that might be offensive! (maybe this belongs in the love/hate section because I do also love punctuation).

Well, I'd better check on the mystery meat!

Spring!

I know I'm a little late, spring is nearly over. Only 20 days till summer. I'm not counting down to summer for summer's sake, but my birthday is the first day of summer so it's ingrained in me.

I have such a new appreciation for spring. When you grow up in western Washington seasons aren't distinct. Winter blends into spring, spring into summer and summer into fall and so on. The beauty of this is that there are so few extremes. It doesn't get extremely hot or extremely cold. Okay, maybe there are days of extreme rain and clouds... but even then we're not talking hurricanes, monsoons or torrential downpours. So you really learn to just take the weather one day at a time and you don't think about what season it should be.

I digress. So I currently live in Kennewick, (southern) Washington. Thirty minutes north of the Oregon border. Here we have more distinct seasons but still skewed toward really-stinkin-hot-all-the-time or pretty-darn-cold-with-little-to-no-snow. It is also always WINDY!

This year, however, has been most enjoyable. I hear others complain that it has been a very rainy spring, and that it should be nicer by now. It has been perfect, in my opinion. I love rainy days, so the more the better. Also, I have a new appreciation for this time of year. It's the only time there is any natural greenery around here and when it is sunny it is enjoyable because it stays around 70 degrees outside!

Another reason I am loving this spring is because this is my first spring working in Pendleton.

Pendleton is a small town in Oregon, south of Walla Walla and nestled right next to the Blue Mountains. It is mostly known for the yearly rodeo held there, the Pendleton Round-Up but also known for the Pendleton Woollen Mills, and Pendleton Grain Growers.

Pendleton is about 70 miles from Tri-Cities and about an hour and fifteen minute drive. I have worked in Pendleton since last August. I really enjoy the people, the small town and the unconventional rural SNF I work in.

More to the point, I also love my long rural commute. Most days it's me, 2-3 other cars and some semis. On the occasional Friday there's some real traffic and that means maybe 10 cars and several semis.

The thing about this little Pendleton story, and why it's part of my Spring post, is that Pendleton is GORGEOUS in the spring. There are green fields, farms with baby animals running around and usually nice patchy cloud cover that keeps it cooler but still sunny. It is wide open but with the backdrop of the Blues. Driving down into the valley that holds Pendleton can be breathtaking. Particularly in the spring. I wish I could capture it and share the beauty but I'm not sure that's safe to do while driving. Maybe one of these days I'll pull over and take some pictures. Here is one I found on this website though.

(Un)Employment

So as you may know, I am a speech-language pathologist. I used to work in schools and nursing homes (SNFs) and always had entirely too many places of employment at one time. I was always busy and working. Mostly I couldn't say no when there was money to be had. Also, I love what I do. I couldn't imagine not doing it. I figured I'd be one of those moms that worked a couple days a week just to keep my sanity and skills up. I thought, 'what would I ever do if I didn't work... I'd go crazy!'

Once I was finished with the 2008-2009 school year in June, 2009, I quit all my jobs and moved home with my parents for the month of July. We got married August 1st and then I moved to Tri-Cities with Blake after our wonderful honeymoon. I didn't work for the months of July and August, but they were very busy months so it didn't seem strange.

I was forever done working in the schools (if I could help it) and decided to work for a contracting agency doing local contracts. I also said I'd try to have only one job at a time, in order to focus on being a wife. Ha! Little did I know, that wouldn't be a problem.

My first contract was awesome. I worked in outpatient pediatrics, with the occasional adult patient here and there, at a great hospital in Richland. It was definitely my favorite setting to work in so far (I still haven't done home health though). I loved working with kids and loved the no IEP, no report card, no meetings aspect of it. I love that the kids come to me, no tracking them down and no making up minutes when they don't come.
I got the contract at the hospital because they had hired several people that couldn't start until later in the Fall. So when my 13 weeks was up, there was no chance they'd extend me and my staffing manager couldn't find  anything else in the area. I considered taking a travel assignment in Moses Lake or Colfax but just couldn't bring myself to live apart from Blake four months after finally getting to live with him, in the same town and house.

So it was unemployment for me.

A week off was nice, two weeks okay, three was boring and by the fourth week I was sleeping till three pm and staying up until all hours of the morning. I was so sick of TV. About a month of wasted days and barely waking up in time to make dinner when Blake got home from work. It was pretty sad.

I was still going to Women's Bible study Tuesday nights. Sometimes I would barely get up and shower in time to make it to study at 6:30 pm. That was rock bottom. It's so fortunate that I did have Women's study, or I'd have had no direction and not much for support. Blake wasn't happy that I slept all day and really, neither was I.

Come January, I had to do something. I stopped feeling sorry for myself, first off. I also made myself get up and out of bed when Blake did and used that time to read my Bible and do my Bible study homework. This was the beginning of my heart transformation.

I started to realize how selfish and faithless I had been. My attitude had been horrible. I was so proud and so blind... Still!

It was through those morning hours in my Bible, through emails with godly women and through conversations during our small group time at Bible study that I saw how far from my walk with God I had wandered. More on that later maybe.

It was during this time of unemployment that I learned to have faith and lean on God again. This was the second ring of my wake-up call.

Unemployment taught me that I am not what I do. Although I do believe that God had a purpose in me being an SLP, I certainly fit the description, and love it... This did not define me. My success, income and knowledge did not make me who I was, it was not my worth. I was not lost without it. HE defined me.

Unemployment taught me to surrender to God, to trust Him to provide for our family, to have faith in HIS greater purpose and to praise Him in that situation.

Most importantly, unemployment taught me to share these things with my husband. We had to have faith together. We had to pray about this together. We needed to learn how to deal with issues together and with God's will and plan in mind... not our own!

Eventually I did find work. At the end of February I had a new contract at a SNF in Hermiston, OR. It opened suddenly and I filled it just as quickly. This was the Lord's provision and I rejoiced in it!

I began a new chapter of work with a renewed heart and renewed faith. Unemployment was a weird thing, and certainly not something I ever thought I'd experience as an SLP! This was clearly another way that God was working in our hearts and marriage to help us get started off on the right foot. I think that if it had not been for that period of time with a tight budget and a stark reality of just how much debt we had.. We wouldn't be on the path we're on now. We would have easily been pulled back into our pride and materialism and selfishness. God knew, as He always does, that we needed some more time in the desert to make good habits and for Pete's sake to trust HIM!

God's Country Revisited

It's an inside joke now between my brother, Jared, and I about Tri-Cities being "God's country." It only took him one week of staying here to realize that it's just a windy desert. You can read the whole story here.

After living here for a while now, I thought I should revisit the issue. Now that my heart has softened and my attitude improved. The irony of this joke is that in the end, this is God's country; it's the land He chose for us during this time of our lives. God not only met us here, He purposed to bring us here. Kicking and screaming on my part, but still He had a bigger plan for our lives and marriage and He knew this was where we needed to be. Despite my fight, He didn't give up on me.

I moved in with Blake when we got back from our honeymoon in August. We had already found a church but hadn't really 'plugged' in yet. I knew I needed to, and wanted to, get involved in a small group of some sort but wasn't sure how. Also I desperately wanted to make some friends that were also believers. Women's Bible study was starting in September and I debated about going. I sat there the night it was starting and went back and forth about if it would be the right fit for me (I know, I hadn't even been yet). It just sounded like an old lady's study. Something about the title 'Women's Bible study' made me think of old ladies sitting around talking about these young kids and their crazy music (or whatever). Now I realize how silly that mental image was. Our church is pretty modern and the older ladies that do attend are nothing like that!

Anyway, so finally Blake said, "Just go! You know you should at least check it out and it'll be good for you." So I went. Of course it was awesome and totally what I needed (and totally age appropriate). The book they were using for the study was called Live Fearlessly: A Study in the Book of Joshua. It was about Joshua's leadership of the Israelites out of the desert and into the promise land. This Bible study was the start of my journey back towards Christ. Previously, my journey had been slowly, slowly, slowly away from Christ and toward the world. This study made me first realize that I had not been open to God's will for my location. It was the first ring in my wake-up call.

At the time I laughed about how here I was in the 'desert', just like the Israelites were in the desert. I liked to think of my time wandering in this desert as a punishment for my lack of faith and trust in God for my future. I also liked to think of a 'promise land' that I could enter through faithfully following God's leading... surely that couldn't be here!

Now I realize that anywhere God brings you and anything He brings you through is the promise land*. The desert may be a desert but that doesn't mean it's a punishment.. and even if it is discipline, it's meant to lead you closer to Him. I am both in the desert and in my promise land. He daily fulfills the promise that if I seek Him, He will be found by me. He fulfills the promise to show me which path to take if I don't lean on my own understanding. He has promised to forgive my repentant heart and to fill me with His joy. Better is one day in His courts, than a thousand elsewhere!

It's sad for me to look back on my attitude and to see how I had slowly changed to be more like the world instead of clinging to Jesus and His love. I think about how hard I fought with my pride and selfish plans. But. I’m glad to have learned the lesson, because I can also look back and see God’s hand in my life when I have surrendered to Him. It’s amazing to look back and see how He protected me and replanted me, when I didn’t deserve it.

This truly is, God’s country!

*Promise Land: I use this metaphorically only. I realize that God's promise to the Israelites is a literal promise, and a literal land described in detail in the Old Testament.

Retroposting

I finally have a personal computer again!! My early birthday gift is a cute little netbook. My old laptop has been out of commission for a long time now. It took all day just to turn on, sync my iPhone, and turn back off. Each time I turned it on, I worried that it would be the last. I did almost all of my computing on my iPhone, which was pretty limiting when it came to typing long things... like say a blog entry.

I've been reading a few new blogs lately. Blogs of some really inspiring, godly women. It has inspired me to pay some attention to mine now and get caught up on journaling. I loved to journal all through high school and college. I still do some, but I struggled with blogging because.. who are you writing to, who is reading this, who really cares!?

I've decided that I care ;) and I'd like to have better organization to my thoughts. I like the idea of being able to look back on my blog and see where I've been. I like having things easily searchable and all in one place. If no one but me reads it... oh well!

So in addition to attempting to blog with some regularity. I've decided that I'd also like to try to compile some of the important events in life from my written journals and have them all in one place. I'm calling this "Retroposting." It feels dishonest (yes, to myself.. the likely sole reader) to just backdate posts without marking them as such, so I'll tag them as 'retropost'. However, I'll try to keep it accurate with the time period. There are some attitudes in my past that I'm not proud of.. but that was where I was at the time and look where I've come!

I'd like to have it all together, the good, the bad and the ugly.... within reason.

Here's to some pointless but life capturing blogs ;)

Long Beach in May

We wanted to go to Long Beach again with our friends, Whitney and Jason. Whitney is a teacher and needed a weekend getaway to break up the time between spring break and summer, so we arranged a May visit to the beach. It was pretty nice weather and happended to be the last weekend of spring clam season. It was the first time any of us had been clamming, at least as adults anyway. We had a good time, as long as we were finding clams and when it wasn't raining.

Blake was loving it! Giddy as a school kid!

Driving on the State Hwy, aka the beach.

They may not look intimidating, but
there are some intense clam diggers here.

We were pretty intense clam diggers too.
If by intense you mean fair weather diggers, letting our
husbands find most of our clams kind of intense.  :)

Blake's grampa is known for his notes, always with a fine tip
Sharpie, and usually very specific or precise. It's so cute!
This was what we found when we got to the cabin.
(If you're wondering, the one on right was better)

The clam cleaning begins! It's a lot of work to clean
88 clams! I helped for about as long as it took to take
this picture, because I have no stomach for the wretched
smell of clam guts and the sliminess of their insides.
Thankful for men with strong stomachs!

Men cleaning clams in the kitchen means I'm cooking
in the living room! Prep work anyway ;)

Before we left.

The cookbook we bought this time is Kathy Casey's Northwest Harvest. We used her recipe to cook the razor clams. Blake has done a lot of fishing lately and our freezer is full of cod, halibut and sea bass. I'll be needing the recipes to bring some variety to all that delicious white fish.

It's always a good time at the beach. We had wonderful food and good company!

Our Apartment

I finally tidied up our place enough to take some updated pictures. Last time they were around Christmas time. We just had people over for dinner and thus the fresh flowers :)

Long Beach Halloween

I really dislike Halloween. Have I said that before? Last year I managed to make plans and Blake went hunting. This year, in order to have a good reason to avoid Halloween parties, we are going to the beach!

It's always a good time at the beach. It might rain (it did) it might shine (only the morning that we were leaving) and it might be dark and gray, but there are few expectations and even fewer electronics to distract us. This weekend was great. We cooked in, did our usual meandering through shops and as always, had a latte and perused books at Adelaide's. I didn't buy one this time, because it's too close to Christmas. I did pick one out though, and added it to my Christmas list! Alton Brown's I'm Just Here For the Food v. 2.0. It's like a science textbook for cooking. This book answers questions like, why do we brown meat? The common reason is to 'seal in the juices' but his research will show you that you aren't actually keeping in any more juice. You are, however, searing in tons of flavor - and that's what makes the difference. Anyway, it's super interesting and has some great recipes. I hope Santa brings it this year ;)

Baklava

I have loved Baklava ever since I was an undergraduate at Western and a professor, Dr. Zeine, made it for a NSSLHA bake sale.

When we went to Greece for our first anniversary, I had to try it in it's country of origin (according to the Greeks, if you're Turkish, then you might disagree).

Anyway, it's delicious and so easy to make.

Here is the recipe that I use and my tweaks to it:

Gretchen's Baklava Recipe
Make 12-24 hours ahead of time.
Can be made up to a week ahead, but the earliest I've made it is three days.

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Ingredients

For the filling:

1 lb Walnuts - Finely Chopped (I buy pre-chopped) 1/2 C. Sugar 2 tsp Cinnamon 1/2 tsp ground Cardamom 1/4 tsp ground Cloves (optional) For the Layers: 1.5 C. Butter (3 sticks), Melted 1 Package Frozen Phyllo Dough (16 oz) Thawed in refrigerator. For the Syrup: 1 C. Sugar 1 C. Water 1 Tbsp Lemon Juice (optional) 1 C. Honey (Net weight 12 oz.) 1/2 tsp Vanilla

The steps:

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1. Preheat the oven to 300 degrees.
2. Combine and set aside walnuts, 1/2 cup sugar, cinnamon and cardamom
3. Using a pastry brush, lightly brush the bottom and sides of a 10x14" (about 1-2" deep) pan with melted butter.**I use a kitchen-use-only spray bottle for the butter and it is so much faster**
4. Open the phyllo dough and layer 6 whole leafs (or 12 half leafs) in the pan, buttering each layer as you go. (The edges will extend over the side.)
5. Spread 1 cup of the walnut mixture.
6. If your phyllo dough comes in full sheets, cut the remaining phyllo dough in half.
7. Layer 8 half sheets -- butter each layer. Each sheet will be an inch or so short, so stagger the sheets from corner to corner to cover the whole pan. 
8. Spread 1 cup of the walnut mixture.
9. Repeat 8 sheets and walnut mixture twice. You will end up with 4 layers of nuts.
10. Layer the remaining half sheets on top -- butter each layer.
11. Brush/spray the top with the remaining butter.
12. Trim the edges off.
13. Cut halfway through the layers using the diagram to the right. This is done now since it will be very fragile after it's been baked.
14. Bake 1 hour or until golden brown.
15. 15 minutes before the baklava should be done, mix 1 cup sugar, water, and lemon juice in a sauce pan.
16. Cook sauce over a medium heat, stirring occasionally for 15 minutes.
17. Remove from heat, add the honey and vanilla, and stir until well blended.
18. Remove the baklava from the oven and finish cutting through the layers.
19. Pour the sauce over the hot baklava.
20. Cool. Let it sit for close to 24 hours (lightly covered -- but not in the refrigerator) -- longer if you can stand it!

A nice way to serve individual pieces is to put each one into a muffin cup that has been partially flattened.
See Gretchen's baklava FAQ page for more tips on cutting. Truly, this is her recipe, I just added a few ingredients or cut a corner by combining a few other recipes with this one.

My finished product

Update: one handy hint for better living: don't dish up/serve until you're ready to eat it, the night before at the earliest, otherwise it will dry out.