Day 5: The Meaning Behind Your Blog Name

The Speechaholic

I dread coming up with names for things. I tried to start an etsy store a million times but always got stuck on the name. It took me a year to start this blog because of the name.

The Speechaholic came about because at the time that I started this blog I lived, breathed, ate and drank speech therapy. I had two or more jobs and loved what I did. I also talked... a lot... and so it seemed fitting. I was addicted speech therapy and speaking. My goal was to be the best speech-language pathologist in the world (then I lowered my goal to just the USA, and then even lower to just at my place of work) ;). I wanted to write textbooks and get my PhD. I wanted to change the world.

I knew I wanted to be a speech therapist since my junior year in high school. One of my elective classes was to volunteer at a special needs preschool (that happened to be housed on our high school campus). I was working with a little boy with Autism (who is probably about 18 now!) and one day his speech therapist came in to work with him. I loved how she interacted with him and how she explained her goals and activities to me. The next week I had come up with some new ways to work on her goals with him and she was impressed. She told me I should look into speech therapy and that I would be good at it. Before this, I thought I'd just be a teacher because I like helping people/kids learn and I didn't really know what else to be. This SLP (who's name I can't remember but I do remember her face) continued to encourage me through my junior year and by the end of the year I'd started figuring out which colleges had the best speech therapy programs.

The thing I love about speech therapy is that it combines science and language (and mostly no math!). I love that you needed to know  everything from muscles and neuroanatomy to grammar and vocabulary. I love that you can work with a variety of ages and in a variety of settings. I felt like my brain was made for the field and it just fit me.

It has been a rewarding career with it's ups and downs due to paperwork and red tape, but overall I'm so thankful that I have the training and experience. Someday I'll pick it up again and maybe I'll still write a book or get my Phd. Maybe I'll still change the world... one kid at a time ;).

Free

It is a tradition I started my first quarter of undergrad and have continued on through graduate school and the years that I've worked at a school. After the last final, the last class or the last report - whatever would mark the end of that term - I would go back to my room and blare Tom Petty's Free Falling. At some point I switched to John Mayer's cover version but the tradition remains the same.

Yesterday was my last day of work for the school year and so I continue to celebrate the end of a long year with Mr. Petty's famous words. I'll reflect more on this later I'm sure, but for now I just have one simple thought:

Now I'm free, free fallin', fallin'

Now I'm free, free fallin', fallin'

Ya I'm free, free fallin', fallin'

Now I'm free, free fallin', fallin'

Free fallin', fallin'

Free fallin', fallin'

Free fallin', fallin'


(this is the John Mayer version)

Give Thanks

I always look forward to thanksgiving. It's about family, good food and time off of work to relax. It means spending a day in the kitchen with my two favorite and inspirational cooks while sappy Christmas movies play in the background.

This year did not disappoint. Family was gathered, delicious food was made, prayers of thanksgiving were offered up, food was devoured (and devoured, and devoured...) and movies were watched. It was exactly what I needed during this busy time of work and this season of hustle and bustle. The holiday gave me time to think, time to appreciate the blessings in life, time to cherish memories and time to make new ones.

This year I had a renewed appreciation for the reason behind the holiday.

I was looking through the materials in the well stocked office I share at one of my school buildings and I came across an old vocabulary curriculum that has different units for each season. No surprise, the unit for November was about the first Thanksgiving. There were pictures of pilgrims to color and learn body parts and clothing words, there were picture scenes with pilgrims and native americans to follow directions with and answer wh- questions after a short story. It was pretty cute. Not usually my thing but I knew that some of my students would love it and would do well with the repetition for the month.

As I read through the story and talked about pilgrims and asked the questions I realized that these kids had never heard any of this before. They had no idea what the first thanksgiving was about. When did we stop teaching this? Why did we stop telling the story? I know we water things down these days, even going so far as to rewrite history sometimes, but for them to have never heard of it at all... unbelievable. Then I realized how long it had been since I had heard the thanksgiving story... I had to do some research (and yes, by research I really mean Google).

Here are some facts:

In 1621, the Plymouth colonists and Wampanoag Indians shared an autumn harvest feast that is acknowledged today as one of the first Thanksgiving celebrations in the colonies. For more than two centuries, days of thanksgiving were celebrated by individual colonies and states. It wasn't until 1863, in the midst of the Civil War, that President Abraham Lincoln proclaimed a national Thanksgiving Day to be held each November. (source)

Good details but a little dry. Let's keep 'researching'...

The event that some Americans commonly call the "First Thanksgiving" was celebrated to give thanks to God for guiding them safely to the New World. The first Thanksgiving feast lasted three days, providing enough food for 53 Pilgrims and 90 Native Americans. The feast consisted of fish (cod, eels, and bass) and shellfish (clams, lobster, and mussels), wild fowl (ducks, geese, swans, and turkey), venison, berries and fruit, vegetables (peas, pumpkin, beetroot and possibly, wild or cultivated onion), harvest grains (barley and wheat), and the Three Sisters: beans, dried Indian maize or corn, and squash. The New England colonists were accustomed to regularly celebrating "thanksgivings"—days of prayer thanking God for blessings such as military victory or the end of a drought. (source)

Now we're getting somewhere. The real thanksgiving story was about a group of believers that, in faith, moved to a new land to start a new life. A life without a crazy king that dictated what the people could believe, what version of the Bible to read and if they could read the Bible at all. The Pilgrims sailed to the New World in faith that God would provide. They agreed to seven years of hard labor, just to pay for their trip. Over half of the people that arrived on the Mayflower, didn't make it through the first winter. Yet they persisted in faith. It is amazing how God provided for them through the native americans (I'll be honest, it's hard for me to not say Indians). It is incredible to see how God wove our history together through the faithfulness of a few hard working believers that were willing to be a living sacrifice.

I know there are, and have been, many ways of looking at this somewhat forgotten story, but this year I want to remember the story that gives glory to my Father. Without this story, there wouldn't be mine, or yours.

I'll end with a quote about the pilgrims from William Bradford, par. 28 (a really interesting read if you have the time):  

"They cherished a great hope and inward zeal of laying good foundations, or at least to make some way therunto, for the propagating and advancing the gospell of the kingdom of Christ in those remote parts of the world; yea, though they should be but even as stepping-stones unto others for the performing of so great a work." (sic)

 I'm so thankful for their courage, faith and determination to be stepping stones toward a bigger story.

ASHA Unplugged

This was my first time going to the ASHA (American Speech-Language Hearing Association) Convention but it wont be my last. Here's why:

The biggest reason that ASHA was worth it was the CEUs (Continuing Education Units)! You can go to as many or as few sessions as you want but they will all (generally, with few exceptions) count for CEUs. Even poster sessions count. I needed a few more for this year, so I was worried about making sure I went to enough qualifying sessions. I was worried that if I had to leave one session early for another, that I would lose those CEUs. I wasn't sure how they would monitor it, since at other events it's a pretty specific procedure. At ASHA, it's more or less on the honor system and you just enter the codes from the sessions you attended on the website after the convention. So easy! Too Easy? We'll see.

The second reason that ASHA was worth it is the endless possibilities for information. There are session topics on every major area of our field and every niche area of our field. The exhibition hall is fun and full of resources. No matter what you're hoping to explore, discover or try, it's at ASHA. They also have tons of giveaways - you have to be specific about what you want to take away and say no to the rest - and a fun scavenger hunt with an iPhone app (SCVNGR) or text to win some pretty cool prizes (I didn't win - but it was fun). Here's a picture from one of the challenges in the scavenger hunt:

Yes, that's me and the Passy Muir man.

The third reason that ASHA was worth it was the people. Even though it's crazy a little intimidating to be around all those SLPs, it was so great to see friends, classmates and professors that you hadn't seen in years. It was great to catch up with classmates, old co-workers and friends. Here's a picture from a dinner that we arranged with some of the UPCD alumni (just a note- the crowns/tiaras are from the restaurant.. not an ASHA thing. There were a few more of us attending, but not everyone made it to dinner):

Left to Right: Donna Black, Emily (Alderman) Jones,
Me, and Tiffany Broaddus

All-in-all, ASHA was well worth the money for the CEUs, the mini-vacation, the professional recharge and the chance to catch up with friends or classmates. There were a few drawbacks though, that should be shared:

Apparently ANYONE can present at ASHA. Okay, I know that isn't really true, there is a screening process. It just seems like they let anyone present. There were some really great presenters. Some very well known presenters too, who's individual seminars could have easily cost the same as all of the ASHA convention. That said. There were some really horrible presenters. I'm talking about material that is outdated, undergrad level, poorly presented and straight up useless. I know there are different areas of interest and knowledge levels present, but it was a little frustrating to go to a session for 1-2 hours and feel less intelligent upon exiting. I guess I just had higher expectations for the level of professionalism and information that would be presented. I find that, in general, it is hard to find good continuing ed seminars, so I expected that at ASHA, it would all be good. NOPE! So - buyer beware!

It was also quite confusing and a ton of work to plan your day and pick the sessions you want to attend. You never knew if the one you picked would be full, and if you'd get a seat. It all worked out in the end, but it's a little stressful. You definitely can't plan back-to-back sessions, you need a good half an hour to get from one end of the convention center to another and to arrive in time for an actual seat.

As a side note, San Diego was GORGEOUS! I wasn't great about taking pictures, but trust me it was beautiful. Next year it is in Georgia... hmm. Here's a sad, pathetic picture just before I left of the view from the convention center:

Not So One-of-A-Kind

I'm sitting in the airport terminal and I see us everywhere. There's an SLP over there. There's another one and another. Oh, there's an old college professor, she hasn't changed a bit (Dr. Z if you went to WWU). There are a few more over there. Oh boy. I start to shrink back in my seat and try to hide behind my book.

Now I am waiting for my luggage in San Diego, I see more of us than I can keep track of. Everyone looks strangely familiar. Some I know from some past life, but I can't quite place which life and how long ago it was. Do I say hi, or do I keep hiding? It goes on as I'm waiting for my shuttle. I see throngs of us crossing at crosswalks, waiting for taxis, getting on busses. There are so many of us that now everyone looks suspiciously like an SLP.

There's no denying that you can pick us out of a crowd. I can remember the first time it hit me. I was driving with a friend to a seminar and we were dreadfully lost. We turned in the direction we thought we should be going and drove a few blocks. We both knew it the moment we saw the string of (mostly) women crossing the street - we were close - those are definitely SLPs. I don't know why we knew, they looked like perfectly normal women who wouldn't stick out to anyone else, I'm sure. Maybe that was it though. They were a little too perfectly normal  All together in one group, they were all just too organized and prepared looking.

As I started to cringe at the thought of being in a giant, enormous, arguably the largest, group of us in one place at one time... I wondered. Why do I feel this way? Why do I feel as though I have to be different or as though I don't really look as obvious to them as they all do to me? Why don't I embrace the masses of people that chose the same profession as me, know what I go through day-to-day, understand my professional triumphs and sorrows and know things I'd like to know or want to know the things I want to know.

Why does this spark an insecurity in me?

It's not that I think I'm the best or worst SLP. It's not that I think I do or don't belong. There's just something about belonginig to a group of strong, empowered individuals that scares me off.

I think that it comes from always being the only one of me. I'm not competitive or overly relational because, generally, there's no one to compete with or relate to. Usually, I'm the only SLP available, the only one in the building or the only one willing to drive that far. It seems like, aside from my time in outpatient peds, I have always been the sole SLP in my work environment. Sure in the schools we have monthly meetings, but that's not the same as sharing an office with someone. It's been a rare treat to work with colleagues in my own profession on a daily basis. Usually PTs and OTs are my work companions. I share the stresses and joys of our setting with people that get therapy, just maybe not speech therapy.

A person gets used to this. Eventually you have to embrace the responsibility of being the only one who can make the decision and move forward with confidence that you've prepared for this. I think this is the reason for my feelings about masses of SLPs, I start to question myself. I realize my confidence was out of necessity and wonder if I'll discover that I've been way off base.

It's such a good thing to be challenged with new ideas and ways of thinking, to be checked against the standard on a routine basis... It's just that it's a little intimidating to think about that many of us out there, checking eachother and being checked. Some of us with more passion and dedication than I can muster. That many of us out there all doing the same thing, just a little differently, ready to be challenged and challenge others.

It's not so bad to be not so one-of-a-kind after all. It's not so lonely either.

ASHA's Good Advice

I got an email today from ASHA (the American Speech-Language Hearing Association) with a tip. Now, it's not unusual to receive emails from them, I just don't think I've had one like this before. It strikes me as funny for some reason. I think it's funny because they recognize that as a member of ASHA, we're probably stressed and thought they should give us a position statement about it handy hint for better living. It also cracks me up because of how it's worded, like a therapy goal. In the end, I'm sharing it because it actually kind of supports blogging. Here's the advice from ASHA's new "Circle of Support":

Feeling stressed? Try journaling about your emotional stressors. Find a time and place where you won’t be disturbed, such as at the end of the workday or before going to sleep. Write for a minimum of 15 minutes a day for at least 3 consecutive days. Once you begin journaling, write continuously. If you run out of things to say before the 15 minutes are over, just repeat whatever you started writing. You can write about the same thing each day or you can write about something different. The most helpful topics to write about when journaling include worries, stressful events, and issues that you have been avoiding. It’s the act of writing down your thoughts that is the real stress management tool here. Afterward, do what you wish with the written material—including ripping it up or deleting it! Stress management is just one of the topics we'll explore at this brand new Convention activity that ASHA is providing FREE to you as a special treat. Your ASHA Circle of Support Learn tips and strategies for better work/life balance (ASHA Circle of Support Lounge in the Career Fair, Hall B2) Cookies will be served as life coach Barbara Cox facilitates 15-minute classes with tips that will help you navigate toward a better work/life balance, feel calm in the midst of chaos, design your own career path, and more! These classes are more dialogues than lectures, so you’ll meet and mingle with fellow members in an intimate, friendly environment while exploring these topics. Feel free to stop by in between classes to talk with Barbara. We hope you find Your ASHA Circle of Support enlightening and FUN! For more FREE work/life balance resources—and to check out the full program that Barbara has developed for us—go to http://drcoxconsulting.com/coaching-support-groups.html. P.S. We will also be holding two drawings—one for an iPad 2!

You received this e-mail because you have registered for an ASHA conference or Convention. If you have a technical issue, please send an e-mail to listadmin@asha.org. American Speech-Language-Hearing Association 2200 Research Blvd., Rockville, MD 20850-3289 www.asha.org |© Copyright 2011

Panic

An overreaction for sure, but my gut reaction nonetheless.

I just pulled out some old calenders because I'm a little disturbed by my poor memory of the past 4-6 years and wanted to see if I could refresh them with my usually detailed calendars. Well, I could only find 2007-2008 and 2008-2009 (academic style) from when I worked in the schools. Not really what I was looking for, but I pulled them out anyway.

I was flipping through the pages to see what personal notes I might find to help jog my memory. Instead I saw appointment after appointment and note after note about IEPs due, parent meetings, staff meetings and team meetings. The memories came flooding back. The initials next to each entry brought back the stresses and the joys of each child and/or family, the frustration with colleagues, the overwhelmed and overzealous parents, and the stress of too much to do, not enough time to do it in.

My head began to swim, my throat was getting tight, my stomach started to turn, questions and doubt poured through my head. Panic overwhelmed me.

I snapped the calendar shut and took a few deep breaths.

"This is silly," I thought, "I am overreacting. It's not that bad." I don't start my new job for 41 more days. That's just under six weeks away. I have a trip to Australia between now and then. That's 20 more work days at my current job. The job will only last 180+/- school days. Only 255 more days until spring break (I obviously pulled out my countdown app at this point). Just a note: I know this sounds crazy, it's just a job and hundreds of people do it every year. I even enjoyed it at first, and I'm sure I might enjoy it again.

This little dose of reality helped bring me back to Earth. More importantly than those facts and numbers are these facts. I serve a God that is bigger than my panic/fear/worry. I know that God has so clearly been the One that provided this new job for me and I give Him the glory for that. I know that I can trust Him to sustain me through anything I encounter, in life or in work.

I so wish that I could say that my visceral reaction in this situation was immediate trust. Wasn't it just this morning that I was reminding myself to abide in His love and His Spirit!? I know these things so well in my head... why can't I keep them in my heart?

I was thinking earlier today about how much of a failure I feel like when it comes to application of my faith. Sure I acquire head knowledge but does it show in my daily life? Why does it seem like I am learning the same lessons over and over again. How frustrated I felt this morning when I recount my failures. I can see growth when I look back over the long-term, but I want it faster!

I am again (yes AGAIN) reminded of lessons in patience and perseverance, lessons of trusting and abiding, lessons of living a meek and quiet life and lessons of God's forgiveness and lack of condemnation. Really, the lessons of everything. I feel like I could read the entire Bible every morning and I'd still screw up by noon.

It occurred to me that I am harder on myself in this area than I am in any other. I realized that if I were reviewing my failures in bread baking, crocheting, relationships or even work; I would not be nearly so hard on myself. Change takes time, growth takes time. Yet, this is also something I know in my head, but can't get it to sink into my heart.

I think that one day, I will look back on this and see how far I've come. Until then, I'll try not to get annoyed by my repeated lessons. Hope you will to ;)

Long Beach Birthday 2011: Friday

What a weekend! I've broken this into three posts, Long Beach Birthday 2011 (LBB '11) one for each day. Here is Friday:

The weekend started with Friday being really busy, partly by choice. We had my cousins, Macey and Danielle, and their friend stay the night Thursday and saw them off Friday morning. They were headed to Seattle to run a marathon! After our guests were on their way, Blake and I went to the Richland Farmer's Market. I stocked up on my favorite granola, got some cherries for a road snack and we picked up some other produce. We also grabbed lunch and headed home so that I could be ready for my phone interview. The interview went fine, pretty generic and kind of anti-climactic. I have an in-person interview on Thursday.

After my interview we packed up the car and hit the road to Pendleton. I had to work for a few hours and Blake was kind enough to come with me so that I didn't have to back track and so we could get going toward the beach sooner. This is really a gracious thing for him to do because it isn't particularly fun for him to sit in my office for two-three hours!

Finally, we are on the road! It was a gorgeous drive through the gorge and we had a nice conversation.

We got into Astoria and wanted to grab a bite to eat and a drink. We decided to go to Rogue because we like their beverages and enjoyed the pub in downtown Portland. The pub in Astoria is in a really cool old cannery building. It was a little scary getting there because the signs telling us where to go lead us to this bridge (pictured below), which really didn't seem safe for driving on! We made it, both a little white knuckled! Once we made it over we had a wonderful time relaxing after our five hour drive and settling into weekend mode.

Scary bridge.

What a gorgeous night! In the background we heard
seals or sea lions saying goodnight ;)

Lots of character in this old building.

Our 'happy to be on a weekend getaway' faces.

: : :

"Next stop... Crazy"

*ding* Stop requested.

Yes. I am getting off the train at Crazy for a moment and considering a possibility that I never thought I would ever consider again.

Working in the public school system.

Ahh! I left the schools for some very good reasons. I also made the mistake of saying that I would never go back. I should learn to never make absolute statements because I inevitably end up eating my words. At this point I'm leaning toward, I don't know.

I don't know if this is a good decision. I don't know if I'll even get the job. I don't know if I'll lose my mind from the paperwork, parents and progress reports. I don't know if my perspective is skewed. I don't know if the added stress this setting caused me is going to haunt me again.

There are some things that I do know. I know that God is in control and will lead me. I know that I am stronger in the Lord, than when I first worked in the schools. I know that I have matured as an SLP and this will help. I know that I love working with children. I know that there is no perfect job.

After doing so much soul searching, praying and reading.. I asked my staffing manager to ask for an interview and the district has decided to interview me, this Friday.

Now for the really crazy part. I'd still work in Pendleton a few nights a week. This is mostly a money thing, but also a loyalty thing. I feel obligated to avoid letting them down. I'm also just hitting my one year mark with them.. and that is a record for them and having a speech therapist. I know the residents, I know the staff and they know me AND they have finally come to trust (and follow) my recommendations. Also, I have invested in the lives of the people I work with.

For the last year, this has been my mission field. I have prayed for, witnessed to and tried to encourage these women in any way possible. I have turned down other jobs in the past because I felt like this was where I needed to be. However, if I get a school job I will only work in the evenings and I won't see these women anymore.

I trust the Lord that he can reach these women without me. I also trust the Lord to sustain me if school plus Pendleton is what I need to do for a year, until I return to just Pendleton.. or move on to somewhere or something else. I trust the Lord to provide for us and to guide us.

This crazy consideration first came up during a discussion with my hubs on the way home from visiting our families this weekend. Usually my husband looks for jobs closer to family on the drive home. This time I was the one looking for a job.

I just feel like I am spinning my wheels. I love, love, love certain things about my job in Pendleton. I love most of all that I can't be late, because I make my own schedule (being on-time is a HUGE challenge for me). I also love the flexibility of working a Sunday afternoon to take a Friday off (Blake has every other Friday off). I also love that I get paid to drive there and I do really enjoy my time in the car to think, pray and listen. I also love the paperwork. So simple and impossible to take home.

What I don't love though, is the lack of hours and the feeling that I'm not doing what I need to in order to provide for my family and goals. If I could get 6.5 hours a day.. this would be the ideal job. Unfortunately, I can't seem to drum up enough of a caseload to get more than 3-4 hours. No matter how hard I try, I just can't make patients with therapeutic potential appear out of the woodwork. Not without compromising my ethics and integrity anyway. SNF therapy seems like such a fine line as it is, which is a post of it's own.

So. *ding* Crazy it is. We'll see what happens!