Is limbo the right word for it? I don't know. It sort of feels like limbo.
I'm about to have a baby, any week now. It's this funny place of kind of being a momma but not at all a momma yet. I'm as ready as you can be.. but I'm also wholly unaware of how my life is about to be turned upside down.
Sometimes I think, oh my goodness.. what did we do!? I'm not old enough for this! We aren't ready! And then I realize that I'm almost 30 and yes, yes we really are old enough for this and we're as ready as we'll ever be.
It's just so surreal to think that at any moment we'll go from our happy couple to a happy family of three. Surreal but exciting. And so we wait!
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Sprung
I don't really know when it happened, and I feel like I missed the entire season, but all of a sudden I look around and realize that spring has sprung.
I'm not sure I'll ever get used to the weather here. I think it feels like I missed spring because we only had maybe five days of rain and maybe a handful of gray/cloudy days outside of that. Where I come from, spring (and most of winter) is months and months of rain and overcast days. Not here.
Essentially, around here it almost always looks like summer, but only feels like summer during the summer months. The rest of the year it is about the same from the inside looking out: bright and brown. Spring and early summer are the rare exceptions when things start to bloom and turn green and you could possibly describe certain areas as 'pretty'. After spring it gets so hot that things turn brown and stay that way again until next spring :).
As I looked around our yard last weekend I realized that the tulips had bloomed and died, the trees had bloomed and were now growing leaves instead of petals and the weeds are already establishing their nasty roots. All of a sudden it's still daylight out by the time we're done with dinner and the sun is up before me. When did this happen? Where did spring go? There were no weeks of crummy weather to remind me to curl up with a hot drink and look out the window at the spring flowers. I'll have to set a reminder on my phone for next year, since the weather didn't seem to clue me in. I suppose I'm also a little preoccupied lately too ;).
I'm really looking forward to summer for several reasons (not working, enjoying the outdoors and, oh ya, having a baby!) but I didn't want to take spring for granted. I'm trying to stop and smell the roses (or rather watch the roses grow and hopefully bud) a little more with life in general and hopefully this will help me appreciate what is left of spring. It's so easy to look forward to the next stage of life without stopping to appreciate the stage you're about to leave.
We started planting the garden last weekend! Soon everything will be growing like a weed... or rather growing lots of weeds.. but for now it's so fun to see the little starts, lattice and cages all set up with lots of open space in between. We primarily planted those vegetables that we are starting from seed, since we still have a few weeks before we're safe from the danger of frost and hopefully those little seeds will take their full time to germinate so they don't get frostbite between now and then. We're also taking measures against the rabbits this year!
I'm not sure I'll ever get used to the weather here. I think it feels like I missed spring because we only had maybe five days of rain and maybe a handful of gray/cloudy days outside of that. Where I come from, spring (and most of winter) is months and months of rain and overcast days. Not here.
Essentially, around here it almost always looks like summer, but only feels like summer during the summer months. The rest of the year it is about the same from the inside looking out: bright and brown. Spring and early summer are the rare exceptions when things start to bloom and turn green and you could possibly describe certain areas as 'pretty'. After spring it gets so hot that things turn brown and stay that way again until next spring :).
As I looked around our yard last weekend I realized that the tulips had bloomed and died, the trees had bloomed and were now growing leaves instead of petals and the weeds are already establishing their nasty roots. All of a sudden it's still daylight out by the time we're done with dinner and the sun is up before me. When did this happen? Where did spring go? There were no weeks of crummy weather to remind me to curl up with a hot drink and look out the window at the spring flowers. I'll have to set a reminder on my phone for next year, since the weather didn't seem to clue me in. I suppose I'm also a little preoccupied lately too ;).
I'm really looking forward to summer for several reasons (not working, enjoying the outdoors and, oh ya, having a baby!) but I didn't want to take spring for granted. I'm trying to stop and smell the roses (or rather watch the roses grow and hopefully bud) a little more with life in general and hopefully this will help me appreciate what is left of spring. It's so easy to look forward to the next stage of life without stopping to appreciate the stage you're about to leave.
We started planting the garden last weekend! Soon everything will be growing like a weed... or rather growing lots of weeds.. but for now it's so fun to see the little starts, lattice and cages all set up with lots of open space in between. We primarily planted those vegetables that we are starting from seed, since we still have a few weeks before we're safe from the danger of frost and hopefully those little seeds will take their full time to germinate so they don't get frostbite between now and then. We're also taking measures against the rabbits this year!
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Fixated
I'm trying not to use the word 'obsessed' here. An obsession implies an extreme focus on something, usually with some anxiety. I don't have the anxiety piece, just the extreme focus. So instead I've decided I'm easily fixated.
I realized the other day that this time last year, I wasobsessed fixated on getting my camera.
I spent all of my discretionary time looking up reviews on cameras and
lenses and reading photography blogs. It's not to say that photography
doesn't take up any of my discretionary time anymore, but rarely is it a
fixation (unless I'm in the middle of making a photobook or editing a
batch of pictures). I occasionally read a photo blog post or forum, but
usually just to answer a specific question.
My latest fixation is cloth diapering, but it changes every few weeks. Not long ago it was carseats and stroller combos, and not long before that it was my weight. Moving on from oneobsession fixation to another and back again isn't uncommon. Understandably, I'm fixated on all things baby. Whether it's reading reviews as I work on our baby registry, or reading about natural labor strategies or breastfeeding tips or knitting patterns... my brain is baby focused these days.
I've decided that my brain works in a divide and conquer fashion of acquiring information and a little bit all-or-nothing. I'm eitherobsessed fixated on the subject and thus it consumes my thoughts until I feel like I have a good handle on the information, or I don't really get into it at all.
I say this to make myself feel better and to keep from feeling like I'm flighty or fickle. It's not that I move from topic to topic because I lose interest (although I have found myself moving on from a topic because I didn't find enough good information), it's because I've established the level of understanding that I decided was necessary for the time being. Sometimes I revisit a fixation because I realize there is more to learn than I originally thought I needed.
Take cloth diapering for example. About a year ago I did the research and chose a brand (if you've ever looked into cloth diapering, you realize what a battle just choosing a brand is). I also looked into systems for washing, which detergent is ideal for us and systems for cloth wipes. After that I was satisfied, until I decided we would try cloth diapering from newborn on (we are going to use a one-size pocket diaper, which doesn't fit until about 10 lbs... I don't plan on having a 10 lb baby). That meant a whole new look at the cloth diapering world and the pros (leakage protection) and cons (cost) of a set of smaller diapers. Most people use disposables until their kids fit into their cloth system.. but I'm feeling up for the challenge after the first week or two (after the 'black tar' has passed). Right now I'm thinking we'll use prefolds and covers (more traditional cloth diapers) but I might get a few newborn pocket diapers too if I can find them used or at a really decent price.
I don't mind that my brain works this way, but it is interesting to analyze it.
I wonder what I'll beobsessing about fixated on this time next year?
I realized the other day that this time last year, I was
My latest fixation is cloth diapering, but it changes every few weeks. Not long ago it was carseats and stroller combos, and not long before that it was my weight. Moving on from one
I've decided that my brain works in a divide and conquer fashion of acquiring information and a little bit all-or-nothing. I'm either
I say this to make myself feel better and to keep from feeling like I'm flighty or fickle. It's not that I move from topic to topic because I lose interest (although I have found myself moving on from a topic because I didn't find enough good information), it's because I've established the level of understanding that I decided was necessary for the time being. Sometimes I revisit a fixation because I realize there is more to learn than I originally thought I needed.
Take cloth diapering for example. About a year ago I did the research and chose a brand (if you've ever looked into cloth diapering, you realize what a battle just choosing a brand is). I also looked into systems for washing, which detergent is ideal for us and systems for cloth wipes. After that I was satisfied, until I decided we would try cloth diapering from newborn on (we are going to use a one-size pocket diaper, which doesn't fit until about 10 lbs... I don't plan on having a 10 lb baby). That meant a whole new look at the cloth diapering world and the pros (leakage protection) and cons (cost) of a set of smaller diapers. Most people use disposables until their kids fit into their cloth system.. but I'm feeling up for the challenge after the first week or two (after the 'black tar' has passed). Right now I'm thinking we'll use prefolds and covers (more traditional cloth diapers) but I might get a few newborn pocket diapers too if I can find them used or at a really decent price.
I don't mind that my brain works this way, but it is interesting to analyze it.
I wonder what I'll be
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Blogspiration
It's a new year. It should be an exciting year! I'm fairly certain our lives will change forever this year. However, I'm following the trend and reflecting on last year.
In looking back through the year as it relates to my blog (and thinking about where I want to take it this year) I have a few thoughts. I made 77 posts, at least two per month and significantly more in the summer. There are a lot of life event posts and only a few thoughtful posts, with the last half of the year being primarily life event/vacation/baby only.
In starting this blog, or rather in getting serious about it, my primary goal was to journal and capture my thoughts in a more organized, spell-checked and searchable way. Part of journaling is remembering life events, but probably with more of a focus on the emotions and thoughts behind the life events. I still want this to be one of the purposes of my blog.
However, as time goes on, life gets busy and family continues to be far away, I'm okay with an increase in life event posts. Especially now that our family is growing. It's a good way for extended family to keep up with what we're doing when we don't see them every week.
So, in true new year fashion here are some goals for the year, in no particular order:
Have a baby (hey sometimes you need a sure thing on your to do list)
Make time for hobbies. I know that sounds funny, but in having some more personal time throughout the last half of 2012 I realized how hard it is to make time for things that basically only matter to me. Knitting, crocheting, reading, blogging and even photography don't have a place in my weekly routine (neither does cleaning the shower.. but you can't win them all) and therefore they get pushed off to the random Saturday morning when I don't have an agenda. My goal this year is to find a way, even with a new baby, to build these things into my routine. Case in point, it's taken me 12 days to finish this post!
Spiritual depth. I've been doing pretty good with reading my Bible but I'd like to have a little more depth to it and actually study and learn as much as read. Along with this I'd like to be better about spending more purposeful time in prayer. I really want a Spirit-led life and I feel like these things need to be more of a priority.
Eat more green vegetables. And a greater variety than spinach, broccoli and green beans... okay, and the occasional kale. Fruit, no problem.. green vegetables however are harder to work into the daily diet.
And because what's a post without pictures.. here are some favorites from the past year.
March
In looking back through the year as it relates to my blog (and thinking about where I want to take it this year) I have a few thoughts. I made 77 posts, at least two per month and significantly more in the summer. There are a lot of life event posts and only a few thoughtful posts, with the last half of the year being primarily life event/vacation/baby only.
In starting this blog, or rather in getting serious about it, my primary goal was to journal and capture my thoughts in a more organized, spell-checked and searchable way. Part of journaling is remembering life events, but probably with more of a focus on the emotions and thoughts behind the life events. I still want this to be one of the purposes of my blog.
However, as time goes on, life gets busy and family continues to be far away, I'm okay with an increase in life event posts. Especially now that our family is growing. It's a good way for extended family to keep up with what we're doing when we don't see them every week.
So, in true new year fashion here are some goals for the year, in no particular order:
Have a baby (hey sometimes you need a sure thing on your to do list)
Make time for hobbies. I know that sounds funny, but in having some more personal time throughout the last half of 2012 I realized how hard it is to make time for things that basically only matter to me. Knitting, crocheting, reading, blogging and even photography don't have a place in my weekly routine (neither does cleaning the shower.. but you can't win them all) and therefore they get pushed off to the random Saturday morning when I don't have an agenda. My goal this year is to find a way, even with a new baby, to build these things into my routine. Case in point, it's taken me 12 days to finish this post!
Spiritual depth. I've been doing pretty good with reading my Bible but I'd like to have a little more depth to it and actually study and learn as much as read. Along with this I'd like to be better about spending more purposeful time in prayer. I really want a Spirit-led life and I feel like these things need to be more of a priority.
Eat more green vegetables. And a greater variety than spinach, broccoli and green beans... okay, and the occasional kale. Fruit, no problem.. green vegetables however are harder to work into the daily diet.
And because what's a post without pictures.. here are some favorites from the past year.
January
 |
| Blake turned 30! |
February
 | |
| Apparently nothing interesting happened in February. but here is this pretty sunset picture I took with my cell phone! |
March
 |
| The first picture. I {finally} got my new camera! |
April
 |
| Spring Break in Mexico with the Sauras. |
 |
| Family Easter on Bainbridge Island |
May
 |
| Home for Mother's Day |
 |
| Memorial Day with the Sauras on Bainbridge |
June
 |
| Early birthday beach trip with Sauras |
 |
| I finished my second job in Pendleton |
 |
| Weekend home to celebrate father's day and turning 29 (this is also when we decided to move up our baby plan) |
July
 |
| We celebrated my cousins' marriage |
 |
| We moved! |
 |
| We made it to the beach with the Beasleys! |
 |
| We hiked up to Adam's Creek Meadows |
August
 |
| We celebrated our 3rd anniversary |
 |
| We went on our big backpacking trip and found out that the Sauras are expecting! |
September
 |
| We went camping with cousins for Labor Day weekend |
 |
| We celebrated my cousin's 30th b-day and my dad's 56th. |
October
 |
| Woo-hoo! We are expecting! |
 |
| We made it to Rome! |
November
 |
| We toured Israel! |
December
 |
| We enjoyed telling everyone we could that we are expecting! |
 |
| We had a great Christmas! |
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Down Time
The funniest thing about this summer has been how busy I felt. The first part was busy with moving and then unpacking. After that it was busy with getting used to cleaning this big house and training for the big hike. I also started a new job and suddenly we found ourselves up to our eyeballs in weeds (I had no idea how much time we'd spend weeding!).
I don't know where the time went, but I can tell you where the time didn't go... here! I feel like I have barely spent any time at my computer. Not that this is a bad thing, but it's just very different than how I thought my summer would go.
All-in-all, it was a fantastic summer, and I'm so, so, so, SO grateful for the month plus that I had off. I can guarantee that we wouldn't be as unpacked as we are if that hadn't been the case. I also got to spend some great time with our neighbors and really felt like I could stay on top of things around the house. Most importantly, it was also a complete and total blessing to feel like a real wife again.
The down side to staying on top of things around the house and being a real wife was that I felt like I needed to justify and account for every minute of each day. It was an unexpected outcome of not working. I thought I'd nonchalantly get some housework done and then spend the rest of the time getting and staying caught up on my hobbies. Instead, I found that I felt really guilty if I took any time for myself.
When I started working in July, even though it was only 4-5 hours/day at first (turned into closer to full time by the end), I felt like I could justify sitting down for an hour before getting started on the dishes and dinner. I would usually spend this time reading my book study book or getting caught up on photo editing, but felt really guilty if I spent idle time on the computer.
It was an interesting lesson about myself. Someday I'll stay home with kids and this summer has made me realize that I'll have to be very purposeful in carving out some time for myself. Otherwise, between my own guilt and the needs of kids.. I'll shift my workaholic tendencies and never take a moment for my sanity.
So.. How did I do on my summer goals? Here's my summer progress report:
1. Learn Spanish - Super fail. This required too much sitting in front of the computer. Oh well!
2. Read Through the Bible in 90 Days - Almost met! I was scheduled to finish on August 31, but currently I'm a bit behind.
3. Organize - Met! I feel like I had time, and took the time, to get us settled and organized.
4. Training - Met!
5. Be a Better Wife - sounds conceited but: Met!
6. Daily Photography Challenge - Met! See the photos here and here
7. Knitting - Continue, little progress made.
8. Wake Up - {Mostly} Met!
9. Blog! - {Mostly} Met! Even though it doesn't feel like it, when I look back there are several posts about summer. I'd hoped to do more creative or thoughtful blogging, rather than just the life updates though.
10. TBD - Met! This turned out to be: Enjoy!
And enjoy I did! What a great summer.
I don't know where the time went, but I can tell you where the time didn't go... here! I feel like I have barely spent any time at my computer. Not that this is a bad thing, but it's just very different than how I thought my summer would go.
All-in-all, it was a fantastic summer, and I'm so, so, so, SO grateful for the month plus that I had off. I can guarantee that we wouldn't be as unpacked as we are if that hadn't been the case. I also got to spend some great time with our neighbors and really felt like I could stay on top of things around the house. Most importantly, it was also a complete and total blessing to feel like a real wife again.
The down side to staying on top of things around the house and being a real wife was that I felt like I needed to justify and account for every minute of each day. It was an unexpected outcome of not working. I thought I'd nonchalantly get some housework done and then spend the rest of the time getting and staying caught up on my hobbies. Instead, I found that I felt really guilty if I took any time for myself.
When I started working in July, even though it was only 4-5 hours/day at first (turned into closer to full time by the end), I felt like I could justify sitting down for an hour before getting started on the dishes and dinner. I would usually spend this time reading my book study book or getting caught up on photo editing, but felt really guilty if I spent idle time on the computer.
It was an interesting lesson about myself. Someday I'll stay home with kids and this summer has made me realize that I'll have to be very purposeful in carving out some time for myself. Otherwise, between my own guilt and the needs of kids.. I'll shift my workaholic tendencies and never take a moment for my sanity.
So.. How did I do on my summer goals? Here's my summer progress report:
1. Learn Spanish - Super fail. This required too much sitting in front of the computer. Oh well!
2. Read Through the Bible in 90 Days - Almost met! I was scheduled to finish on August 31, but currently I'm a bit behind.
3. Organize - Met! I feel like I had time, and took the time, to get us settled and organized.
4. Training - Met!
5. Be a Better Wife - sounds conceited but: Met!
6. Daily Photography Challenge - Met! See the photos here and here
7. Knitting - Continue, little progress made.
8. Wake Up - {Mostly} Met!
9. Blog! - {Mostly} Met! Even though it doesn't feel like it, when I look back there are several posts about summer. I'd hoped to do more creative or thoughtful blogging, rather than just the life updates though.
10. TBD - Met! This turned out to be: Enjoy!
And enjoy I did! What a great summer.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Stone of Help
EBENEZER is a combination of two Hebrew words that means stone of help.
In 1 Samuel 7:12, it says, “Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Jeshanah, and named it Ebenezer; for he said, 'Thus far the LORD has helped us.'”
In Joshua 4:1-9, Joshua instructs one man from each of the twelve tribes of Israel to set up a stone in the middle of the Jordan River as a memorial to the children of Israel that the Lord had brought them into the promise land.
In both instances the Israelites set up memorial stones in order to remember the Lord’s help, the Lord’s blessings, and the Lord’s faithfulness after a time of trial and hardship. They also set up these memorial stones so that they could teach their children about all that the Lord had done for them. Whenever I think about a memorial stone, the words of the hymn Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing play through my mind. Particularly verse 2, and the words: "Here I raise mine Ebenezer; hither by thy help I’m come" which is the inspiration behind this little post (and the encouragement and example of a friend).
If you remember from this post I've been thinking about how I can remember my time of working once it's over. I know that once I'm knee deep in laundry, crying toddlers and dirty dishes I'll sound just like the Israelites after God miraculously delivered them from slavery (see Exodus 16) when all they can do is complain about missing the food in Egypt. Time and time again we see it in the Bible, and in human nature - the grass is always greener, how soon we forget where we came from and how we got where we are today.
I want to remember that we endured this time because God sustained us and blessed us. It was rough, but didn't overtake us. And now, we've made it through!
In an effort to put something tangible behind the memory, I stopped on my way home from my last day of work in Pendleton and picked out a few stones. I'm kind of combining the two concepts of an Ebenezer and memorial stones. I knew that if I picked up a small stone, more appropriate for an Ebenezer, it would get lost in the shuffle over time. I thought long and hard about a creative way to display a stone over time that will still serve the purpose of bringing to mind all that the Lord has done for me and reminding me of the journey that it took to be a stay at home mom (someday). Ultimately, I picked out three stones that I could put in a conspicuous place, like in a garden, flowerbed or bookshelf.
In 1 Samuel 7:12, it says, “Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Jeshanah, and named it Ebenezer; for he said, 'Thus far the LORD has helped us.'”
In Joshua 4:1-9, Joshua instructs one man from each of the twelve tribes of Israel to set up a stone in the middle of the Jordan River as a memorial to the children of Israel that the Lord had brought them into the promise land.
In both instances the Israelites set up memorial stones in order to remember the Lord’s help, the Lord’s blessings, and the Lord’s faithfulness after a time of trial and hardship. They also set up these memorial stones so that they could teach their children about all that the Lord had done for them. Whenever I think about a memorial stone, the words of the hymn Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing play through my mind. Particularly verse 2, and the words: "Here I raise mine Ebenezer; hither by thy help I’m come" which is the inspiration behind this little post (and the encouragement and example of a friend).
If you remember from this post I've been thinking about how I can remember my time of working once it's over. I know that once I'm knee deep in laundry, crying toddlers and dirty dishes I'll sound just like the Israelites after God miraculously delivered them from slavery (see Exodus 16) when all they can do is complain about missing the food in Egypt. Time and time again we see it in the Bible, and in human nature - the grass is always greener, how soon we forget where we came from and how we got where we are today.
I want to remember that we endured this time because God sustained us and blessed us. It was rough, but didn't overtake us. And now, we've made it through!
In an effort to put something tangible behind the memory, I stopped on my way home from my last day of work in Pendleton and picked out a few stones. I'm kind of combining the two concepts of an Ebenezer and memorial stones. I knew that if I picked up a small stone, more appropriate for an Ebenezer, it would get lost in the shuffle over time. I thought long and hard about a creative way to display a stone over time that will still serve the purpose of bringing to mind all that the Lord has done for me and reminding me of the journey that it took to be a stay at home mom (someday). Ultimately, I picked out three stones that I could put in a conspicuous place, like in a garden, flowerbed or bookshelf.
 |
| Where my stones came from. |
 |
| Where they are now. |
|
| The lighter/smaller stone has the Hebrew for Ebenezer written on it. |
Thursday, December 8, 2011
I wonder
I wonder what is going on right now in your life. I wonder what happened to you today. What happened just before you got in your car or before you answered that phone call. I wonder what happened to you yesterday to change you today. I wonder.
When I hear stories about someone's baby being born, someone's child meeting a milestone, a family member being in an accident, etc. I think, what was I doing just then? Was I complaining about something, was I taking my blessings for granted, was I busy or bored? What was I doing when this life altering thing happened to you?
It's so interesting to think about the six-billion-plus moments that are going on around the world right now. I can barely keep track of my own moments, but God keeps track of all of those moments.
I'm reminded at moments like this, when I'm milling the minutes away until my next task, that something is happening to someone right now. Something huge and exciting, something tragic, something life changing, or something just as normal as my moments right now.
I wonder.
When I hear stories about someone's baby being born, someone's child meeting a milestone, a family member being in an accident, etc. I think, what was I doing just then? Was I complaining about something, was I taking my blessings for granted, was I busy or bored? What was I doing when this life altering thing happened to you?
It's so interesting to think about the six-billion-plus moments that are going on around the world right now. I can barely keep track of my own moments, but God keeps track of all of those moments.
I'm reminded at moments like this, when I'm milling the minutes away until my next task, that something is happening to someone right now. Something huge and exciting, something tragic, something life changing, or something just as normal as my moments right now.
I wonder.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Anticipation
I love Christmas. I love everything about it. I was realizing the other day that I might love looking forward to Christmas almost more than I love the actual day.
I love decorating (albeit simply) and watching the world get decorated. I love the crisp air, the red Starbucks cups and warm seasonal drinks, the wool coats and bright scarves. I love that the whole world - or at least the country - is recognizing the same season of giving that all started with God's gift to us (like it or not!). I love that songs about the birth of our Savior fill the airways, even in the most secular places. I love the list making and list finishing. I love that everyday has a bit of purpose in getting you toward that big day. I just love getting ready for Christmas.
All of these things bring back warm memories from childhood and stir up leftover warm-fuzzies from past Christmases. The anticipation of Christmas is the gift that keeps on giving - from a few days before Thanksgiving through the candle light Christmas Eve service. There is just something different in the air, the hopeful expectation is almost tangible.
: :
Part of this appreciation for looking forward comes from my friend Whitney. She always makes sure to have future plans so that she has something to look forward to during a busy week or stressful month. Whitney is also very good about making sure that we always have a plan for when we will see each other again soon after our latest get together. It has kept our friendship thriving. Through her, I've learned to make sure I always have something to look forward to - adding some joyful anticipation to every day.
On one hand, looking forward to something puts us at risk for wishing today away for tomorrow, but it can also be that that ace up a sleeve that you pull out to lift a crummy mood or brighten a long day. I have found that enjoying every moment of anticipation helps me to appreciate the days until something, instead of just wishing away time.
Anticipation is a way to stop and smell the roses along the journey.
I love decorating (albeit simply) and watching the world get decorated. I love the crisp air, the red Starbucks cups and warm seasonal drinks, the wool coats and bright scarves. I love that the whole world - or at least the country - is recognizing the same season of giving that all started with God's gift to us (like it or not!). I love that songs about the birth of our Savior fill the airways, even in the most secular places. I love the list making and list finishing. I love that everyday has a bit of purpose in getting you toward that big day. I just love getting ready for Christmas.
All of these things bring back warm memories from childhood and stir up leftover warm-fuzzies from past Christmases. The anticipation of Christmas is the gift that keeps on giving - from a few days before Thanksgiving through the candle light Christmas Eve service. There is just something different in the air, the hopeful expectation is almost tangible.
: :
Part of this appreciation for looking forward comes from my friend Whitney. She always makes sure to have future plans so that she has something to look forward to during a busy week or stressful month. Whitney is also very good about making sure that we always have a plan for when we will see each other again soon after our latest get together. It has kept our friendship thriving. Through her, I've learned to make sure I always have something to look forward to - adding some joyful anticipation to every day.
On one hand, looking forward to something puts us at risk for wishing today away for tomorrow, but it can also be that that ace up a sleeve that you pull out to lift a crummy mood or brighten a long day. I have found that enjoying every moment of anticipation helps me to appreciate the days until something, instead of just wishing away time.
Anticipation is a way to stop and smell the roses along the journey.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Give Thanks
I always look forward to thanksgiving. It's about family, good food and time off of work to relax. It means spending a day in the kitchen with my two favorite and inspirational cooks while sappy Christmas movies play in the background.
This year did not disappoint. Family was gathered, delicious food was made, prayers of thanksgiving were offered up, food was devoured (and devoured, and devoured...) and movies were watched. It was exactly what I needed during this busy time of work and this season of hustle and bustle. The holiday gave me time to think, time to appreciate the blessings in life, time to cherish memories and time to make new ones.
This year I had a renewed appreciation for the reason behind the holiday.
I was looking through the materials in the well stocked office I share at one of my school buildings and I came across an old vocabulary curriculum that has different units for each season. No surprise, the unit for November was about the first Thanksgiving. There were pictures of pilgrims to color and learn body parts and clothing words, there were picture scenes with pilgrims and native americans to follow directions with and answer wh- questions after a short story. It was pretty cute. Not usually my thing but I knew that some of my students would love it and would do well with the repetition for the month.
As I read through the story and talked about pilgrims and asked the questions I realized that these kids had never heard any of this before. They had no idea what the first thanksgiving was about. When did we stop teaching this? Why did we stop telling the story? I know we water things down these days, even going so far as to rewrite history sometimes, but for them to have never heard of it at all... unbelievable. Then I realized how long it had been since I had heard the thanksgiving story... I had to do some research (and yes, by research I really mean Google).
Here are some facts:
Good details but a little dry. Let's keep 'researching'...
Now we're getting somewhere. The real thanksgiving story was about a group of believers that, in faith, moved to a new land to start a new life. A life without a crazy king that dictated what the people could believe, what version of the Bible to read and if they could read the Bible at all. The Pilgrims sailed to the New World in faith that God would provide. They agreed to seven years of hard labor, just to pay for their trip. Over half of the people that arrived on the Mayflower, didn't make it through the first winter. Yet they persisted in faith. It is amazing how God provided for them through the native americans (I'll be honest, it's hard for me to not say Indians). It is incredible to see how God wove our history together through the faithfulness of a few hard working believers that were willing to be a living sacrifice.
I know there are, and have been, many ways of looking at this somewhat forgotten story, but this year I want to remember the story that gives glory to my Father. Without this story, there wouldn't be mine, or yours.
I'll end with a quote about the pilgrims from William Bradford, par. 28 (a really interesting read if you have the time):
I'm so thankful for their courage, faith and determination to be stepping stones toward a bigger story.
This year did not disappoint. Family was gathered, delicious food was made, prayers of thanksgiving were offered up, food was devoured (and devoured, and devoured...) and movies were watched. It was exactly what I needed during this busy time of work and this season of hustle and bustle. The holiday gave me time to think, time to appreciate the blessings in life, time to cherish memories and time to make new ones.
This year I had a renewed appreciation for the reason behind the holiday.
I was looking through the materials in the well stocked office I share at one of my school buildings and I came across an old vocabulary curriculum that has different units for each season. No surprise, the unit for November was about the first Thanksgiving. There were pictures of pilgrims to color and learn body parts and clothing words, there were picture scenes with pilgrims and native americans to follow directions with and answer wh- questions after a short story. It was pretty cute. Not usually my thing but I knew that some of my students would love it and would do well with the repetition for the month.
As I read through the story and talked about pilgrims and asked the questions I realized that these kids had never heard any of this before. They had no idea what the first thanksgiving was about. When did we stop teaching this? Why did we stop telling the story? I know we water things down these days, even going so far as to rewrite history sometimes, but for them to have never heard of it at all... unbelievable. Then I realized how long it had been since I had heard the thanksgiving story... I had to do some research (and yes, by research I really mean Google).
Here are some facts:
In 1621, the Plymouth colonists and Wampanoag Indians shared an autumn harvest feast that is acknowledged today as one of the first Thanksgiving celebrations in the colonies. For more than two centuries, days of thanksgiving were celebrated by individual colonies and states. It wasn't until 1863, in the midst of the Civil War, that President Abraham Lincoln proclaimed a national Thanksgiving Day to be held each November. (source)
Good details but a little dry. Let's keep 'researching'...
The event that some Americans commonly call the "First Thanksgiving" was celebrated to give thanks to God for guiding them safely to the New World. The first Thanksgiving feast lasted three days, providing enough food for 53 Pilgrims and 90 Native Americans. The feast consisted of fish (cod, eels, and bass) and shellfish (clams, lobster, and mussels), wild fowl (ducks, geese, swans, and turkey), venison, berries and fruit, vegetables (peas, pumpkin, beetroot and possibly, wild or cultivated onion), harvest grains (barley and wheat), and the Three Sisters: beans, dried Indian maize or corn, and squash. The New England colonists were accustomed to regularly celebrating "thanksgivings"—days of prayer thanking God for blessings such as military victory or the end of a drought. (source)
Now we're getting somewhere. The real thanksgiving story was about a group of believers that, in faith, moved to a new land to start a new life. A life without a crazy king that dictated what the people could believe, what version of the Bible to read and if they could read the Bible at all. The Pilgrims sailed to the New World in faith that God would provide. They agreed to seven years of hard labor, just to pay for their trip. Over half of the people that arrived on the Mayflower, didn't make it through the first winter. Yet they persisted in faith. It is amazing how God provided for them through the native americans (I'll be honest, it's hard for me to not say Indians). It is incredible to see how God wove our history together through the faithfulness of a few hard working believers that were willing to be a living sacrifice.
I know there are, and have been, many ways of looking at this somewhat forgotten story, but this year I want to remember the story that gives glory to my Father. Without this story, there wouldn't be mine, or yours.
I'll end with a quote about the pilgrims from William Bradford, par. 28 (a really interesting read if you have the time):
"They cherished a great hope and inward zeal of laying good foundations, or at least to make some way therunto, for the propagating and advancing the gospell of the kingdom of Christ in those remote parts of the world; yea, though they should be but even as stepping-stones unto others for the performing of so great a work." (sic)
I'm so thankful for their courage, faith and determination to be stepping stones toward a bigger story.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Not So One-of-A-Kind
I'm sitting in the airport terminal and I see us everywhere. There's an SLP over there. There's another one and another. Oh, there's an old college professor, she hasn't changed a bit (Dr. Z if you went to WWU). There are a few more over there. Oh boy. I start to shrink back in my seat and try to hide behind my book.
Now I am waiting for my luggage in San Diego, I see more of us than I can keep track of. Everyone looks strangely familiar. Some I know from some past life, but I can't quite place which life and how long ago it was. Do I say hi, or do I keep hiding? It goes on as I'm waiting for my shuttle. I see throngs of us crossing at crosswalks, waiting for taxis, getting on busses. There are so many of us that now everyone looks suspiciously like an SLP.
There's no denying that you can pick us out of a crowd. I can remember the first time it hit me. I was driving with a friend to a seminar and we were dreadfully lost. We turned in the direction we thought we should be going and drove a few blocks. We both knew it the moment we saw the string of (mostly) women crossing the street - we were close - those are definitely SLPs. I don't know why we knew, they looked like perfectly normal women who wouldn't stick out to anyone else, I'm sure. Maybe that was it though. They were a little too perfectly normal All together in one group, they were all just too organized and prepared looking.
As I started to cringe at the thought of being in a giant, enormous, arguably the largest, group of us in one place at one time... I wondered. Why do I feel this way? Why do I feel as though I have to be different or as though I don't really look as obvious to them as they all do to me? Why don't I embrace the masses of people that chose the same profession as me, know what I go through day-to-day, understand my professional triumphs and sorrows and know things I'd like to know or want to know the things I want to know.
Why does this spark an insecurity in me?
It's not that I think I'm the best or worst SLP. It's not that I think I do or don't belong. There's just something about belonginig to a group of strong, empowered individuals that scares me off.
I think that it comes from always being the only one of me. I'm not competitive or overly relational because, generally, there's no one to compete with or relate to. Usually, I'm the only SLP available, the only one in the building or the only one willing to drive that far. It seems like, aside from my time in outpatient peds, I have always been the sole SLP in my work environment. Sure in the schools we have monthly meetings, but that's not the same as sharing an office with someone. It's been a rare treat to work with colleagues in my own profession on a daily basis. Usually PTs and OTs are my work companions. I share the stresses and joys of our setting with people that get therapy, just maybe not speech therapy.
A person gets used to this. Eventually you have to embrace the responsibility of being the only one who can make the decision and move forward with confidence that you've prepared for this. I think this is the reason for my feelings about masses of SLPs, I start to question myself. I realize my confidence was out of necessity and wonder if I'll discover that I've been way off base.
It's such a good thing to be challenged with new ideas and ways of thinking, to be checked against the standard on a routine basis... It's just that it's a little intimidating to think about that many of us out there, checking eachother and being checked. Some of us with more passion and dedication than I can muster. That many of us out there all doing the same thing, just a little differently, ready to be challenged and challenge others.
It's not so bad to be not so one-of-a-kind after all. It's not so lonely either.
Now I am waiting for my luggage in San Diego, I see more of us than I can keep track of. Everyone looks strangely familiar. Some I know from some past life, but I can't quite place which life and how long ago it was. Do I say hi, or do I keep hiding? It goes on as I'm waiting for my shuttle. I see throngs of us crossing at crosswalks, waiting for taxis, getting on busses. There are so many of us that now everyone looks suspiciously like an SLP.
There's no denying that you can pick us out of a crowd. I can remember the first time it hit me. I was driving with a friend to a seminar and we were dreadfully lost. We turned in the direction we thought we should be going and drove a few blocks. We both knew it the moment we saw the string of (mostly) women crossing the street - we were close - those are definitely SLPs. I don't know why we knew, they looked like perfectly normal women who wouldn't stick out to anyone else, I'm sure. Maybe that was it though. They were a little too perfectly normal All together in one group, they were all just too organized and prepared looking.
As I started to cringe at the thought of being in a giant, enormous, arguably the largest, group of us in one place at one time... I wondered. Why do I feel this way? Why do I feel as though I have to be different or as though I don't really look as obvious to them as they all do to me? Why don't I embrace the masses of people that chose the same profession as me, know what I go through day-to-day, understand my professional triumphs and sorrows and know things I'd like to know or want to know the things I want to know.
Why does this spark an insecurity in me?
It's not that I think I'm the best or worst SLP. It's not that I think I do or don't belong. There's just something about belonginig to a group of strong, empowered individuals that scares me off.
I think that it comes from always being the only one of me. I'm not competitive or overly relational because, generally, there's no one to compete with or relate to. Usually, I'm the only SLP available, the only one in the building or the only one willing to drive that far. It seems like, aside from my time in outpatient peds, I have always been the sole SLP in my work environment. Sure in the schools we have monthly meetings, but that's not the same as sharing an office with someone. It's been a rare treat to work with colleagues in my own profession on a daily basis. Usually PTs and OTs are my work companions. I share the stresses and joys of our setting with people that get therapy, just maybe not speech therapy.
A person gets used to this. Eventually you have to embrace the responsibility of being the only one who can make the decision and move forward with confidence that you've prepared for this. I think this is the reason for my feelings about masses of SLPs, I start to question myself. I realize my confidence was out of necessity and wonder if I'll discover that I've been way off base.
It's such a good thing to be challenged with new ideas and ways of thinking, to be checked against the standard on a routine basis... It's just that it's a little intimidating to think about that many of us out there, checking eachother and being checked. Some of us with more passion and dedication than I can muster. That many of us out there all doing the same thing, just a little differently, ready to be challenged and challenge others.
It's not so bad to be not so one-of-a-kind after all. It's not so lonely either.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Surrender
The world will tell you to look within yourself, that you have all you need inside to accomplish your dreams and to achieve happiness.
I agree that we humans are powerful creatures. We were, after all, created by a powerful God. Yet, I have found that the more I look within myself for answers, power and happiness the more I .... keep looking.
The real power in our lives comes when we make the choice to surrender. It's a powerful thing to submit all of your being to the One who made you. To harness that power and give the control to Someone who can direct it and make something of it.
Sure I have the capability to create my own destiny, make a difference and strive for happiness, but what a mess I make on my own and what a short, insignificant story I would write.
Our lives here are brief, but my life in eternity is forever. I want to make a difference that lasts beyond time, beyond the world's idea of happiness.
I have the choice to seek myself, or to seek the One that will be found.
I have the choice to struggle in my own strength, or I can surrender wholly to the one that knows my strength best.
I have the choice to be wild and powerful, or to be wildly under the eternal power of Jesus.
My choice has been made. It took me too long to realize I can't serve myself and Him. I finally understand that there's no way to be but all-in.
I SURRENDER my life, for a better one.
I agree that we humans are powerful creatures. We were, after all, created by a powerful God. Yet, I have found that the more I look within myself for answers, power and happiness the more I .... keep looking.
The real power in our lives comes when we make the choice to surrender. It's a powerful thing to submit all of your being to the One who made you. To harness that power and give the control to Someone who can direct it and make something of it.
Sure I have the capability to create my own destiny, make a difference and strive for happiness, but what a mess I make on my own and what a short, insignificant story I would write.
Our lives here are brief, but my life in eternity is forever. I want to make a difference that lasts beyond time, beyond the world's idea of happiness.
I have the choice to seek myself, or to seek the One that will be found.
I have the choice to struggle in my own strength, or I can surrender wholly to the one that knows my strength best.
I have the choice to be wild and powerful, or to be wildly under the eternal power of Jesus.
My choice has been made. It took me too long to realize I can't serve myself and Him. I finally understand that there's no way to be but all-in.
I SURRENDER my life, for a better one.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Refreshing
Have you ever walked away from an interaction, situation, setting or meal and thought to yourself, "How refreshing!"
I just did and it made me think about the other things that make me feel refreshed.
Ice cold sparkling water with lime
A hot shower
A conversation with someone who understands the simplicity and peace of life with Christ
A clear, bright day with green grass or trees next to a lake or river
Plain frozen yogurt with fresh berries
A light cold breeze on a hot day
Anything citrus
Waking up to crisp mountain air surrounded by God's handiwork
Seeing eye-to-eye or understanding a common history with an acquaintance or stranger
Lightly vanilla syrup sweetened ice tea
The world through the eyes and mouths of babes
Walking through the falling snow with a latte in one hand and my husband in another
Crawling into fresh, clean, cold, crisp sheets and falling fast asleep
And on that note.. I think I'll try that last one {sigh}... ahh.
How refreshing!
Goodnight!
I just did and it made me think about the other things that make me feel refreshed.
Ice cold sparkling water with lime
A hot shower
A conversation with someone who understands the simplicity and peace of life with Christ
A clear, bright day with green grass or trees next to a lake or river
Plain frozen yogurt with fresh berries
A light cold breeze on a hot day
Anything citrus
Waking up to crisp mountain air surrounded by God's handiwork
Seeing eye-to-eye or understanding a common history with an acquaintance or stranger
Lightly vanilla syrup sweetened ice tea
The world through the eyes and mouths of babes
Walking through the falling snow with a latte in one hand and my husband in another
Crawling into fresh, clean, cold, crisp sheets and falling fast asleep
And on that note.. I think I'll try that last one {sigh}... ahh.
How refreshing!
Goodnight!
Saturday, October 8, 2011
A Life Made Simple
I tend to make things complicated. I don't like to, but I do. I over think things, I over analyze and we all know I over discuss things (see all previous posts). It's the human part of me. I was laying in bed this morning, thinking about how simple life can be if we let it, and how much more simple my life seems recently. Life in Christ is meant to be simple.
The beauty of a life in Christ is that the older you get, the longer you live for Christ, the more simple life becomes. I can remember a time when I thought that it wasn't so easy to 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind (Matt. 22:37). I've realized though, that the more I try to live this way, the easier it becomes. I think that this is probably because the more I put God first, the better things turn out, it snowballs and the easier life gets. It's simple.
Not that I have it down pat - far, far from it - but it's cool to look back and see the pattern of simplicity that follows the times that I surrender to Jesus and try to put Him first. I was praying this morning about some friends that are experiencing life's struggles, I found myself just wishing for them that they could just surrender their chaos to Jesus. He makes all things new. His yoke is easy and His burden is light (Matt. 11:30). His advice is wholesome. His words are plain (Prov. 8:8-9). He makes life so simple.
That's not to say that life isn't complex. Our bodies, this planet, our social networks, our relationships and our value systems - they are all complex just like the One that created them. That doesn't mean that they have to be complicated though. There is a simple answer.
I like this verse in the KJV because it has a certain ring to it: "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you" (Matt 6:33). Or in the more modern version: "Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need." NLT.
Life can be so simple.
The beauty of a life in Christ is that the older you get, the longer you live for Christ, the more simple life becomes. I can remember a time when I thought that it wasn't so easy to 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind (Matt. 22:37). I've realized though, that the more I try to live this way, the easier it becomes. I think that this is probably because the more I put God first, the better things turn out, it snowballs and the easier life gets. It's simple.
Not that I have it down pat - far, far from it - but it's cool to look back and see the pattern of simplicity that follows the times that I surrender to Jesus and try to put Him first. I was praying this morning about some friends that are experiencing life's struggles, I found myself just wishing for them that they could just surrender their chaos to Jesus. He makes all things new. His yoke is easy and His burden is light (Matt. 11:30). His advice is wholesome. His words are plain (Prov. 8:8-9). He makes life so simple.
That's not to say that life isn't complex. Our bodies, this planet, our social networks, our relationships and our value systems - they are all complex just like the One that created them. That doesn't mean that they have to be complicated though. There is a simple answer.
I like this verse in the KJV because it has a certain ring to it: "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you" (Matt 6:33). Or in the more modern version: "Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need." NLT.
Life can be so simple.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
The Road Ahead
The most profound thing that my grandpa has ever said to me went something like this:
"Jilsy-Pillsy, I'm proud of you. You've worked hard and your parents did a good job with you. I'm proud of the kind of parents that all my kids turned out to be. You have worked hard and got a good education, but take it from someone who didn't get past the 8th grade, book smarts aren't all that matter. On the road of life you never know what's up ahead or around the corner. It might look like a four lane super highway, but it is like a real road - there are smooth patches and there are potholes. You never know when they are coming but they'll come, and you'll have to get past them. An education is good, but sometimes life takes some good, solid common sense to get through it."
Now, if you know my grandpa, you know that this is out of his norm for granfatherly advice. He usually sticks to the bit about education vs. common sense and promotes the use of the World Book Encyclopedia and the news as his best education. I can still remember being nervous as he pulled me aside at my college graduation party and sat me down on the green couch in the parlor of my parents' house. You never knew what grandpa was going to talk to you about, or how long he'd talk
I don't know why, but his analogy of the road ahead has stuck with me. I could just see the sincerity, the hint of humility, and the honest desire to share something from his years of life with me in my budding adulthood.
It's true that we just don't know what the road ahead holds for us. Does it hold many twists, forks and curves; does it hold washed out patches and potholes that will nearly swallow you whole or pop your tire?
I like to plan (what an understatement) and so does Blake (have you seen his spreadsheets!?), but some things you just can't plan for, you just have to trust.
My grandpa trusts his common sense, and I'm thankful for the common sense that he's passed down to my parents and on to me. However, even more than common sense I trust the One who made the road, the One who wrote the book on wisdom, the One who has been there with me through the journey and the One who promises to never leave me or forsake me.
Proverbs 3:5-6 will always remind me of the word picture my grandpa painted, and the things he didn't say when he sat me down on that couch. I'm thankful that my parents filled in the blanks as I was growing up.
In the devotional, Jesus Calling, Sarah Young shares what Jesus told her about trust. It was just what I needed on the day I read it:
"Jilsy-Pillsy, I'm proud of you. You've worked hard and your parents did a good job with you. I'm proud of the kind of parents that all my kids turned out to be. You have worked hard and got a good education, but take it from someone who didn't get past the 8th grade, book smarts aren't all that matter. On the road of life you never know what's up ahead or around the corner. It might look like a four lane super highway, but it is like a real road - there are smooth patches and there are potholes. You never know when they are coming but they'll come, and you'll have to get past them. An education is good, but sometimes life takes some good, solid common sense to get through it."
Now, if you know my grandpa, you know that this is out of his norm for granfatherly advice. He usually sticks to the bit about education vs. common sense and promotes the use of the World Book Encyclopedia and the news as his best education. I can still remember being nervous as he pulled me aside at my college graduation party and sat me down on the green couch in the parlor of my parents' house. You never knew what grandpa was going to talk to you about, or how long he'd talk
I don't know why, but his analogy of the road ahead has stuck with me. I could just see the sincerity, the hint of humility, and the honest desire to share something from his years of life with me in my budding adulthood.
It's true that we just don't know what the road ahead holds for us. Does it hold many twists, forks and curves; does it hold washed out patches and potholes that will nearly swallow you whole or pop your tire?
I like to plan (what an understatement) and so does Blake (have you seen his spreadsheets!?), but some things you just can't plan for, you just have to trust.
My grandpa trusts his common sense, and I'm thankful for the common sense that he's passed down to my parents and on to me. However, even more than common sense I trust the One who made the road, the One who wrote the book on wisdom, the One who has been there with me through the journey and the One who promises to never leave me or forsake me.
Proverbs 3:5-6 will always remind me of the word picture my grandpa painted, and the things he didn't say when he sat me down on that couch. I'm thankful that my parents filled in the blanks as I was growing up.
In the devotional, Jesus Calling, Sarah Young shares what Jesus told her about trust. It was just what I needed on the day I read it:
"Walk with me along paths of trust. The most direct route between point A and point B on your life journey, is the path of unwavering trust in Me. When your faith falters, you choose a path that meanders and takes you well out of your way. You will get to point B eventually, but will have lost precious time and energy. As soon as you realize you have wandered from your trust path, look to me and whisper "I trust you Jesus." This affirmation will help you get back on track. The farther you roam along paths of unbelief, the harder it is to remember that I am with you. Anxious thoughts branch off in all directions, taking you farther and farther from your awareness of my presence. You need to voice your trust in Me frequently. This simple act of faith will keep you walking along straight paths with Me. Trust in me with all your heart, and I will make your paths straight." - September 9th
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Little Choices
"Every time you make a choice you are turning the central part of you, the part of you that chooses, into something a little different from what it was before. And taking your life as a whole, with all your innumerable choices, all your life long you are slowly turning this central thing either into a heavenly creature or into a hellish creature; either into a creature that is in harmony with God, and with other creatures, and with itself, or else into one that is in a state of war and hatred with God, and with its fellow-creatures, and with itself." — C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
Recently, I learned a lesson about making daily, little choices. I often overwhelm myself by trying to tackle a problem or situation by looking at the big picture and the long term desired outcome. Specifically, I can easily get overwhelmed and defeated when I think about the kind of person that I want to be (and who God wants me to be) and the kind of person that I truly am day-to-day. I think about how we are all sinners and about the lessons I've learned (and re-learned) that are shaping me to look less like a sinner and more like Christ. Yet, I am still a sinner that... sins.
I read verses like this:
"And we can be sure that we know him if we obey his commandments. If someone claims, “I know God,” but doesn’t obey God’s commandments, that person is a liar and is not living in the truth. But those who obey God’s word truly show how completely they love him. That is how we know we are living in him. Those who say they live in God should live their lives as Jesus did."
(1 John 2:3-6)
And this:
"Everyone who sins is breaking God’s law, for all sin is contrary to the law of God. And you know that Jesus came to take away our sins, and there is no sin in Him. Anyone who continues to live in him will not sin. But anyone who keeps on sinning does not know him or understand who he is.Dear children, don’t let anyone deceive you about this: When people do what is right, it shows that they are righteous, even as Christ is righteous. But when people keep on sinning, it shows that they belong to the devil, who has been sinning since the beginning. But the Son of God came to destroy the works of the devil. Those who have been born into God’s family do not make a practice of sinning, because God’s life is in them. So they can’t keep on sinning, because they are children of God. So now we can tell who are children of God and who are children of the devil. Anyone who does not live righteously and does not love other believers does not belong to God.
(1 John 3:4-10)
And I think... but I sin! It says whoever abides in Him does not sin... but I still sin! I still miss the mark and my heart isn't righteous!
-NOW, I know that there is more going on here. John's message is largely about forgiveness of sin and Christ as our Advocate. Please read these verses in context if you haven't recently (hover over: 1 John 2 and 1 John 3).-
My point though, is that I get caught up in those out-of-context words. I see the end goal of being without sin as Christ is without sin and I see how far I am from there. I see the black and white without the blood red of Christ bridging the gap. I see the standard: Jesus did not sin; and I see my status: failing on a daily basis.
Now believe it or not, I'm not being too hard on myself (this time). I know that I'll never be able to meet the standard alone, no matter how good I am, how much growth I make or how little I sin. I need Christ's payment for my sins, large or small, but thanks to Him — someday in heaven I will meet the standard.
So in order to feel hope in my daily struggle with my sinful nature I had to change how I looked at progress. I can't look at the big picture and see that, yep I'm still a sinner. I realized that I need to look at the little things. If I take life one choice at a time, it's more manageable.
For example, instead of this goal:
Jillian will act and think in a way that glorifies God in 100% of opportunities by [tomorrow's date].
I'd work on this goal:
When presented with a choice to think/act in a way that glorifies God or to think/act in a way that gratifies sinful nature, Jillian will choose to glorify God in 1/1 opportunities across ∞ (infinity) consecutive trials with 100% dependence on cues/prompts from the Holy Spirit by [end of life].
or this goal:
Jillian will increase dependence on the Holy Spirit during activities of daily living as evidenced by an overall increase in the presence of spiritual characteristics (e.g., love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control) in order to increase enjoyment of, obedience to, and glorification of God by [end of life].
(Okay, Medicare and IDEA would prefer the first or none of these goals, but you get the idea... and I'm just being silly because I spent the day reading/writing goals.)
I came to this realization one night when I stumbled across these verses, so familiar but so new and alive at that moment:
These two forces are constantly fighting each other, and your choices are never free from this conflict. But when you are directed by the Holy Spirit, you are no longer subject to the law (of Moses). When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, your lives will produce these evil results: sexual immorality, impure thoughts, eagerness for lustful pleasure, idolatry, participation in demonic activities, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, divisions the feeling that everyone is wrong except those in your own little group, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other kinds of sin. let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.
But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. Here there is no conflict with the law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to His cross and crucified them there. If we are living now by the Holy Spirit, let us follow the Holy Spirit's leading in every part of our lives." (Galatians 5:16-26)
Saturday, July 16, 2011
History
Why didn't I appreciate history when I was learning it in school? I don't think I hated it but I don't remember it being my favorite subject either. This probably had more to do with the various teachers I had and not the content. I'll have to add here that during the years that I was home schooled (my mom being my teacher) I enjoyed history. She really had a way of bringing it alive and what I learned through those history lessons is most of what I have retained until now.
Lately, I can't get enough history! Several weeks ago I was riding through the Columbia River Gorge soaking in the general splendor and felicity of the change in scenery from brown to green. It crossed my mind on that trip, as it has on many trips before, that during the Lewis and Clark expedition in 1805 this gorgeous area might have looked much different.
That time my curiosity was peaked and I googled to find out what they really thought about my Columbia gorge during their voyage. As it turns out, they weren't as impressed with it as I expected them to be. However, they also had some significant challenges to deal with which can not be appreciated from the climate controlled seat of one's car.
This was just the beginning. When we arrived at my parents' house that weekend, I was sharing a new book with my mom and came across one of her new books, The Journals of Lewis and Clark. What great timing! After reading little excerpts on google, I had decided to search for a book of more original journals when I got home. My mom wasn't planning on reading it right away (or so she said) and she let me borrow it. It has been somewhat slow reading, but still very interesting.
The real history lesson comes from the combination of books I'm reading/listening to: The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin, for my book club; the aforementioned Journals; and the biographical novel Undaunted Courage. Ben Franklin finishes his autobiography just before the Revolutionary war has been won, and Undaunted Courage picks up a little before then. The three literary works compliment each other nicely and paint a very clear picture of that point in history.
I can easily recall certain dates, names, presidents etc from that time period, a feat that prior to this literary journey I would have failed at miserably. I could actually tell you who the first three presidents of the US are, and what they were famous for! I'm still reading The Journals and Undaunted Courage but have finished Ben Franklin. The history lesson continues!
It has been so fun to truly appreciate history lately. I am soaking it in and enoying the captivation that leads to learning.
Here are some pictures from a visit my family and I look to Fort Clatsop in 2004. Fort Clatsop was where the expedition corps stayed after reaching the Pacific in the winter of 1805 I can't wait to go back again after all of this reading!
Lately, I can't get enough history! Several weeks ago I was riding through the Columbia River Gorge soaking in the general splendor and felicity of the change in scenery from brown to green. It crossed my mind on that trip, as it has on many trips before, that during the Lewis and Clark expedition in 1805 this gorgeous area might have looked much different.
That time my curiosity was peaked and I googled to find out what they really thought about my Columbia gorge during their voyage. As it turns out, they weren't as impressed with it as I expected them to be. However, they also had some significant challenges to deal with which can not be appreciated from the climate controlled seat of one's car.
This was just the beginning. When we arrived at my parents' house that weekend, I was sharing a new book with my mom and came across one of her new books, The Journals of Lewis and Clark. What great timing! After reading little excerpts on google, I had decided to search for a book of more original journals when I got home. My mom wasn't planning on reading it right away (or so she said) and she let me borrow it. It has been somewhat slow reading, but still very interesting.
The real history lesson comes from the combination of books I'm reading/listening to: The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin, for my book club; the aforementioned Journals; and the biographical novel Undaunted Courage. Ben Franklin finishes his autobiography just before the Revolutionary war has been won, and Undaunted Courage picks up a little before then. The three literary works compliment each other nicely and paint a very clear picture of that point in history.
I can easily recall certain dates, names, presidents etc from that time period, a feat that prior to this literary journey I would have failed at miserably. I could actually tell you who the first three presidents of the US are, and what they were famous for! I'm still reading The Journals and Undaunted Courage but have finished Ben Franklin. The history lesson continues!
It has been so fun to truly appreciate history lately. I am soaking it in and enoying the captivation that leads to learning.
Here are some pictures from a visit my family and I look to Fort Clatsop in 2004. Fort Clatsop was where the expedition corps stayed after reaching the Pacific in the winter of 1805 I can't wait to go back again after all of this reading!
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| A bed and fireplace |
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| Beds and candle molds (hanging) |
 |
| This was a demonstration of candle making |
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| My dad (left) and our friends outside the cabins, in the fort |
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| My parents and I, leaving the Fort. |
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| A better idea of what it really looked like. Amazing that they have made this working replica and what an incredible journey that brought the Corps of Discovery there. |
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
con·tent
/kənˈtɛnt/
–adjective
1. satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else.
2. British . agreeing; assenting.
3. Archaic . willing.
–verb (used with object)
4. to make content: These things content me.
–noun
5. the state or feeling of being contented; contentment: His content was threatened.
6. (in the British house of Lords) an affirmative vote or voter.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Origin:
1400–50; late Middle English < Middle French < Latin contentus: satisfied, special use of past participle of continēre; (source)
I am sitting here tonight, on the couch, next to Blake, in silence and this is all I can think. How content I feel.
–adjective
1. satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else.
2. British . agreeing; assenting.
3. Archaic . willing.
–verb (used with object)
4. to make content: These things content me.
–noun
5. the state or feeling of being contented; contentment: His content was threatened.
6. (in the British house of Lords) an affirmative vote or voter.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Origin:
1400–50; late Middle English < Middle French < Latin contentus: satisfied, special use of past participle of continēre; (source)
::
I know, another definition!? So soon!? Sorry. I just like them!
I am sitting here tonight, on the couch, next to Blake, in silence and this is all I can think. How content I feel.
Blake is editing a document for work and I was reading until I decided to waste time on the computer blog. I love nights like this. They are few and far between for several reasons. First, Blake almost never, ever brings work home. I can count maybe three times, including tonight, that it's happened. He also worked late, which is just as uncommon.
In case you are wondering now, what does this elusive husband do (I realized the other day that I don't talk about him much)? He is a chemical engineer and works for a company called WRPS (Washington River Protection Solutions) which is a company that contracts for the Hanford nuclear facility and the Department of Energy. He is part of an engineering group that is working toward nuclear waste clean up at the Hanford site. Hanford (in case you aren't from this area) is where they built the nuclear bombs for WWII and most of the 60,000 nuclear weapons for the Cold War. He isn't exposed to radiation because he works in town at a desk doing math and making the most amazing spreadsheets/graphs/models you've ever seen. Well, if you could see them that is. I've never actually seen them because it's 'CLASSIFIED'. I've never even seen his desk or been in his building because I don't have security clearance. They freely allow my baked goods to enter though, some double standard that is! Anyway. It's pretty interesting to hear about his projects and to hear about what they plan on doing to dispose of all those tons of seeping nuclear waste.
I digress. I got home before him and tidied up the house before I sat down to read. It's a treasured solitary moment when I can read in the evening. Usually, our evenings are filled with the noise of the TV. I could live without the TV, easily. Blake doesn't even want to consider the possibility. He thinks and reads too much at work, he says. Which is probably true. We canceled cable, our goal being that we'd watch less worthless TV, maybe less all together, and save money. Now we just stream Netflix and watch commercial free, back-to-back episodes of whatever series we choose. I think that now we watch more TV. Goal FAIL.
Tonight though, tonight was different. I read in the quiet living room until he came home and announced that a friend's apricot tree might be ripe (they are out of town for months, and we are kindly obliging to pick their fruit when it's ripe.. like we did with the cherries). The apricots weren't ripe but we were out of the house and feeling a little snacky, so we went on a mini-date to happy hour at Bob's Burger's & Brew (if you went to Western, you'll recognize this name. Yes, they've expanded east and are now in Kennewick). We hardly ever go out to eat, we almost never have a night of no TV, we rarely sit in silence (which I love) and I am so rarely ever content! What a randomly special night!
We returned home to the situation I described above. Pure contented bliss. Sitting here with my thoughts, no TV, no background noise, no outside world trying to paw it's way into my head. Just me and my thoughts and my love.
What a rarity but what a joy.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
be·lieve
verb /biˈlēv/
I enjoy reading the Amplified Bible when I'm doing some studying. It takes word meaning and context and builds it into the verse. It basically gives contextual definitions within the passage, which is probably why I love it. I particularly like how the Amplified version defines believe in: "Believe in [cling to, adhere to, rely on, trust in]."
For example:
This word has found it's way into my home in a few different ways:
I like the idea of word signs, but can't usually commit to a saying. I really like this one though. It was a great wedding gift, something I wouldn't have bought myself but ended up being perfect. I think that the gift giver probably meant for it to mean 'believe in love', since it was a wedding gift. I like that it can mean more than one thing, and can fit many situations. To me, it means believe in Jesus, believe in His love, believe in our love, believe in God's design for marriage and believe that we can make it because of these beliefs.
Even though I like the idea, I think that the word signs or phrases/verses written on your wall thing is probably a fad and it might end up dating our house, but it can be done well and can look cute. If we own a house in the near future, I will try to make myself commit to a verse or two ;).
Reading the Amplified Bible, however, is not a fad... although I think it was when it first came out. Now it's just a good study tool. You can see it online at biblegateway.com by selecting this as your translation, it is also available in most Bible apps. Try it out next time you want some deeper understanding of a verse.
- Accept (something) as true; feel sure of the truth of
- the superintendent believed Lancaster's story - Accept the statement of (someone) as true
- he didn't believe her or didn't want to know - Have faith, esp. religious faith
- there are those on the fringes of the Church who do not really believe - Feel sure that (someone) is capable of a particular action
- I wouldn't have believed it of Lois—what an extraordinary woman! - Hold (something) as an opinion; think or suppose
- I believe we've already met
- four men were believed to be trapped
(source)
I enjoy reading the Amplified Bible when I'm doing some studying. It takes word meaning and context and builds it into the verse. It basically gives contextual definitions within the passage, which is probably why I love it. I particularly like how the Amplified version defines believe in: "Believe in [cling to, adhere to, rely on, trust in]."
For example:
Do not let your hearts be troubled [distressed, agitated]. You believe in [adhere to, trust in, and rely on] God; believe in [adhere to, trust in, rely on] Me also. John 14:1
Through Him you believe in [adhere to, rely on] God, who raised Him up from the dead and gave Him honor and glory, so that your faith and hope are [centered and rest] in God. 1 Peter 1:21
And whoever continues to live and believes in [has faith in, cleaves to, and relies on] Me shall never [actually] die at all. John 11:26
For God so greatly loved and dearly prized the world that He [even] gave up His only begotten (unique) Son, so that whoever believes in [trusts in, clings to, relies on] Him shall not perish [come to destruction, be lost] but have eternal [everlasting] life. John 3:16
But to as many as did receive and welcome Him, He gave the authority [power, privilege, right] to become the children of God, that is, to those who believe in [adhere to, trust in and rely on] his name. John 1:12
The scripture says, "no man who believes in Him [who adheres to, relies on, and trusts in Him] will [ever] be put to shame or be disappointed Romans 10:11
This word has found it's way into my home in a few different ways:
 |
| I liked this wedding card, we received it and I've bought it for a few other couples too. |
 |
| I think this sign came with that card, actually. |
 |
| It sits up there in our kitchen |
Even though I like the idea, I think that the word signs or phrases/verses written on your wall thing is probably a fad and it might end up dating our house, but it can be done well and can look cute. If we own a house in the near future, I will try to make myself commit to a verse or two ;).
Reading the Amplified Bible, however, is not a fad... although I think it was when it first came out. Now it's just a good study tool. You can see it online at biblegateway.com by selecting this as your translation, it is also available in most Bible apps. Try it out next time you want some deeper understanding of a verse.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Mere Mortals
C.S. Lewis once said, “You have never talked to a mere mortal.” This quote really made me think when I heard it. We all have an immortal soul. Part of us will continue on for eternity, and eternity is such a long time.
The other day I was thinking that prior to the explorers and missionaries, this American soil was separated from the people we read about in the Bible, but still populated. From what we can tell from the Bible in Genesis 11:9, North America was likely populated after the tower of Babel. So for centuries, this land was inhabited by people that were not followers of the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, much like the other cultures that surrounded the Israelites. The cultures that inhabited North America were pagan.
It makes me wonder what chance these people had. The cultures that lived near the Israelites could at least see the Israelites and were exposed to the one true God. The people on the other continents though, how did they have any hope of learning about our God? Obviously, being near God’s chosen people (or even being God’s chosen people, for that matter) didn’t help the cultures near the Israelites turn toward God. Yet, it seems like the people that were separated by oceans, had no chance to even know our God, to hear about the coming Messiah, or to hear the words of God's prophets. I struggle with this a little bit, but also trust God that He is fair and just and knows the hearts of those immortal souls..
I want to make excuses for those people that didn't have a chance to believe, that didn't live during or after Jesus did. I want to think that they will have some chance to know Jesus. I have to remind myself that God's law is written on our hearts (Romans 2:15): “For what can be known about God is plain to them” (Romans 1:19-21 ESV), and that the heavens proclaim the glory of God (Psalms 19:1-4 NLT). We all have a 'God-shaped hole in our hearts,' as the saying goes.
It is the same for people that choose not to follow God today. He is written on their hearts too. They are faced with the choice to acknowledge or deny God’s existence daily. It is in the littlest of moments that they make this life or death decision. It isn’t a well thought out choice to exclude God from their lives, it’s a choice made a hundred times a day when they could see Him working but instead tell themselves something ‘more logical.’ I see it in the conversations, actions and faces of so many people around me. I see them consider repentance but instead choose pride and self-actualization. I see them ponder intelligent design, but instead choose the poorly understood theories of evolution.
I look at them and I see the greater choice they are making and I think, “but God, they don’t know what they are doing. They don't realize the depth of the choice they just made. They don’t see that they are believing the pernicious lie that Satan is feeding them. God, how can they make such a decision, without realizing it." Yet, again I recall the words of Paul, 'God is plain to them.' His law is written on their hearts and our Father knows their hearts. He knows when they are choosing Him and when they aren't. He is just and faithful to forgive, just as he forgave me. He doesn't give up on their immortal souls.
I return to what C.S. Lewis said (sorry for the long quote, but it is worth the read):
I have a tendency to think that a person has made their choice and there is no hope in sharing the love of Christ with them. This is so wrong! I am so often reminded that to our Father in heaven, we are precious. He knit us together in our mother's womb and He does not give up on our immortal soul's easily. His grace and forgiveness are extended to us at every hour of our lives. There is always hope in Jesus!
The other day I was thinking that prior to the explorers and missionaries, this American soil was separated from the people we read about in the Bible, but still populated. From what we can tell from the Bible in Genesis 11:9, North America was likely populated after the tower of Babel. So for centuries, this land was inhabited by people that were not followers of the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, much like the other cultures that surrounded the Israelites. The cultures that inhabited North America were pagan.
It makes me wonder what chance these people had. The cultures that lived near the Israelites could at least see the Israelites and were exposed to the one true God. The people on the other continents though, how did they have any hope of learning about our God? Obviously, being near God’s chosen people (or even being God’s chosen people, for that matter) didn’t help the cultures near the Israelites turn toward God. Yet, it seems like the people that were separated by oceans, had no chance to even know our God, to hear about the coming Messiah, or to hear the words of God's prophets. I struggle with this a little bit, but also trust God that He is fair and just and knows the hearts of those immortal souls..
I want to make excuses for those people that didn't have a chance to believe, that didn't live during or after Jesus did. I want to think that they will have some chance to know Jesus. I have to remind myself that God's law is written on our hearts (Romans 2:15): “For what can be known about God is plain to them” (Romans 1:19-21 ESV), and that the heavens proclaim the glory of God (Psalms 19:1-4 NLT). We all have a 'God-shaped hole in our hearts,' as the saying goes.
It is the same for people that choose not to follow God today. He is written on their hearts too. They are faced with the choice to acknowledge or deny God’s existence daily. It is in the littlest of moments that they make this life or death decision. It isn’t a well thought out choice to exclude God from their lives, it’s a choice made a hundred times a day when they could see Him working but instead tell themselves something ‘more logical.’ I see it in the conversations, actions and faces of so many people around me. I see them consider repentance but instead choose pride and self-actualization. I see them ponder intelligent design, but instead choose the poorly understood theories of evolution.
I look at them and I see the greater choice they are making and I think, “but God, they don’t know what they are doing. They don't realize the depth of the choice they just made. They don’t see that they are believing the pernicious lie that Satan is feeding them. God, how can they make such a decision, without realizing it." Yet, again I recall the words of Paul, 'God is plain to them.' His law is written on their hearts and our Father knows their hearts. He knows when they are choosing Him and when they aren't. He is just and faithful to forgive, just as he forgave me. He doesn't give up on their immortal souls.
I return to what C.S. Lewis said (sorry for the long quote, but it is worth the read):
____________________________________________________________________________
It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no 'ordinary' people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilisations -- these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whome we joke with, work with, marry, snub and exploit -- immortal horrors or everlasting splendours. This does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn. We must play. But our merriment must be of that kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously -- no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption. And our charity must be a real and costly love, with deep feeling for the sins in spite of which we love the sinner -- no mere tolerance or indulgence which parodies love as flippancy parodies merriment. - C.S. Lewis From: The Weight of Glory (Source)
____________________________________________________________________________
I have a tendency to think that a person has made their choice and there is no hope in sharing the love of Christ with them. This is so wrong! I am so often reminded that to our Father in heaven, we are precious. He knit us together in our mother's womb and He does not give up on our immortal soul's easily. His grace and forgiveness are extended to us at every hour of our lives. There is always hope in Jesus!
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