(Un)Employment

So as you may know, I am a speech-language pathologist. I used to work in schools and nursing homes (SNFs) and always had entirely too many places of employment at one time. I was always busy and working. Mostly I couldn't say no when there was money to be had. Also, I love what I do. I couldn't imagine not doing it. I figured I'd be one of those moms that worked a couple days a week just to keep my sanity and skills up. I thought, 'what would I ever do if I didn't work... I'd go crazy!'

Once I was finished with the 2008-2009 school year in June, 2009, I quit all my jobs and moved home with my parents for the month of July. We got married August 1st and then I moved to Tri-Cities with Blake after our wonderful honeymoon. I didn't work for the months of July and August, but they were very busy months so it didn't seem strange.

I was forever done working in the schools (if I could help it) and decided to work for a contracting agency doing local contracts. I also said I'd try to have only one job at a time, in order to focus on being a wife. Ha! Little did I know, that wouldn't be a problem.

My first contract was awesome. I worked in outpatient pediatrics, with the occasional adult patient here and there, at a great hospital in Richland. It was definitely my favorite setting to work in so far (I still haven't done home health though). I loved working with kids and loved the no IEP, no report card, no meetings aspect of it. I love that the kids come to me, no tracking them down and no making up minutes when they don't come.
I got the contract at the hospital because they had hired several people that couldn't start until later in the Fall. So when my 13 weeks was up, there was no chance they'd extend me and my staffing manager couldn't find  anything else in the area. I considered taking a travel assignment in Moses Lake or Colfax but just couldn't bring myself to live apart from Blake four months after finally getting to live with him, in the same town and house.

So it was unemployment for me.

A week off was nice, two weeks okay, three was boring and by the fourth week I was sleeping till three pm and staying up until all hours of the morning. I was so sick of TV. About a month of wasted days and barely waking up in time to make dinner when Blake got home from work. It was pretty sad.

I was still going to Women's Bible study Tuesday nights. Sometimes I would barely get up and shower in time to make it to study at 6:30 pm. That was rock bottom. It's so fortunate that I did have Women's study, or I'd have had no direction and not much for support. Blake wasn't happy that I slept all day and really, neither was I.

Come January, I had to do something. I stopped feeling sorry for myself, first off. I also made myself get up and out of bed when Blake did and used that time to read my Bible and do my Bible study homework. This was the beginning of my heart transformation.

I started to realize how selfish and faithless I had been. My attitude had been horrible. I was so proud and so blind... Still!

It was through those morning hours in my Bible, through emails with godly women and through conversations during our small group time at Bible study that I saw how far from my walk with God I had wandered. More on that later maybe.

It was during this time of unemployment that I learned to have faith and lean on God again. This was the second ring of my wake-up call.

Unemployment taught me that I am not what I do. Although I do believe that God had a purpose in me being an SLP, I certainly fit the description, and love it... This did not define me. My success, income and knowledge did not make me who I was, it was not my worth. I was not lost without it. HE defined me.

Unemployment taught me to surrender to God, to trust Him to provide for our family, to have faith in HIS greater purpose and to praise Him in that situation.

Most importantly, unemployment taught me to share these things with my husband. We had to have faith together. We had to pray about this together. We needed to learn how to deal with issues together and with God's will and plan in mind... not our own!

Eventually I did find work. At the end of February I had a new contract at a SNF in Hermiston, OR. It opened suddenly and I filled it just as quickly. This was the Lord's provision and I rejoiced in it!

I began a new chapter of work with a renewed heart and renewed faith. Unemployment was a weird thing, and certainly not something I ever thought I'd experience as an SLP! This was clearly another way that God was working in our hearts and marriage to help us get started off on the right foot. I think that if it had not been for that period of time with a tight budget and a stark reality of just how much debt we had.. We wouldn't be on the path we're on now. We would have easily been pulled back into our pride and materialism and selfishness. God knew, as He always does, that we needed some more time in the desert to make good habits and for Pete's sake to trust HIM!

God's Country Revisited

It's an inside joke now between my brother, Jared, and I about Tri-Cities being "God's country." It only took him one week of staying here to realize that it's just a windy desert. You can read the whole story here.

After living here for a while now, I thought I should revisit the issue. Now that my heart has softened and my attitude improved. The irony of this joke is that in the end, this is God's country; it's the land He chose for us during this time of our lives. God not only met us here, He purposed to bring us here. Kicking and screaming on my part, but still He had a bigger plan for our lives and marriage and He knew this was where we needed to be. Despite my fight, He didn't give up on me.

I moved in with Blake when we got back from our honeymoon in August. We had already found a church but hadn't really 'plugged' in yet. I knew I needed to, and wanted to, get involved in a small group of some sort but wasn't sure how. Also I desperately wanted to make some friends that were also believers. Women's Bible study was starting in September and I debated about going. I sat there the night it was starting and went back and forth about if it would be the right fit for me (I know, I hadn't even been yet). It just sounded like an old lady's study. Something about the title 'Women's Bible study' made me think of old ladies sitting around talking about these young kids and their crazy music (or whatever). Now I realize how silly that mental image was. Our church is pretty modern and the older ladies that do attend are nothing like that!

Anyway, so finally Blake said, "Just go! You know you should at least check it out and it'll be good for you." So I went. Of course it was awesome and totally what I needed (and totally age appropriate). The book they were using for the study was called Live Fearlessly: A Study in the Book of Joshua. It was about Joshua's leadership of the Israelites out of the desert and into the promise land. This Bible study was the start of my journey back towards Christ. Previously, my journey had been slowly, slowly, slowly away from Christ and toward the world. This study made me first realize that I had not been open to God's will for my location. It was the first ring in my wake-up call.

At the time I laughed about how here I was in the 'desert', just like the Israelites were in the desert. I liked to think of my time wandering in this desert as a punishment for my lack of faith and trust in God for my future. I also liked to think of a 'promise land' that I could enter through faithfully following God's leading... surely that couldn't be here!

Now I realize that anywhere God brings you and anything He brings you through is the promise land*. The desert may be a desert but that doesn't mean it's a punishment.. and even if it is discipline, it's meant to lead you closer to Him. I am both in the desert and in my promise land. He daily fulfills the promise that if I seek Him, He will be found by me. He fulfills the promise to show me which path to take if I don't lean on my own understanding. He has promised to forgive my repentant heart and to fill me with His joy. Better is one day in His courts, than a thousand elsewhere!

It's sad for me to look back on my attitude and to see how I had slowly changed to be more like the world instead of clinging to Jesus and His love. I think about how hard I fought with my pride and selfish plans. But. I’m glad to have learned the lesson, because I can also look back and see God’s hand in my life when I have surrendered to Him. It’s amazing to look back and see how He protected me and replanted me, when I didn’t deserve it.

This truly is, God’s country!

*Promise Land: I use this metaphorically only. I realize that God's promise to the Israelites is a literal promise, and a literal land described in detail in the Old Testament.