Day 26: Warm Fuzzies

Full prompt: What are some things that make you feel warm and fuzzy.

I love warm fuzzies! Here are a few things that come to mind:

• Of course Emerson makes me feel warm and fuzzy, and most other babies too. She has certain looks or mannerisms that make me stop and just smile, hug her and get all warm and fuzzy and emotional.
• Foggy mornings that don't include going anywhere
• Pathways. Especially those lined with trees and winding.
• Nostalgia and positive memories
• Seeing other people, especially close people, love and enjoy Emerson.
• Blessing other people. Even if this is just stopping and talking to an elderly person (this is one of my favorite things about being a SAHM, shopping in the daytime and taking time for elderly shoppers. Be it stopping for them to see Emerson, just saying hi and how are you nice and slowly or maybe helping them out with something.. I love having the time to be patient with them and I hope that the attention blesses them), doing something for another person with the intent of showing Christ's love to them (even if I don't label it as such) just sends warm fuzzies from my head to my toes.
• Hot beverages and fireplaces, either individually or together.
• Looking through pictures of memories with Blake.
• The color gray... okay and white too.
• Knitting
• Sentimental items like quilts people made Emerson or the baby clothes my mom made me or a little gift Blake brought home.
• Love notes on the mirror

Day 25: Personal Entry - The Crunchies

A little over a year ago, I found this quiz after reading this post from a friend's blog. At the time I scored a 'Pretty Crispy' (based on my assumed choices later in life). Now that I've actually had a baby I could answer more questions for real (there were still a few about weaning and tandem nursing that I have to guess on) and I came out as 'Super Nutty, Ultra-Crunchy, Granola Earth Mama!' (175). I'm not saying that I'm proud or that my goal is to be super-granola or anything.. it's just funny the difference that a year makes. 

Four years ago I was just health conscious. Up to a year-ish ago, I hadn't even heard the term 'crunchy' until I google searched it and found that quiz. I used to refer to crunchies as 'granolas', which was strongly associated with the people from Fairhaven at WWU. My family growing up was pretty down-to-earth and healthy but not in any way what you would think of as crunchy/granola/hippy. I've realized that over time, like the association or not.. I am crunchy. However, I do try to be what I am without looking too much like it on the outside. As in, it is what I do but not 'who I am'. I'm not wearing advocacy tees or hoping that people know I make my own deodorant.. the point is to be all of this that we label crunchy but still live a normal life and hopefully look fairly normal. If I'm going to 'look like something' or be an advocate for something, I hope it's representing Christ well. 

Even though all the extensive and sometimes conflicting information can be overwhelming, I try to take it all in stride. My priorities go like this: God/faith, health, frugality, sanity, planet, fun (I know... fun last, but at least it made the list!). Now, Blake's priorities go a little differently (probably God/faith, fun, frugality, health, sanity, planet) ;), but we make our compromises where we need to, and he trusts me to be the keeper of our home and family. We balance each other out well and our kids will be so thankful that daddy puts 'fun' way higher on the list than mommy ;).

I try to just adapt new changes one at a time and of course, I try to do my research too. My one-at-a-time philosophy has been adapted a little lately because sometimes with a baby things come at you faster than that. However, when it's in my control I try not to take on too much at a time. I'm not too worried about when I get to the next things, but I just try to keep working towards being a little healthier, day by day. If I can incorporate one thing into our daily lives before adding another, it helps to keep living natural actually feel natural instead of burdensome. 

I guess I sort of break it into categories: personal care/household items, food, baby, healing/medicine (or lack thereof) and other. So right now I'm trying out no shampoo for personal care (using baking soda sparingly and ACV rinses), I just started making (growing?) kombucha for food, in baby we're cutting back on soap baths and using just water more (we just use baby castile soap, but I used to use it every other day and really she doesn't need soaped that often) and in healing/medicine I'm figuring out a realistic or practical (i.e. keeping my sanity) way to deal with our MTHFR and trying to replace OTCs/mainstream remedies with essential oils or natural remedies. There are several things in each category that I want to try or incorporate, but I just can't do it all at once and that's okay. Sanity trumps at some point ;) (and so does our budget!). 

These projects might take me weeks to move on from, or they might take months. And if at some point any or all of this starts to take precedence over our relationship with God or showing Christ's love to others, then these things take a back burner. God wants us to be good stewards and treat our bodies as temples, but He also wants us to put Him first, trust Him and be others-centered. If I get cancer because I was serving God and didn't have time to keep up with fighting free radicals.. well then I trust Him to get me through it. God trumps everything.

So, all that said.. here are some of the projects I hope to take on eventually (in no particular order):

  Dishwasher detergent

  Monthly menu planning/fewer shopping trips 

  Oil cleansing method of skin care

  Homemade toothpaste (either this one or I'm leaning more towards clay toothpaste)

  Sprouting grains/sprouted grain flour

  Makeup makeover.. make my own vs finding better brands

  Fermenting foods

  Green juicing as part of vitamin supplementation (or being more consistent in juicing anyway)

  MTHFR supplementation regimen streamlined

  Essential oils in cooking

  Reduce our energy consumption

  Unpaper towels

  Incorporate liver into our diet (!!?!) for its high vitamin content

And really, the list goes on.. but that's a taste of it. I won't give you a list of the things we've changed or accomplished because that just feels like bragging :). 

It's kind of like a life-long hobby to see how I can make us healthier, while hopefully saving money (isn't it crazy how so many of the healthy alternatives are cheaper - like baking soda is super cheap but has a billion uses). I don't let it control our lives and I try to keep it from overwhelming me. It's not a contest, it just what we can do with what we have. It's our story being written as we live it. Sure, I may look back and realize that something I thought was healthy really isn't so healthy, or maybe I'll never quite get to that simple change that other people have been doing for years.. it's okay. I can only do what I can do, and I'm okay with that. 

I know sometimes it's easy to compare ourselves with where we're at in our journey to where other people are at in theirs, but remember - we all have different strengths and weaknesses. For everything that intimidates me about another person, I remember that {usually} they feel intimidated about something else in other people and everyone has something their working on (whether they know it or not). My to-do list might be longer than some in this area but maybe it's shorter in another area. At least that is how I navigate the Pinterest driven world we live in ;) and in thinking so, I can just be happy for and learn from other people. No pressure, lots of grace!

Day 19: Places I've Lived

Also, an account of how many times I've moved

1. Yacolt, Wa. I lived in the house that my parents built until I was 11. In fact, my mom went into labor when my dad was doing the insulation.
2. Pine Haven, Wy. We moved for about four months when I was in 4th grade.
3. Yacolt, Wa. Back to our house for the rest of 4th grade and most of 5th grade.
4. Longview, Wa. My family moved to a rental house in Longview while we built our new house.
5. Buhl, Idaho. I went to live with my aunt, uncle and cousins in Idaho for the rest of 5th grade and some of summer.
6. Rose Valley (Kelso), Wa. We moved into our new house.
7. Bellingham, Wa. I moved into the Alpha dorm at Western Washington University.
8. Kelso, Wa. Back home for the summer.
9. Bellingham, Wa. Back to Alpha dorm for my second year of college.
10. Kelso, Wa. Back home for the summer
11. Bellingham, Wa. My third and final year I lived in a house called The Mansion, with 9 or 10 other women.
12. Oakesdale, Wa. I moved in with a girl from The Mansion. Her family had a wheat farm and I was planning on going to school in Spokane after my year off.
13. Spokane Valley, Wa. I moved in with a girl from work towards the end of my year off and through part of my first (summer) semester of grad school.
14. Spokane, Wa. I lived in an apartment on the South Hill. Ironically, I found my roommate online and she was the best roommate I've ever had. She was going to grad school on my same campus and getting her degree in physical therapy.
15. Bainbridge Island, Wa. I did my internships in Bainbridge (schools) and Silverdale/Bremerton (hospital). I lived with my gracious aunt and uncle through my internships and until the end of the summer.
16. Mercer Island, Wa. My first apartment. Oh how I loved that place.
17. Kelso, Wa. I moved home for the month before our wedding.
18. Kennewick, Wa. Our first home together, I moved in after our honeymoon. It was the perfect first home/apartment to start our marriage in.
19. Richland, Wa. Our current location. What a blessing it has been! I can't wait to see what God has in store for us next.

And there you have it. Oohh the places I've been!

Day 18: Addictions

Lately I find myself 'addicted' to a few things:

1. Dark Chocolate with A Touch of Sea Salt by Lindt. There's a store in town that sells it for fifty cents less than other stores, but it's pretty far across town. So I allow myself to get five bars and that has to last until the next time I'm over there. Today another grocery store had them on sale for eighty-three cents cheaper and that meant I could get six for the usual price of five... but alas that store is also far away and I couldn't come up with a good excuse to get over there.
   
2. Sparkling water, as mentioned in a previous post, I'm so in love with Orange LaCroix sparkling water, specifically. Which is kind of unfortunate because I haven't found a store that regularly stocks it. I only found it on special once when a store brought in more than usual and made an end of the isle display. I also like lemon, which is readily available, so I try to space the oranges out. Next time I am low I'm going to try peach-pear and maybe coconut!
   
3. My daughter's cheeks! I can't get enough of those squishy little pillows of sweetness!
   
4. Julie's Frozen Yogurt bars. They are organic, 120 calories and actually healthier than most fruit flavored yogurt (which, to be fair I don't usually eat. I'm a 50/50 vanilla/plain girl) when you consider grams of sugar. Costco used to sell them and Blake and I were both addicted to them. To be honest, I considered it a meal when I first had Emerson.. it was easy to eat and well, it was something in my stomach on days when it was hard to find time or energy to fix or eat anything. Now we have to pay standard retail so we only get them when they're on sale.
   
5. Raw milk. I know {gasp}, the horror. It's so controversial but all I can say is I can drink it and I feel better when I do. I used to be varying degrees of lactose intolerant, but with raw milk, it's so full of probiotics that it helps me digest it, and most of the other things I eat. Which results in a happier GI tract in general. There's a grocery store here that sells it from a licensed local farm. You can only get it in 'whole' and the amount of cream at top varies, but again, it's worth it. Mmm.
   
6. Big girl baths. I know it wastes a lot of water but I LOVE taking a big girl bath with Emerson. It's so fun to soak in the tub and watch her splash and smile. Before having her I could count on one hand the number of baths I'd taken since ... I was a kid I suppose. I usually start out with a little hot water and epsom salts and soak for a bit without her touching the water, then I dilute that with water that is more her temp and hopefully the epsom salts are diluted enough for her too. I've always wondered if it would be bad or good for her to soak in salts too but I'm not willing to try without finding out first. Ahh just thinking about it makes me want to take a bath tomorrow! I generally limit it to one per week, and usually save it for after our Wednesday morning hike. 

Day 5: The Meaning Behind Your Blog Name

The Speechaholic

I dread coming up with names for things. I tried to start an etsy store a million times but always got stuck on the name. It took me a year to start this blog because of the name.

The Speechaholic came about because at the time that I started this blog I lived, breathed, ate and drank speech therapy. I had two or more jobs and loved what I did. I also talked... a lot... and so it seemed fitting. I was addicted speech therapy and speaking. My goal was to be the best speech-language pathologist in the world (then I lowered my goal to just the USA, and then even lower to just at my place of work) ;). I wanted to write textbooks and get my PhD. I wanted to change the world.

I knew I wanted to be a speech therapist since my junior year in high school. One of my elective classes was to volunteer at a special needs preschool (that happened to be housed on our high school campus). I was working with a little boy with Autism (who is probably about 18 now!) and one day his speech therapist came in to work with him. I loved how she interacted with him and how she explained her goals and activities to me. The next week I had come up with some new ways to work on her goals with him and she was impressed. She told me I should look into speech therapy and that I would be good at it. Before this, I thought I'd just be a teacher because I like helping people/kids learn and I didn't really know what else to be. This SLP (who's name I can't remember but I do remember her face) continued to encourage me through my junior year and by the end of the year I'd started figuring out which colleges had the best speech therapy programs.

The thing I love about speech therapy is that it combines science and language (and mostly no math!). I love that you needed to know  everything from muscles and neuroanatomy to grammar and vocabulary. I love that you can work with a variety of ages and in a variety of settings. I felt like my brain was made for the field and it just fit me.

It has been a rewarding career with it's ups and downs due to paperwork and red tape, but overall I'm so thankful that I have the training and experience. Someday I'll pick it up again and maybe I'll still write a book or get my Phd. Maybe I'll still change the world... one kid at a time ;).

Day 4: Likes/Dislikes

10 Likes:

1. Period British Movies
2. Dark Chocolate with A Touch of Sea Salt by Lindt
3. Toffee Nut Lattes (with Salted Caramel coming in at a very close second)
4. The color gray
5. Pumpkin pastries
6. Farmer's markets
7. Puzzles
8. Snowflakes
9. Down pillows
10. Sunsets

10 Dislikes:

1. Stickiness
2. Earwigs
3. Mixing my foods together
4. Toes (mostly other people's)
5. Peas
6. Dub Step or heavy metal
7. When people use numbers n single letters 4 words in text n email (is there a name 4 that?)
8. Perfume
9. Nail biting
10. Profanity

My History Lessons

My cousin did this on her blog and I instantly wanted to copy the idea. I didn't do it very instantly, but I'm finally getting around to it. School starts tomorrow and in honor of the last day of summer break I'm going through my elementary school history.

Me playing Jill of Jack and Jill

Kindergarten
School: Yacolt Primary
Teacher: Mrs. Harp
Memories: I loved kindergarten and Mrs Harp was the quintessential kinder teacher. We played with cardboard brick-looking blocks and had a 'house' center that I loved to pretend to cook in. We made tons of fun art projects and on the last day of school, after all the students left and my mom and I were in Mrs. Harp's room (which was special), I lost my first tooth.

First Grade
School: Yacolt Primary
Teacher: Mrs. Miller
Memories: This year I was out in a brown portable. I don't remember much from this year except getting my hair cut with my awesome owl scissors by another student.

Second Grade
School: Yacolt Primary
Teacher: Mrs. Belt
Memories: I remember making peanut butter dough to break into little balls and use in learning my times tables. I just remember that it was so delicious and after we were done using it for math, we got to take it home with us and eat it. I remember eating most of it while waiting for my brother to be done with tae kwon do.

First day of school

Third Grade 
School: Yacolt Primary
Teacher: Mrs. Belt/Mom
Memories: I think this was the year (and maybe last year too) that I was home schooled part time and went to school part time. I also remember making a diorama of the solar system. This year my class was a 2/3 split and I remember I enjoyed helping the second graders with their work. I also remember doing almost anything I could to avoid recess. At home we did all kinds of hands-on learning, specifically during a pioneer unit. Things like making our own butter and washing clothes on a wash-board.

Working hard.

Fourth Grade
School: Homeschool in Wyoming/Yacolt Primary
Teacher: Mom/Mrs. Cushing
Memories: This year we moved to Wyoming for part of the year, and we were homeschooled. In WY we lived in this tiny little town that had a tiny little library. It was always a treat to walk down to the library and get to rent a new movie, most of which were John Wayne movies. When we moved back to Washington I was in Mrs. Cushing's class. We studied the Iditarod race and followed it very closely, I think because she was from Alaska.

Nap time, even in fifth grade.

Fifth Grade 93-94
School: Home/Immanuel Lutheran
Teacher: My mom/Mr. Barenclau & Mrs. B.
Memories: I loved being home schooled. My mom also babysat my best friend's little brother (who's mother was a teacher) and it was the best motivation ever to get my work done early. During this year  I also went to Idaho and finished the last month or so of the school year there. I had two teachers there and don't remember one of their names, just that they both started with a B. I remember feeling like going to the private school didn't matter, since in my mind, I had already done 5th grade at home with my mom. So I wasn't too worried about learning. In turns out that my teachers somehow thought that I was living with my cousins because my parents didn't want me and my poor motivation was because of that! We never did figure out where they got that impression.

Sixth Grade 94-95
School: Longview Christian
Teacher: Mrs. Schmunk
Memories: This was my favorite year of school. I made friends that I still have today and learned several life lessons. I loved my teacher and her love for teaching inspired me. She was the first person that ever insisted on calling me Jillian. I always liked my full name but my family and friends had only ever called me Jill. Mrs. Schmunk liked Jillian too, and I loved that she used it. It was in sixth grade that I realized I liked being the teacher's pet, and I liked being a good student. This year set the stage for the rest of my academic career.

So, What's It Like?

To be married to me?

This summer I met with a group of women to go through the book What's It Like to be Married to Me?: and Other Dangerous Questions. It was an encouraging experience. This book provided a nice outline to discuss marriage and to challenge ourselves to become better wives.

Although it wasn't quite as dangerous as I expected, reading and discussing this book with friends was a blessing. The topics, or dangerous questions, were thought provoking and helped us to think about our marriages from a different perspective. It is also very helpful that the author provides a study guide in the back of the book. My only criticism would be that some of her stories/examples are a little extreme and harder to relate to for the average wife. Other than those few exceptions, Linda Dillow does a great job in tying together scripture, personal experience, literature and examples from other women. While it was no dangerous sledgehammer to the forehead, it served as an encouraging reminder of what's important in life and in my marriage.

I thought I'd give you the dangerous questions (i.e., chapters) and some of my insights from them (where appropriate), both to share with you and to remind myself later! I had intended to do this as I went through the book, but instead it's all going in one (long) post.. sorry!

Intro: By Design, Not Default
Talks about why you married, what you expect out of marriage and what your examples of marriage were from your childhood and young adulthood. This chapter also discusses, most importantly, why should we look into ourselves and how we could change instead of looking at our husband's weaknesses (not that we ever do that.. right?). I needed this chapter to snap me out of selfishness. As I was starting this book I thought, why am I always reading marriage books and improving myself as a wife and Blake isn't reading husband books... An obvious example of why I needed to do this book study!

1. What is really important to me?
What do my choices say, what are my priorities? I found that the answers to these questions really depended on the season of life we're in. When I'm not working, I can easily make Blake a priority, however, when there are demands like two jobs or someday little kids, it's not as easy - but just as important - to make sure my marriage and husband are a priority. Jesus said it best in Matt. 22:37-39 : Love God first and your neighbor as yourself.. well, who is your closest neighbor? Your husband!

This chapter challenged us to write a purpose statement for our marriage, and also gave some great examples of what God did in women's lives who chose to put their marriage at the top of their list.

So as the book suggested I chose to adapt a scripture for my marriage purpose statement:
1 Corinthians 13:1-7 *I had to write my own for the exercise, but also love The Message version)
If I'm well read and well spoken in every area, but don't love Blake, then my words would only be white noise.
If I was as spiritually adept as Paul, and understood all of God's plans and ways, if I had faith that could move mountains, but didn't love Blake, I would be nothing.
If I worked night and day for the poor, the fatherless and the widows, if I rose at dawn and worked til all hours of the night, but if I didn't love my husband more, then I would have gained nothing. 

I will be patient with and kind to Blake
I will not be jealous of him or boastful to him or proud or rude to him .
I will not demand my own way.
I will not be irritable, and will not keep a record of when I am wronged by him. 
I will not rejoice in the injustice he experiences but will rejoice whenever the truth wins out. 

I will never give up on our marriage, I will never lose faith in God's design for our love, I will always be hopeful for the best in our lives and I will endure through every circumstance life brings us.

Stone of Help

EBENEZER is a combination of two Hebrew words that means stone of help.

In 1 Samuel 7:12, it says, “Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Jeshanah, and named it Ebenezer; for he said, 'Thus far the LORD has helped us.'”

In Joshua 4:1-9, Joshua instructs one man from each of the twelve tribes of Israel to set up a stone in the middle of the Jordan River as a memorial to the children of Israel that the Lord had brought them into the promise land.

In both instances the Israelites set up memorial stones in order to remember the Lord’s help, the Lord’s blessings, and the Lord’s faithfulness after a time of trial and hardship. They also set up these memorial stones so that they could teach their children about all that the Lord had done for them. Whenever I think about a memorial stone, the words of the hymn Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing play through my mind. Particularly verse 2, and the words: "Here I raise mine Ebenezer; hither by thy help I’m come" which is the inspiration behind this little post (and the encouragement and example of a friend).

If you remember from this post I've been thinking about how I can remember my time of working once it's over. I know that once I'm knee deep in laundry, crying toddlers and dirty dishes I'll sound just like the Israelites after God miraculously delivered them from slavery (see Exodus 16) when all they can do is complain about missing the food in Egypt. Time and time again we see it in the Bible, and in human nature - the grass is always greener, how soon we forget where we came from and how we got where we are today.

I want to remember that we endured this time because God sustained us and blessed us. It was rough, but didn't overtake us. And now, we've made it through!

In an effort to put something tangible behind the memory, I stopped on my way home from my last day of work in Pendleton and picked out a few stones. I'm kind of combining the two concepts of an Ebenezer and memorial stones. I knew that if I picked up a small stone, more appropriate for an Ebenezer, it would get lost in the shuffle over time. I thought long and hard about a creative way to display a stone over time that will still serve the purpose of bringing to mind all that the Lord has done for me and reminding me of the journey that it took to be a stay at home mom (someday).  Ultimately, I picked out three stones that I could put in a conspicuous place, like in a garden, flowerbed or bookshelf.

Where my stones came from.

Where they are now.

The lighter/smaller stone has the Hebrew for Ebenezer written on it.

Free

It is a tradition I started my first quarter of undergrad and have continued on through graduate school and the years that I've worked at a school. After the last final, the last class or the last report - whatever would mark the end of that term - I would go back to my room and blare Tom Petty's Free Falling. At some point I switched to John Mayer's cover version but the tradition remains the same.

Yesterday was my last day of work for the school year and so I continue to celebrate the end of a long year with Mr. Petty's famous words. I'll reflect more on this later I'm sure, but for now I just have one simple thought:

Now I'm free, free fallin', fallin'

Now I'm free, free fallin', fallin'

Ya I'm free, free fallin', fallin'

Now I'm free, free fallin', fallin'

Free fallin', fallin'

Free fallin', fallin'

Free fallin', fallin'


(this is the John Mayer version)

Summer Goals

Summer always goes so fast. It seems like the weekends are filled up before it starts and the weeks evaporate like the water dripping from our air conditioner.

I always have such big plans for summer, despite trying to keep in perspective that it is really only 11 weeks (in my case). My job in Pendleton ends sometime at the end of June (just before we move) and school doesn't start again until the last week of August. That leaves several weeks that I won't be working. As awesome as it sounds to have several weeks to unpack and settle into the new place, I know that this summer will be no different. Time will fly if I'm not purposeful in how I spend it.

In an effort to force some accountability, I'm sharing my summer goals here.

1. Learn Spanish

There is an online course I found that seems pretty thorough and affordable. They also offer a specific course geared toward educators, which is what I am going to take since I have some foundation of the language. It's a move-at-your-own-pace kind of class, so I have to be diligent in staying on top of it.

2. Read Through the Bible in 90 Days

I'll use an app on my phone that has great reading plans. We used a plan from this app to stay on track with a chronological one-year plan that Blake and I did together. It's helpful in sending reminders and tracking your progress. It's a little bit of a lofty goal and quite a bit of reading everyday. I've started this plan before and wasn't able to finish it. However, I'm determined to do it this summer, before our trip to Israel. I started June 3rd, and if I finish on-time I'll end on August 31st. If I don't finish on-time, then I'll still finish before we go on our trip. I think I have a better chance of finishing it, since I won't be working through most of it.

3. Organize

We'll move in the last weekend of June and I really hope that I can get us all settled in, organized and unpacked this summer. I know that sounds like plenty of time but I think we were in our apartment over a year before I unpacked the last box. It's so easy to get just the essentials unpacked and then move on with life. I'm not sure how much we'll decide to keep boxed up and store, since we will be moving out in 18-23 months. We'll play it by ear. I'd like to still decorate etc, since even 18 months is a long time in the end, but there might be things that I decide aren't worth unpacking. Either way, I just want it to be organized. :)

4. Training

We are doing a pretty big hike in August. You can read about some of our other hikes here, we are by no means experts or mountaineers, but we love the outdoors. In August, for our third anniversary no less, we are hiking to the Enchantment Lakes. From the Snow Creek Trailhead to Snow Lakes (where we will be camping) it is 8 miles and 3800 feet of elevation gain. From Snow Lakes to Lake Viviane (the first of the Lower Enchantment Lakes that we'll encounter) it is another 1.5 miles and 1400 feet in elevation gain. By the time we've made it past Lake Viviane and up around the Upper and Lower Enchantment Lakes, we'll have gained about 6000 total feet in elevation. Our plan is to hike to Snow Lakes and set up camp, then day hiking around the Enchantments for the duration of our stay. Although we love backpacking and try to fit in as many hikes and backpacking trips as we can each summer, I'm not that great at hiking up incline. I am downright  S L O W.  It will take a very concerted effort to drop every possible unnecessary ounce from my pack to make it a little easier on myself. However, even on a day hike, with no major pack, I'm pretty slow up a hill.
My goal is to train by getting proficient at walking (with a full pack) on the treadmill at full incline, and to do some weight training that strengthens my leg muscles. If I lose some weight.. bonus, that's fewer ounces for me to haul up that mountainside. However, my goal is to make my legs and cardiovascular system a little more efficient at getting up a hill. I'm telling you people, you've never seen a slower person when it comes to incline! I really, really, really hope that some training will make a difference.

5. Be a Better Wife
Working two jobs outside the home and being gone more hours than Blake each week has taken it's toll. It causes some role reversal and shifts expectations. I'm ready to settle back into the role of a good little wife with dinner on the table and chores finished before he gets home from work (and hopefully some of the tings from 1-4 above accomplished!). Two summers ago I did a book study of The Excellent Wife (Great book, can't give it a high enough recommendation). This summer some of the same ladies, some new ladies and some of my new neighbors are going to go through the book What's It Like to Be Married to Me?: And Other Dangerous Questions. It will be scary but I'm sure eye opening, rear kicking and, hopefully, heart changing. I love how our marriage has grown and thrived (thanks in part to good parent models, good friend models, The Excellent Wife intervention early on, and lots of God's grace) thus far, but I'm looking forward to how God will stretch me/us through this study. Stay tuned, I'm sure I'll be hashing some things out here.

Okay, those are the serious goals, now for the less serious ones:

6. Daily Photography Challenge

I'd like to participate in a daily photography challenge, probably in July, since I'll have the best chance of being unemployed during the entire month. I'm participating in a photography challenge now that requires about two photos per week. It is perfect for life right now and I'm loving it. It has pushed me to think about how I approach a picture differently, and has helped me get shots of things I wouldn't normally think to take photos of. I'll post some pictures as I go.

7. Knitting
I always think of great gifts to knit for people in December... when there is not enough time to knit them. So this summer I hope to plan and start some knitting projects with Christmas in mind! I'd also love to finish the sweater that I started for myself last spring.. and maybe be able to wear it this fall. Maybe.


8. Wake Up
If you remember this post, or you have been in the same house with me overnight, then you'll remember that this is a challenge for me. I hope that this summer I can manage my time well, starting with getting up at a decent hour... preferably when Blake leaves because I wake up best when there's a person there to interact with, but 7:00 AM is a little early for my taste.. especially in the summer. We'll see. Wish me luck!

9. Blog!
This month marks my unofficial blogiversary, as it was last June that I really got into blogging. Technically my blogiversary is in January and it was three years this January.. but I barely blogged in 2009, only retroposted in 2010 and started full force June 2011. I'm just hoping to put a little more thought and heart into it this summer since lately all I have time to blog about is either photography or just life updates.

10. TBD
I'm sure I have other goals that I just can't remember right now. I'll keep you posted ;)

In case you were wondering... only 2.5 more days until summer officially starts!

Music

I'm procrastinating on finishing my post about last weekend... mostly because I want to finish editing and narrowing down the pictures. In the meantime I have some thoughts about music and photography. I've had an old John Mayer song (think Room for Squares circa 2001) floating through my head either as I'm obsessively trying to capture every angle on a perfect sunset or photo opportunity, or when I'm sitting back and just enjoying a moment with friends and realize my camera is no where in sight.

Thinking about this particular song has made me think about how my music habits have morphed over time. I had to pull out my old John Mayer cd and listen to it, in hopes of getting it out of my head (hasn't really worked), which brought back memories of all the music I used to listen to in college. I also took a paperwork day yesterday and listened to Pandora all day as I typed. I noticed that my Matt Maher station has started playing some secular music. There was some John Mayer, Five for Fighting, Edwin Mccain, David Gray, The Fray, Train, Jason Mraz, Augustana, Adele and OneRepublic that popped in there unexpectedly. I guess that's what is fun about Pandora though!

Now, there's really nothing wrong with {some} secular music. I grew up listening to country music and the occasional Linda Ronstadt, Elton John, Amy Grant or Paula Abdul song. And I had a weird obsession with Michael Bolton, specifically his song, How Can We Be Lovers (even though I'm sure I had no idea what it was really about). My parents like some classic rock too and I had an oldies phase when I was 12/13.

I got into Christian music when I was in high school but switched back to country and alternative pretty much through college. However, in the last few years (since getting married) I've noticed that I pretty much only listen to Christian music. Sometimes on a long drive we lose a KLOVE station before we can pick up another one and will find something else. I'm reminded of the songs I used to love, but after a little while of listening, I feel my emotions being tickled with memories, or I start changing my focus from Upward to inward, ever so slightly. 

I guess that's why I've slowly switched to primarily Christian music, if something is going to effect my mood or focus, I'd like it to be affected toward God. Emotions are so easily impacted by music and I love filling my head and my heart with lyrics and notes that remind me of God's goodness, Jesus' sacrifice and my purpose in this life. I know that I can listen to as much of any kind of music that I want to... I just find myself wanting to listen to music that gives God glory.

Now that said... here are the lyrics to a silly secular song that makes me think twice about living life behind a camera lens :).

3 x 5 - John Mayer

I'm writing you, to catch you up on places I've been

As you held this letter
Probably got excited
But there's nothing else inside it

Didn't have a camera by my side this time
Hoping I would see the world through both my eyes
Maybe I will tell you all about it
When I'm in the mood to lose my way with words

Today, skies are painted colors of a cowboy cliche
And strange how clouds that look
Like mountains in the sky
Are next to mountains anyway

Didn't have a camera by my side this time
Hoping I would see the world through both my eyes
Maybe I will tell you all about it
When I'm in the mood to lose my way, but let me say

You should have seen that sunrise with your own eyes
It brought me back to life
You'll be with me next time I go outside
No more 3 x 5's

I guess
You had to be there
I guess
You had to be with me

Oh today, I finally overcame
Tryin' to fit the world inside a picture frame
Maybe I will tell you all about it
When I'm in the mood to lose my way, but let me say

You should have seen that sunrise with your own eyes
It brought me back to life
You'll be with me next time I go outside
No more 3 x 5's, just no more 3 x 5's

Date Night

Blake and I rarely have a traditional 'date night'. We like to make the little things in life special by doing them together when one of us could do them alone. Grocery shopping, for example, is kind of like a date for us. We really enjoy strolling through Costco discussing life. We don't get to spend a ton of time together - two weeknights (and one of those nights is Bible study night) and Saturdays are it really. We occasionally get up for the early service on Sundays, which makes some afternoon time together but I still have to hurry off to work eventually. So just the luxury of curling up on the couch and watching a tv episode is special to us. We like our little routines and just enjoy the moments we have together.

Tonight, however, we went all out ;).

We started in the afternoon with a movie (The Hunger Games movie because Blake just finished reading the book last night), then we went to dinner (Famous Dave's - A guilty pleasure. As much as I try to avoid chain restaurants... man I love their pulled pork!). Next Blake drove us out to a hillside that he'd scoped out before and determined that it would be a great spot to watch the sunset (and he sat there super patiently for an hour while I snapped pictures). After the sunset we went into our favorite local store called Sweet Treat and got some frozen yogurt to bring home and eat while watching an episode of a tv series we're Netflixing our way through (Criminal Minds).

Here are some sunset pictures :). Edited with Picasa, mostly just crop/color/contrast/lighting and some saturation and boost adjustments.

Rattlesnake 'Mountain' ... I think

The view behind us, gotta love the wind mills.

The Way the Cookie Crumbles

In our family we have a cookie conundrum. With chocolate chip cookies, specifically. I grew up in a house with butter-only chocolate chip cookies. Blake grew up in a house with shortening-only chocolate chip cookies. Yes, now you see the conundrum.

Now, in my point of view, there are so many delicious desserts to be had, that the familiar chocolate chip cookie does not rank too high on the list. I like almost any dessert, from the old-fashioned apple pie to the pretentiously rich pot de crème and everything in between. The chocolate chip cookie, for me, is just another dessert among the masses and only has value if it is chewy-soft and butter-fatty delicious.

Blake, however, likes two things. Chocolate chip cookies and ice cream. Sure, he's broadened his palate over the years and will claim some new favorites like dark chocolate soufflé, crème brûlée and the Samoas Girl Scout Cookie (his choice, not mine.. the mouth wants what the mouth wants). However, the chocolate chip cookie will be, and always has been, his first choice. For Blake, the only real chocolate chip cookie is his mom's and every other cookie is just trying to be like it.

I think that we can all agree that while the chocolate chip cookie has some culinary merit, the primary value in a chocolate chip cookie for most people is nostalgia.

This is where the butter vs. shortening plot thickens. If you grew up with your mom making chocolate chip cookies with either form of fat, it is hard to fully enjoy a cookie that contains the other type of fat. There's just something missing, it just isn't like mom's cookies.

So in our house, Blake's cookie desires rule. It's just not that important to me (because really, I just eat the dough), so I make them how he likes them, or as close as I can anyway. There's still some mom magic that I can't recreate, and that's okay.

Yes. I did just talk about desserts and chocolate chip cookies for six paragraphs. That's how deeply the chocolate chip cookie conundrum has impacted our lives.

The real issue is this. Blake likes them how he likes them because it's how he grew up - nothing wrong with that - but I have a health conscience that takes issue with eating things filled with shortening and really want to find a cookie recipe that uses a less processed fat and possibly less sugar... yet still bakes up fluffy, soft and chewy (instead of melting out flat like so many butter-only cookie recipes). Something that I can get my kids hooked on and that will make their future families have their own cookie conundrum.

I THINK I HAVE FOUND THAT RECIPE and I am going to share it with you today, along with a few pictures, of course.

Best-Ever Chocolate Chip Cookies
(Recipe and directions directly from here)

Ingredients:
3/4 c. unsalted butter, softened
3/4 c. brown sugar
1/4 c. granulated sugar
1 egg
2 tsp. vanilla extract
2 c. all purpose flour
2 tsp. cornstarch
1 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
1 c. bittersweet chocolate chips

Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

2. In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, cream together butter and sugars until fluffy and light in color. Add egg and vanilla and blend in. *(I did this by hand)

3. Mix in flour, cornstarch, baking soda and salt. Stir in chocolate chunks.

4. Using a standard-sized cookie scoop or tablespoon, drop dough onto a prepared baking sheet. Bake for 8-10 minutes, until barely golden brown around the edges. (The tops will not brown, but do NOT cook longer than ten minutes.)

5. Let cool, on the sheet, on a wire rack for five minutes. Remove from baking sheet and let cool completely. Makes approximately 3 dozen. Try not to eat them all.

And unrelated to cookies.. but just for good measure.. some photo experimentation from my first full evening of daylight on Friday night...

Lessons in Love

Love is a complex thing. So complex that in the original languages (Greek, Hebrew, Latin etc) they have multiple words to describe what we describe with one word in English: love.

I've been learning about love lately, in a way that is hard to explain but I'm going to try for the sake of remembering the lessons later.

To preface, I just have to say that I've been loved my whole life. I grew up in a house where my parents and family loved me and told me so daily. I grew up going to church and learning about God's love. I have had dear friends that I love and who have loved me back. I have been covered by and surrounded by love all of my life.

One day I realized that I loved Blake, but even more amazing... I realized that he loved me. I mean, he really loved me. The longer we are married the more it sinks in, he really loves me. I can't explain why this was such a revelation but it certainly was. I have never felt as loved as I do now in my marriage.

As I analyze (because this is what I do) how Blake makes me feel, and how I act in relation to how I feel and how all of these experiences reshape my understanding of love; I not only know in my head that Blake loves me, but I know it deep in my heart, I experience it.

At some point it occurred to me that as much as I know that God loves me, I know that I love Him, I fear, respect, and am deeply grateful to Him, I also don't feel as loved by God as I do by Blake. I know I'm loved by God, in my head, I know that I love Him and I know how much I don't deserve His love. But as I started to wrap my head around how deeply I love Blake and how deeply I feel loved by Blake, it made me start to wonder why I didn't feel this deep sense of love in relation to God.

Like I said, I have been loved my whole life, and I have loved God as best I could.. but once I realized that love could be deeper and more intimate than the love I'd known by my parents and friends... I wanted to extend that feeling to my Creator. I can't really explain this, except to think that maybe Blake is the first person that has the choice to love me. I know my parents don't have to love me, but it seems like it isn't as much of a choice for them as it is for Blake. Maybe this is something I'll understand when I have kids, but at any rate this isn't to say anything negative about the love from my parents.

As I understand how I think about and experience love differently, I start to understand that the verses in the Bible about God's love for us describe an even greater love than the love I feel from Blake. The tangible love that I feel in marriage helps me understand a little better the depth of God's love for us.

This all seems a little backwards to me... shouldn't I feel the love of God the strongest, since His love is the strongest? Shouldn't I compare Blake's love to God's love, and not the other way around? I really don't know. All I can say is that this is how it is unfolding.

And as it unfolds I am learning what it means to truly feel loved by God, and to deeply love him back in a different way. When I say that I love Jesus, something in me understands it differently. It is tangible, intimate, logical and emotional. I think it used to be a little less intimate and emotional, and a little more logical.

Isn't growing great!? I've heard it said, "if you aren't growing - you're dying." Another saying goes, "if you don't use it, you lose it." This is true in all aspects of life. Sometimes it's painful to grow, but what's the alternative? Life is about moving forward, dying to my selfish self, being a little more like Christ today than I was yesterday and growing a little deeper in the grace and understanding of Jesus (2 Peter 3:18).

Mmm... Nutella

Have I ever mentioned how much I love Nutella? It's chocolatey hazelnutty goodness.

My brother bought us some Valentine's day cookies, and I had to do a little rearranging to make the calories really worth it. 

I wish the bakeries here had Nutella Day like the pasticceria in Venice... well, I suppose my waistline is thankful that they don't. 

Mmm... Nutella. Happy Valentine's Day!

Update

About eight months ago, I made a list to try to organize my head. I've thought about that list a few times, but until today I've been to afraid of the failure to look back at it.

However, in the name of procrastination from mundane housework, I'm willing to face my fear of failure and see how I've fared on my list.


Goals/Projects (Not in any particular order, written June 17, 2011)

1. get up earlier (In-progress. Off and on I've accomplished this, mostly out of necessity for work)
2. go to bed earlier (Met. I've definitely gotten better about this, save the occasional late weekend night)
3. have longer quiet times everyday (In-progress. Still working on this, always working on this)
4. have more purposeful prayer times everyday (see above)
5. finish the three four five innumerable crochet projects I've started: bath mitts, sweaters, slippers, hats, socks etc. (Partially Met. Of those listed, I finished the bath mitts, several hats, and frogged the socks so I could knit them. Sweaters are still in progress, as are about two hats and a blanket)
6. finish the two knitting projects I've started: lace scarf, hat (MET and Exceeded! Started/finished a pair of socks and started another pair of socks and a couple of head wraps. I have almost no time for knitting/crocheting these days so it's a good thing I set this goal low).
7. start the millions of knitting and crochet projects I have queued. (In-Progress. I've started a few of them!)
8. make more time for reading (Met! YES! I've definitely done this!)
9. join a book club (Met and exceeded. Not only joined, but started a book club blog. It's been really fun. You can check it out here)
10. start using a weekly menu plan (Unmet. Near fail, I did this for three weeks but haven't managed to do it since)
11. grocery shop once a week (In-progress. We've been a little better about this in general. Also see above)
12. use up produce before it goes bad (Met. I have been better about this, specifically during the three weeks, but even after, we've been better about using up veggies, or not buying them)
13. make my own bread every week (Fail Not Met. HA! This lasted about 2 weeks several months ago. I still have hopes for this though!)
14. grind my own flour for said bread (Partially Met. I do grind my own flour for most things, even if I'm not making bread)
15. make as many things homemade as possible (In-Progress. I still try to do this, but only with certain things, since I'm not home very much)
16. maintain a sourdough starter for longer than one month (Partially Met, On hold.. I did maintain it for longer than a month, but just barely. When we went on vacation.. it died.)
17. take better pictures (In-progress. I've started to do this, at least within the limits of my current camera's manual settings and capacities. I've learned tons about light and shutter speed and aperture and ISO and still have tons to learn. Someday I'll get a DSLR and will really get to work on this goal)
18. stay on top of my garden (Discontinued. eh.. our garden didn't really give us much to stay on top of, but Blake was primarily in charge of keeping it watered, pruned, picked etc.)
19. go to the gym 3x/week (Unmet. Once a week max.)
20. be content with my job (Partially Met. Well, I have added a job and am content with it. I will be happy to be done with it when I can though. I am certainly more content with the job I wrote this about. It's really not meant to be a full time job, so doing it part time takes away undo pressure and makes it much more pleasant).
21. be a better friend (In-progress. Negotiable. I've made efforts though)
22. call my mom more (In-progress. I've made an effort to try to text/call her more and I feel like we keep in touch better, although still not as much as I think she'd like)
23. blog consistently (Variable progress. Weeeell, I've had my moments.. but lately this has not been the case.)
24. be an effective witness for Christ (In-progress. I have made concerted efforts to be more bold in this and to think about how my actions/words affect my witness.)
25. do all things without complaining or arguing (Fail In-progress. In some areas I've gotten better. On a day-to-day basis, minimal change.)
26. use my time wisely (In-progress. Having less time certainly makes me use what little time I have more wisely, more often.)
27. patiently endure until we are financially ready to _____ (insert long-term goal here). (Patiently... hmm. In-progress.)
28. plan the activities for our trip to Australia (Met)
29. listen to the every sermon/Bible study recorded from our pastor (Unmet. I've been absorbed by audio books and rekindled (no pun intended) my love for reading.)

Getting Up

It's a process.

It starts an hour before I have to actually get up. A half hour at a minimum. It takes several alarms and many repeats of snooze on each one. On most weekdays I wake up to the radio and sleep lightly listen to the Bible studies that come on at 6:00 and 6:30. Really, the 6:00 study is just intertwined into my dreams, but the 6:30 study (our church's radio program) sinks into my consciousness much more. By the time it is over, I'm actually awake enough to have reasonable decision making skills.

After that it's a battle.

I start weighing out my schedule and bargaining with myself about how early I really need to go into work. I pull my Bible off my night stand and tell myself that I'll be just fine reading in bed, really, I'm awake now (and sometimes that works). After I read, I always tell myself that I'll just lay here and talk to God until my last and final alarm (with snooze) goes off. The time frames vary, depending on the bargained work time.

Ultimately, there is a point where I can't lay there and hit snooze anymore and finally, I agree with myself that I need to get out of bed, I'm usually five to ten minutes late because of this extra coaxing time it takes to make me throw the covers back.

I pull my feet from the warm cozy covers and thrust them toward the hard, cold floor (okay, we have carpet.. but still, it's a bitter moment). And it begins.

The day has started. From that point on, most days, I feel like my single goal is just to make it back to that cozy bed and tuck my feet back in, preferably right next to my always warm husband.

The best reward for getting up, is that moment when you crawl back in bed at the end of the day. All of the day's struggle melts away and I am reminded of how blessed I am, how loved I am and how much I love the man laying next to me.

: :

I know there is more meaning in life than sleeping. And in truth there really is much more that goes on between dragging myself out of bed and crawling back in it. It just doesn't always seem that way.

It makes me feel horribly irresponsible and lazy, to acknowledge how much I impact my life because I don't get out of bed in the morning. I'm always late. Consistently five minutes late. To everything. Couldn't I just get up five minutes earlier, you ask. If only it were that easy.

This has been a life-long struggle (just ask my mom). I don't know why it's such a struggle, but I know that every attempt to be better about it has been in vain. I know how much better I'd feel and be if I gave myself extra time. Time to workout, time to read and have a cup of coffee, time to pray more in depth for the long list of people on my heart.... time to get ready and be on time for work (there's a thought).

This verse in Proverbs rings in my ears every morning: "As a door swings back and forth on its hinges, so the lazy person turns over in bed" (Proverbs 26:14).

I will say that it has gotten a little bit easier as I get older.. and I hope that the trend continues. But for now, it is my daily struggle and source of self loathing.

Christmas Cookies

Blake and I both have a bit of Norwegian in us. It is really the only specific recognizable heritage that we both share. His grandma is also Greek and my grandma is Italian, and I'll claim a little bit of that too. However, the predominant cultural influence in both of our childhoods was the Norwegian. My grandma always made Lefse during the holidays and to this day I look forward to smearing butter and sprinkling sugar on that potato flatbread. Last year I tried my hand at making it myself.. turned out pretty good (if I may say so myself) ;).

I've been trying to make a new Norwegian dessert each Christmas. Last year I made små brød (small bread) that is kind of a scone dough in a pretzel/wreath shape. It was pretty good.

This year, thanks to my recent acquisition of a mysterious Jøtul iron during our most recent beach trip.
(Remember this?)

                        

Tonight, I put it to use! Through some research (Google) I discovered that this old cookie press is intended to make the following cookie:

Goro, also called Goro Kake

Ingredients:
  3 eggs
  1 cup sugar
  1 Tbsp. vanilla sugar (or 1 tsp. vanilla)
  1 cup whipped cream, whipped to firm peaks
  1 cup butter, melted
  1 Tbsp. brandy or cognac (optional - I didn't use)
  6 to 7 cups all-purpose flour
  1 tsp. freshly ground cardamom
  1/2 tsp. cinnamon (optional - I did use)

Preparation:
Trace a rectangular pattern the same size as your goro iron onto parchment or other paper; cut out. Spray goro iron lightly with cooking spray and heat, closed, over medium-high burner until a drop of water sizzles on the surface when opened.

Beat together three eggs, sugar, and vanilla sugar (or vanilla). Fold in whipped cream and melted butter. Stir in cognac, if using. Sift together 6 cups of flour, cardamom and cinnamon, then mix into batter. Add additional flour, if needed, until dough is very firm (it should be about the consistency of pizza dough).

Separate the dough into thirds, and roll each portion out on a floured surface to a 1/8" thickness. Place paper pattern on dough and cut squares the size of your goro iron.

Transfer each dough square to the goro iron, close iron, and cook the first side for 3-4 minutes, pressing the iron's handle together lightly to impress pattern upon the cracker (Note: keep a wet towel on hand to immediately wipe up any butter than leaks from the press). Flip iron and cook for an additional 3-4 minutes, until both sides of cracker are golden brown.

Transfer cracker to rack to cool; while still warm, cut into the individual sections and trim off outside edges (if desired). Repeat process with remaining dough (rerolling scraps as necessary).

These cookies originate from the 1700's and were considered an expensive cookie because of the specialty iron and all the butter, cream and sugar needed for the recipe. It was fairly time intensive and I can't say that I'm super excited to make these more than once a year! They remind me of a cardamom scented waffle cone. Kind of a cross between a sweet cracker and a cookie. Fairly plain and simple, but also elegant and tasty.

Where I Live

I was driving through an unfamiliar neighborhood the other day and came across a house style that I hadn't seen before. I thought to myself, "If we ever live here that might be the style of house I'd want." The thought surprised me. I'd been pretty set in my house style preferences for a long time. 

My long-standing 'dream' house is more of a traditional farmhouse look with two stories, window dormers and a huge wraparound porch. Of course in my mind that house is placed on ten or more acres in the country with green forest and a field surrounding it. That is how I grew up, and that is how I imagine raising our family. The trouble is that where we live doesn't have naturally green anything and certainly there are no lush green forests. 

The new house style was more fit for the desert and had a certain open air Italian look to it. Not exactly 'Tuscan' like we see a lot of, but reminded me slightly of an Italian villa - on a smaller scale. There were gated walkways and flower lined patios. It was pretty and natural in a different way. 

What really struck me in this rabbit trail of thought was the way I phrased this acceptance of a new house style "...if we ever live here..." 

Wait. 

We do live here.    We    live    here. 

I don't know why the thought was so foreign to me. We have lived here for over two years now. Yet still I couldn't wrap my head around the facts. It isn't, "if we live here" or "when we live here" the fact is that we already live here. 

There's just something about our life here that feels so temporary. I've never truly accepted the potential reality of living here long term. 

We don't own a house yet, nor do we want to own a house yet - especially not here. At least that has been our mindset anyway. It doesn't make financial sense to buy a house in a place where you don't plan on living very long. We realize that there will come a time when we have to decide. Do we settle here or keep trying to make our way west toward family? This is another story for another time. For now, we just keep praying that God will make it clear to us when the time comes. And He will. 

I wonder how I would have lived these past two years differently if I'd really accepted/embraced/lived our lives here. I wonder how I'll live the next two years differently trying to understand that this is where I live. No matter how much we want to live somewhere else, no matter how much we plan to live somewhere else and no matter how often we leave town to visit somewhere else. 

We live HERE. Today, tomorrow, and until we move. Can I really wrap my head around it?